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I hate how my body looks after having children and so does my hubby and its causing intimacy issues adult content

I have had a lot of body image issues since i had children. I am used to being thin at around 120 pounds most of my life, i had a daughter gained weight (before i met hubby) i lost a ton of weight and was back to 120 when i met my husband, i felt confident and beautiful from losing all of the weight, i had a few stretch marks but nothing major for the most part i felt beautiful and sexy with him.

I got pregnant and had a stillborn, i gained about 30 lb with that pregnancy and lost about ten of it then i got pregnant a few months later, i gained 29 more pounds. By the time i was threw with both pregnancies so close i had gotten up to 197 when my last son was born. I lost a lot of weight in the past 10 months, i am now down to 133 not great but not as fat.

THE PROBLEM IS...My husband is not turned on by me anymore we haven't had sex in a long time i have loose skin on my tummy and my breasts have went from DD to a C my thighs also have a little extra skin, my hips are wider i am still in a size 6 jeans :( i look chubby and out of shape in my tummy even though my arms and legs are now really toned, and i can't seem to lose anymore. He makes comments on things like "should you really eat that?" and just says other things, calls me puff and stuff and he says he is just kidding but it hurts my feelings and now i have bad self esteem issues worse then before, i don't like having the lights on during sex or anything luckily we aren't having sex much anymore which is a relief to me because it leaves me feeling ugly and half the time i feel bad afterwards :(

Am i nuts to feel this bad about something as silly as sex?

sorry so long


Asked by Anonymous at 1:51 PM on Sep. 27, 2012 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • It is not the sex theat bothers me in this post although sex deffinitely helps in a marriage.
    You are what is bothering me. It sounds as though you have lost weight and have been working out and toning yourself (excersize) these are things to be proud of. You are getting healthier all the time. You should be proud of yourself and yet what you are concentrating on is what you have not accomplished. I see you downgrading yourself. The hubby's comments may be reinforcing it but you are the one picking at every little flaw. You will never be exactly as you were before kids. Your body changed. But you can be happy with who you are.
    I suggest you get counseling
    and I suggest you and hubby get couples counseling. There is more here than weight.

    Answer by Dardenella at 3:05 PM on Sep. 27, 2012

  • This is not about your looks. This is about your husband and his very shallow view of love and marriage and family. If I could get near him, I would punch him right in his face. A woman is much, much more than a skinny butt and a flat belly. If he hasn't figured that out, you should send him to counseling. The next time he calls you a name, you can tell him that he's the one with the problem. And, if it hasn't already happened, he can expect a few changes in his old bod, too. Good grief! What a clod!!

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:56 PM on Sep. 27, 2012

  • you don't have sex anymore because he has made you feel you look like shit. its not your body, its his attitude.

    Answer by dullscissors at 1:54 PM on Sep. 27, 2012

  • What a douchebag he is... he needs a good....


    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:00 PM on Sep. 27, 2012

  • Your dh sounds like a real winner..... Does he not realize what your body did?? I mean, seriously, You gave him a son!! That man should love every inch of you, regardless of how many inches that is. If my dh EVER said that, that man would be sleeping on the couch, at his parents house. Sure, I am not the size when we met, but we have 2 beautiful kids, and another on the way, and I happily sacrificed my body for them. You are more than what is seen on the outside, and if you dh is too thick to see that, then thats his problem, NOT YOURS.

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 2:01 PM on Sep. 27, 2012

  • NannyB...

    Great advice!

    Answer by SleepingBeautee at 2:02 PM on Sep. 27, 2012

  • tell your husband to fuck off and die. Tell him to have kids and try to keep is body in tact! What a dick head. Put your footdown. Dont let him treat you like that.

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 2:03 PM on Sep. 27, 2012

  • Woah! I've never seen NannyB call a man a clod! She is right though, it's not you it's him! Be proud of yourself, just as you are. Any size. We are more than our bodies.

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 2:06 PM on Sep. 27, 2012

  • listen to the other ladies. for crying out loud you went from 197lbs to 133!!! thats great! you only weigh 10 more lbs then you did pre kids...but the thing is having babies changes your body. and your DH should accept this. you are NOT fat, you're a mom. im sure many of us would LOVE to have your body!

    is it your body that makes you feel unsexy or is it your husbands douchey comments that make you feel unsexy? does he complain that you arent having sex? if so, tell him its his own stupid fault for being such a jerk. stand up for yourself when he says things like that...dont be a victim to his ass-holeness!

    also, and i hate to go there, and please know i only want to help...could this have anything to do with your lost child? things like that can impact a relationship even if it seems like its something else. again, just trying to help.

    Answer by okmanders at 2:35 PM on Sep. 27, 2012

  • So I'm sure he's perfectly toned and totally fat free,wrinkle free,and has a beautiful mane of gray-less hair,right? No?

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 2:37 PM on Sep. 27, 2012