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A little worried about this not sure if I should be, and no bashing thats not what I am asking for

Okay my SO has two other children from a previous relationship that he was in and really (even though I know it does not matter) niether of them were planned kids and actually he didn't want to have kids with this person, okay so they came over here to stay the night last night, and I had asked him (because when they are here its not like he goes out and spends all kinds of time with them usually they are busy playing anyway, and we live at his moms so she likes to have them with her) if he even liked the boys and he said yes its just that he doesn't even feel like they are really his kids, and I am worried that he may feel this way about our son, even though its entirely different situation, he wasn't around the other two all the time because he never lived with their mom and she never came over really, we live together and he is around our baby all the time and really I can see the difference in how he acts ,.....cont


Asked by hautemama83 at 3:28 AM on Feb. 8, 2009 in Relationships

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This question is closed.
Answers (27)
  • I have to disagree with the ladies who have posted so far. He doesn't sound like a bad guy, he sounds like a guy who made a mistake, TRIED to stand up and do right, and it didn't work out.

    I can also understand how he would say they don't really feel like his kids. I wonder, how old are they? How often do they visit? How old were they when he and the mother seperated? How is his current relationship with her?

    Any and all of these things can affect his bond with his first two sons. My hubby has a son that lives in Alaska. Since we have very little contact with him, and Hubby has only met him twice, he feels somewhat the same way. This is still his son, and he loves him, but this is not a child he's raising. It's hard for him to connect with this child the same way he does with our son.

    IMO you have nothing to worry about. Your DH is able to raise the son he has with you, and your DD, and that's what's important.

    Answer by AnnieMcD at 5:40 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • with our son and the other two, should I just ask him if he feels that way about our baby or should I just leave it? and BTW this is not a debate about what he is doing right or wrong because I stay out of it, its simply about his being able to bond with our son for the most part

    Answer by hautemama83 at 3:30 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • i would leave it, i think he has a greater bond with your son

    Answer by aliciatron at 3:34 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • I'd be worried especially if yours wasn't planned. I could understand if he had one unplanned son, but you can't tell me he hated her enough not to sleep with her the second time hun. Look at the situation you described from a neutral perspective and you will see what we are seeing.

    Answer by OneToughMami at 3:34 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • im JW, did he want a daughter? i just have a theory that all guys want at least one baby girl to protect

    Answer by aliciatron at 3:39 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • well ours was planned thats why I feel like its silly for me to even question any of it, and no its not that he hated her it just that well long story short she was a booty call that "went wrong" and he tried to make things good because of the kids but it just never worked out because he didn't like her for anything except that (I am really not making him look very good but he is a good guy to me at least) and I totally see what you mean I know I have felt that same way and everytime he says something about it I tell him hey you could have chosen to not make two so I def know what you mean

    Answer by hautemama83 at 3:39 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • no he is very happy with having three boys, I have even asked him if he would ever want to have more and he says no, so I tell him what about a girl and he just says he pretty much has one (my DD) so thats not it

    Answer by hautemama83 at 3:41 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • ahhhh i didnt know you had a dd :]

    Answer by aliciatron at 3:43 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • How could you have planned your son but live with his mother? That doesn't sound very "well planned". So there are 4 kids in this mixed up situation and he only bonds with your kids? Not well planned or very loving.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:47 AM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • know...I just can't say anything because I don't want you to feel like I am bashing because that whole situation is still not making him look like a good man hun.

    Answer by OneToughMami at 3:50 AM on Feb. 8, 2009