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Advice ladies... ss. age 14 is cutting.

my sd age 14 is cutting herself. i was told by my dd age 15 and i talked to her and her dad.but at that time they were scraches so to speak. we asked if mom knew she said she did.. but we made sure to mention it anyways.. she did know and though she was being a drama queen for attention. ( which she does do at time ) anyways fast forward a lil now. my husband gets a call from school nurse about 14 yr old cutting herself again...he is now picking her up and driving her home and he better be having a talk with bm. ( he said he was.. ) and they have a meeting tomorrow am to see the schools phyc. but i know my dh is gonna ask me what to do and what not...what do i do? what advice can i give him? sd said to me she does it cause it makes her feel better and helps her deal with life.??? i need advice lasies... i wanna help sd out..and dh..even bm..

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Asked by tabbys4 at 4:07 PM on Oct. 1, 2012 in Teens (13-17)

Level 16 (2,706 Credits)
Answers (15)
  • Cutting is nothing to take lightly- some kids do it for "show" but many do it for REAL. She needs counseling/therapy so she can learn other-better ways of coping and dealing with things.

    *I was a cutter and my daughter as well

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 4:11 PM on Oct. 1, 2012

  • Yeah- they cut to externalize the inner pain. She's probably depressed.
    Be loving and supportive. Don't accuse or punish the kid. Family counseling.

    We have a few cutters (used to cut) on the site- hopefully they'll give you more info

    Answer by feralxat at 4:13 PM on Oct. 1, 2012

  • her bm had her see someone but for what ever reason stoped. and told us she was looking for someone new... i told sd if it was a need to talk to someone besides me or bm she could see the schools guidence conslers.. they offer help and advice and bm dosent need to worry about money. i wanna help them or do what i can at least. :(

    Comment by tabbys4 (original poster) at 4:15 PM on Oct. 1, 2012

  • They need help now

    Answer by mommys2cupcakes at 4:19 PM on Oct. 1, 2012

  • The school guidance counselors are really trained more to give kids guidance in their education. They look for signs of problems, but will generally direct you to an outside psychologist or psychiatrist. They rarely handle this kind of counseling problem.

    cutting is very serious. You need to find a good psychologist or psychiatrist, and as feralxat said, FAMILY counseling as well as individual counseling for daughter.

    I'm not a cutter, but have a cousin who is.... she's in her late 30's now, and believe me, you don't want her life for your daughter.

    Good luck.

    Answer by ohwrite at 4:24 PM on Oct. 1, 2012

  • As far as I can tell, cutting IS a way for a teen/child to control things when they feel they have no control over their lives. A lot of times someone will cut as a way to deal with depression. They may cut instead of committing suicide, or attempting suicide.

    I had a friend that was in the military, stationed overseas. While overseas my friend was raped. Instead of getting counseling and seeking help for the trauma my friend buried the memories. My friend wound up cutting as a coping mechanism to deal with the trauma of being raped. Last I heard my friend finally got some professional help and is doing ok now.

    Treat the cutting for what it is: a desperate plea for help. It's what your step daughter wants/needs but doesn't know it yet. Find a therapist that will see her and get her ALL the help you can. This girl is walking a dangerous edge and needs to know she's loved.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 4:35 PM on Oct. 1, 2012

  • I totally agree that she is doing this as a cry for help even if she won't admit she needs or wants help.
    I started cutting at 14 years old and continued for about 10 years. I still, to this day, think about it when I get super duper depressed. Honestly, I still don't fully understand it, but I DO know that as a child, I wanted someone to listen without judging, I wanted someone recognize and sympathize with my grief and not condescend or patronize me.
    It shouldn't all be put on you, she does need a professional, but what you can do is be a shoulder to cry on, a hug giver, a listening ear, don't judge her, even if what she is saying seems silly, don't belittle her, respect her feelings.

    Answer by Ludvik_Smith at 5:12 PM on Oct. 1, 2012

  • I don't know about cutting, but I would recommend preparing for long term therapy to help her find other ways to deal with things.

    Answer by QuinnMae at 5:13 PM on Oct. 1, 2012

  • She needs a very good counselor. One with a good deal of experience with this type of behaviour. This is not a little somethinher best interests to be hospitalized for a while. That will be an option that you need to consider before the counselor suggests it.

    Answer by Dardenella at 5:56 PM on Oct. 1, 2012

  • Start with the school psychologist.... they can and will provide some counselling but will more then likely direct her parents to take her to a private psychologist or psychiatrist. Do be surprised if the schools social worker also gets involved.

    Answer by Crafty26 at 6:13 PM on Oct. 1, 2012

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