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What do you do when you don't want your kid hanging out with an aquaintance's kid?

OK, my kids have started hanging out with a kid from the neighborhood that I don't like. The kid is usually very polite and knows how to act around an adult, but otherwise he cusses, is destructive to other people's property, prank calls people from his cell phone, etc. Ordinarily I would just forbid my kids to hang out with this kid because I know how he is and I don't allow my kids to act that way. The only thing is his step-dad works with my DH- occasionally we'll go out to eat with a group of guys from work and their wives. I know from hanging out with the parents that they pretty much think "boys will be boys" and they think my parenting style is uptight... I think they let their kid get away with everything! So, what would you do? Forbid your kid to hang out with the other boy and wait for drama to ensue? Or let the kids hang out and ground your own kid for all eternity if they start acting like the other kid? Ugh...

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Asked by winkie_pinkie at 5:04 PM on Feb. 8, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (3 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • well you have two choices, forbid them from hanging out and take the brunt of whatever comes your way from your dh's coworkers and friends, or just relax your parenting when the child is around or youre around the other set of parents. I remember being told my parenting was too uptight and now looking back it sorta was. Im not saying thats the case with you but overtime parents do tend to get more relaxed in their parenting.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:08 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • I have been in this EXACT situation over the last several months. My husband worked with the Dad of these wild kids. My parenting is uptight too. I first started to back of the visits, and when we had them, I watched like a hawk. Finally my kid ended up in the ER as a result of the other little bastard. I have made excuses, lied, avoided to the point where it's so obvious that it's painful. The parents refuse to get a clue or are not willing to let it go. I got to a point where I was complacent and just rude about saying no all the time and not returning calls. Finally the husband called me out and I told him our parenting styles differed dramatically that my kids have a hard time around his kids. He didn't understand that and to this day, it's left unsolved. I was as honest as I could be with him short of saying, "You SUCK as a parent and don't do the job and your kids are horrid beasts." My advice, protect your children.

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 5:18 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • Honestly girl, your kids will pick up bad habits from ANYWHERE no matter if u know the kid or not, etc..And it is a hard choice since the kid is the guy who works w/ ut DH because that can start bad sisuations w/ him, and the nsome how fall back on u betwen u and ur DH...Cussing, prank calls those are a given usually w/ kids no matter if udon't allow it or not becuase they will (more likely) do it anyways..The cussing part anyways..So I would just allow it until they staret doing it around you, etc..Of course give them a huge talk, but of course that is all you can do really..PLUS they are at the age where they should have more say in stuff rather than the parent always choosing trheir choices..I do agree those parents need to teach their kids more tho than letting them get their way all of the time, etc..

    Answer by Renee02 at 7:38 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • Let them hang out only at your house when you are present, and tell the boy that your rules apply. I don't know the ages of your children, but you are under no obligation to anyone to knowingly expose them to behavior that you know will have a negative influence on them. It's a part of your job as a parent to protect them as much as you can for as long as you can. So, don't be intimidated by what others say or think.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:53 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • The boy sounds like a pretty normal kid to me, most kids cuss away from the parents, boys are destructive by nature, and who doesn't love a good prank call? Ok...well I don't if I am on the recieving end, but they can be resonably harmless fun.

    Do YOU trust your kids? This is what it is about, if you have rasied your kids well and they know where you stand, they will still be good kids. Everything you mentioned will be learned by your kids anyways, you can not protect them from other people who are "not up to your standards" wouldn't you rather start teaching them know what to do when they are in situations that are against your wishes. They want to hang out fine but make it very clear that your kids are responsible for matter what the other boy does or doesn't do. In the end they make thier own choices so they can choose to follow him and pay any consequences or they hang and know what they cont...

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 11:57 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • are expected to do..behave.

    If they have never given you a reason to not trust them, then know may be the time to put some faith in your kids.

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 11:59 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

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