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i love my children my oldest is 19 dont go to school dont work he does have some health issues and ADHD am i wrong in telling him has to eather go to work or do more around the house?

what should i do all apenions are welcome???????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Asked by Anonymous at 5:14 PM on Feb. 8, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (11)
  • No I dont think youre wrong. My oldest is almost 20 and when she lived with us when she was 18 I made her do things around the house if she wasnt going to work and she had already graduated from HS. My next oldest two are 15 and 16 and I homeschool one of them. He has to help around the house along with his brother. Neither work since I believe school=their job. If yours isnt in school then yeah he has to be helping out somehow. You dont want him to be a slouch.

    Answer by gemgem at 5:16 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • If your son's health issues are not serious, do not allow yours sons health issues to enable him to be a responsible adult. If he is not in school he should be helping you out.


    Answer by mommiedear at 11:17 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • He either needs to go to school or get a job, unless his health issues are so serious that working right now would be detrimental to his health he needs to learn to be an adult.


    Answer by sammiesmom2000 at 8:37 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • No you are not wrong! That MAN needs to grow up already. Time for tough love momma.

    All grown people over the age of eighteen need to either be in school/college, working full time, in the military, or move out. Laying around on their butt eating food, playing on the computer, talking on the cell, and wanting money  is not an option. Just my opinion. My 20 yr old is in college full time and my 18 yr old is graduating in May and will be in college this fall. So I do speak from experience.

    Good Luck!



    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I am an adult with ADHD and have four children to take care of. If he doesn't learn responsibility he's gonna use it as an excuse not to excel in his life. We(adults with ADHD)do have challenges that a lot of other people just wouldn't understand, however there are many ways to manage. I have taken control of my life and actually do quite well. By him not having to do anything you would not be doing him any favors. You are totally right for wanting him to do something. The best thing my mother ever did for me was kick me out of her house, it lit fire under my butt! I'm not saying that's what you should do, it's just and example. I grew up with this disorder and I will never allow it to run my life, because I've seen what it can do.

    Answer by Steff107 at 11:12 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • If you let your son do it, he will become a moocher noone wants to be around. You may not be here when he is fourty and needs to support himself. DO him a favor and make him learn to work now. He should have learned this at a younger age, but it is never too late.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • My 18 yr old son has ADHD & he goes to school (he is in 11th grade as he was held back in 1st grade) I told him if he decided to quit going to school then he had to find a job a better job & help pay his way.(he has a part time job now that only pays when a job is finished; he helps his grandpa with body work on cars) I am NOT supporting a grown child who refuses to go to school or work. Not my job. I told him he was welcome to stay with us as long as he wants but he needs to DO something..whether that be school or work. ADHD is NOT an excuse to be a bum!

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:44 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • The best thing you can do for your son is to teach him responsibility. If you continue to let him hang out at home and do nothing now, that is what he will expect for the rest of his life and yours. And who will replace you when you are gone? Better to learn now than when he is 40.

    Give him a deadline and stick to it. It is very difficult to do this, but it is the best gift you can give your son.

    If it comes down to making him leave, do it. Don't worry about where he will go. Do NOT let him see any weakness in you or he will continue on this same path. I had to deal with my oldest son in a similar situation. Now he is in the Navy and doing great. I am very proud of him.

    God Bless You and I pray for you to have the strength you will need to work through this.

    Answer by BayouGirlnOK at 6:10 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I'm in the Very same boat as you. My son is 20, he did try to go to trade school but quit half way thru due to his ADHD. He stays with different families doing odd jobs to get by. He had a job for about two weeks doing what he went to school for but got fired (long story itself but seems place does this to young guys alot, we find out later) . We pushed him thru senior year and getting his eagle. He has plans but no action.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Arent there medications for that though to help control it? If you allow him to use this as a crutch,you will be responsible for him forever. He needs to feel useful to a degree,rather he realizes it or not at this point. Time for ultimatums.

    Answer by guardmp_MOM at 5:43 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

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