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How do I teach my fiance to be a father to my son?

I am engaged to a great guy but he doesn't have kids of his own so he doesn't have the parenting experience or natural instinct. I am confused on what I should expect from him and how to "teach" him that parental bond. Is it even possible or are people just born with it? He wants to be a great dad but I don't feel like his heart is all of the way in it. Any advice or books to read?

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thesocialdiva

Asked by thesocialdiva at 6:39 PM on Feb. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • have you really sat down and asked him what he feels and if he wants to be a father figure to ur son. some guys dont want to really take responsobility for the kids that arent really theres. (which can be jerks) if he wants to just tell him play with him and teach him like you would ur brothers or sisters. but not really like that. give him time to be around your son and then he will catch on, at first its going to be a little crazy and hard on him but he will find out that they are fun and do the most funniest things to make you laugh.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:46 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • I got with my so when MY son was 3m old. He didnt have kids of his own either. And he was 8yr older. Anyway. I dont think you cant "teach" it. If he is going to have the bond it will come naturally. You do NOT need to push iton him. In my case my son's "sperm donor" isnt around so my SO is his "dad" and that is the way it will always be and the way my SO wants it. I dont think I have been much help Sorry but Good Luck and I hope everything works out.
    edgpag

    Answer by edgpag at 6:49 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • So you son is not his son? He might not feel a bond to your son, because it is not his blood child. Some people are just that way. As long as your son and him have a good relationship. You shouldn't worry. When you two have a child together he should change.


    One important thing to remember. You can not teach him anything. He has to want to be a father.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:55 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • why not make the real dad be a dad? you can not make a man who isnt the dad be a dad!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:37 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • There really is no way to "teach" them. You can try getting activities for them to do together.. find a common ground for both of them and let it take it's course.. It may work, it may not. If it doesn't you need to ask yourself why. If he is just saying things to make you happy, it could be serious trouble for you and him down the road. Remember your son comes first.
    xxhazeldovexx

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 9:08 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • "why not make the real dad be a dad? you can not make a man who isnt the dad be a dad!"

    That's bologna! If that were true then adoption and step parenting would always fail. And it doesn't. The three of you need to spend a lot of time together. Let him handle situations on his own. Let them go places together just the two of them. If you allow him so control his skills will blossom more. He may not feel like the dad because you may (inadvertantly) not be treating him like the dad. Give it some time and let him find his style, but I wouldn't say "I do" until you know for sure that he's up for the task.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 10:42 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • I don't think you can teach him to be a good dad... its something he has to learn. Just like anything else in life... driving, a new job... you get better as you go and you learn as you go. Just take time to explain things to him... teach him to be patient with your son by being patient with him ; ) Things like that. Just remember that it is your son, not his and you can't force that bond to be there... that is something that they need to work on all on their own. They will find their own ways to bond I'm sure.
    dtetz

    Answer by dtetz at 10:51 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • he has to do it on his own! you cant force him
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:15 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Thank you all for some great help! I guess I didnt make it clear that he REALLY wants to be involved as a father figure. The "real" (sperm doner) dad isnt in the picture and that's just as well. I don't want to say "I do" until we know the family is going to work because my son is the most important thing in my life!! I will start letting them do things on their own, and letting him help. He wants to...he's just not very aware of the surroundings...like a lot of men. :) I am also protective of my sons happiness and comfortableness I guess.

    It will take time I know...but any tips or detailed suggestions is still appreciated!! Thank you again!
    thesocialdiva

    Answer by thesocialdiva at 5:12 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

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