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Why all the negativity?


It seems that most questions in this category get negative answers towards adoption. Adoption is a beautiful thing! I had a friend give up her baby when she was 17. She was fully intending on raising her with her parent's help, but she realized she was not ready to parent. SHE decided to persue adoption, no one forced her or even mentioned it to her. She chose a wonderful family & her daughter is now 11, and doing great! And STILL an open adoption (even though it was only required for 5 years). My friend had another baby last May, and her first daughter knows all about it. Adoption is not a bad thing!

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Ashlynnsmommy07

Asked by Ashlynnsmommy07 at 7:58 PM on Feb. 8, 2009 in Adoption

Level 22 (12,667 Credits)
Answers (32)
  • I think when someone has a negative experience with adoption they are unable see that their own personal experience isn't a reflection of the whole adoption process. Emotions run high when it comes to anything like this that changes your whole life.

    MAUREEN55

    Answer by MAUREEN55 at 8:01 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • I don't have negative views on adoption. I'm okay with it. Until someone is in the situation or it touches them personally it's hard for some people to understand. Unfortunatly everyone will never truly understand or accept because it is not what they are used to. I try to focus more on all the amazing people that do get it.
    Steff107

    Answer by Steff107 at 8:03 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • I have no negative views on adoption. I think it's wonderful. Instead of killing a precious life they find a family who will love and cherish it. After I am done having my own kids, maybe when they're teens, I would like to adopt an older child or maybe even foster.
    alinker

    Answer by alinker at 8:36 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • I guess it would depend on your personal experience. Maybe there are a lot of women out there who were in a crisis and they were taken advantage of. Maybe there were women who had postive experiences placing their child for adoption. It is not a black or white issue.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:54 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • Because it involves true emotions. If it was bad, it was really bad and you don't want anyone to have that type of hurt.
    If your adoption is good, you want to share how wonderful it turned out for you.
    But the truth is, adoption causes pain. My happiest moment in life (becoming a mother) was the most saddest moment in my daughter's birthmother's life.
    luckyshamrock

    Answer by luckyshamrock at 9:04 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • I agree with you. While I respect the women with differing points of view and acknowledge that their experiences are valid, I have gotten the impression that this is not a friendly place to discuss adoption.

    Both of my kids were exposed to meth during their prenatal periods, and their birthmothers decided to place them for adoption. Meth addicts have a 6% chance of getting clean and staying clean. Would my kids be better off with moms who continue to use? Homeless? This is a very real possibility. Both of them are involved in our lives and are considered a part of the family.

    Not every mother who relinquishes has a bad experience. I know it has to be a very painful and difficult decision, but I admire them for making it. My DD's birthmother is one of my closest friends in the world now. I never had a sister, and I claim her as my sister. I love her mom, and we have gained an extended family.
    Iamgr8teful

    Answer by Iamgr8teful at 12:38 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • bouncing momAdoption builds forever families!! 

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:58 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • My experience was sad, but I still don't have a problem talking about it. I've held a lot of other hands through it, which is healing even though sometimes I relive it just a little. Then I remember that things are okay today.
    Steff107

    Answer by Steff107 at 11:00 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • It may appear at first that all of the answers in the Adoption section shed a "less than perfect" light on adoption (I know it seemed that way to me as well). But I think that's because the Q&A doesn't let you see the history or understand the experience the poster may have had. As I've been more involved in the different groups on Cafemom related to adoption, you'll see that it's not "negative" persay, but just a wide range of experiences by all members of the triad. To say that adoption is always positive would be naive, as many people have had poor experiences, whether they are adoptive parents, adoptees, or birthparents. Like Anon above stated, it's not black andw hite
    muptgirl

    Answer by muptgirl at 11:04 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • adoption also causes loss for birthfamilies...which is not happy for them. even if you eventually "come to terms" with it, it does not mean you are "happy" about it. that's not "negative" its just a fact for many birthfamilies.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:59 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

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