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Should I tell my 19 yr old he can come back home?

My 19 yr old son will be leaving home soon.I told him he can come back home if he needs to. My neighbor said tell him he can't come back home.He is an only child and my husband and I had to live with in laws when we were newly married.Any of you moms have any advice for this first time empty nester?

 
kanake

Asked by kanake at 11:05 PM on Oct. 3, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 5 (96 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • My parents told me I could always come back if I needed to - and unfortunately, I did, a couple of times. I think, unless you raised him to be totally lazy and take advantage of people, most of us are smart enough to understand that when our parents tell us "our home is always your home" that they mean we can come back if we need to, not that we can move home and be lazy bums any old time we feel like it.

    I'd tell the neighbor to mind her own business. You know your son, you know what you and your husband are comfortable with. Unless she wants to pay your mortgage, she doesn't need to worry about what you do in your house.
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:21 AM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • My parents always told us its still our home and we were welcome back anytime.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:14 PM on Oct. 3, 2012

  • tell your neighbor to inf their own business. If you wouldnt mind your son coming back if he needed to then there is nothing wrong with it.
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:15 PM on Oct. 3, 2012

  • My doors will always be open for my kids. If I feel like I am ever being taken advantage of though it will change. Cross that road when it gets here I guess.
    RelaxedMom2-3

    Answer by RelaxedMom2-3 at 8:46 AM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • I guess maybe some stipulations would help.... I mean you don't want him thinking he can just run back home for any reason. Let him try to make it on his own first.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 11:12 PM on Oct. 3, 2012

  • Yeah- my folks have always told me no matter what, I will have a place to lay my head.
    They understand shit happens and i am adult enough to want to make it on my own.
    Set ground rules and do what you want in your home.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 11:38 PM on Oct. 3, 2012

  • When DD eventually leaves home, we will most definitely let her know that our home is always her home. Unless she is ridiculously taking advantage of us, then there would be no reason for us to ever turn her away...why would you? It's not like you stop being the parent the moment the kid moves out.

    That neighbor sounds pretty horrible to me.
    AllAboutKeeley

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 11:42 PM on Oct. 3, 2012

  • My father said the door swings both ways,
    If you need to come home we will be here to help you but not to coddle you.
    Pretty good advice.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 1:18 AM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • I don't see how it's your neighbour's business if your son comes back or not to live with you.
    If your husband and yourself are okay with your son coming back then it's ok. Maybe just set some ground rules with your son on how this thing is going to work (ie : you don't live in a hotel !)
    ajc03

    Answer by ajc03 at 6:15 AM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • I agree with all of the above. Your neighbor needs to mind her own business.
    DJDNY

    Answer by DJDNY at 8:32 AM on Oct. 4, 2012

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