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what would you do if you were me?

My DH and I had a fight last night about stuff that's not new for us. He was raised getting what he wants..if he saw a game that he wanted, someone would buy it for him. We are getting our return back and while I'm spending about half on new furniture(ours is literally broken), a new dryer (its running metal on metal when it spins) a new bed(again, its broken) and a car(we don't have one). He wants to get a TV and surround system for it, and a Wii, and many other things that we don't need now. Bottom line, it came down to me not working and having to get a job by June, or he's leaving. That was his ultimatum. He doesn't think that we can support our family with his military income alone. And he doesn't want to support me while I sit and play computer games(his thoughts). I don't want to go to work til my kids are all in school, and I don't want others to raise them. What should I do?

 
thomasfam14

Asked by thomasfam14 at 10:22 PM on Feb. 8, 2009 in Relationships

Level 3 (14 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (21)
  • HE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND WANTS VS. NEEDS. THEY R A FACT OF LIFE. HE NEEDS TO DO SOME GROWING UP TOO. HAVE U DONE THE MATH FOR HIM ON WHAT DAYCARE COSTS? I BET THAT WILL WAKE HIM UP. AND WHAT JOBS WILL HE TAKE ON WHILE U TAKE ON ANOTHER FULL TIME JOB ALONG WITH CARING FOR THE FAMILLY. SOUNDS AS IF U HAVE BN MAKING DUE WITH BARE ESSENTIALS OF WHAT IT TAKES TO DO AN IMPORTANT JOB. HE NEEDS TO UNDERSTAND TO DO IT RIGHT U AT LEAST NEED THE APPROPRIATE EQUIPTMENT AND TO B ABLE TO GET A GOOD NIGHTS SLEEP.
    THE MILITARY HAS COUNSELING SERVICES. IF HE WONT GO U START ON OUR OWN, C WHAT U CAN CHANGE TO MAKE THINGS BETTER 4 YOURSELF. I WOULD LOOK INTO MORE EDUCATION FOR U NOW , IN CASE HE LEAVES U AT LEAST WILL HAVE AHEAD START ON BEING ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF YRSELF & YR KIDS START A LITTLE BIT AT A TIME. PLAN TO GET THE NONEY FOR CLASSES OUT OF THE HOUSEHOLD BUDGET OR A LOAN U CAN REPAY WHEN U GRADUATE AND START WORKING. GL
    emily1234

    Answer by emily1234 at 2:21 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Sorry, man up and get a job. Staying home is not possible for some these days. If he's in the military, the poor guy is doing his share, he can only do so much.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:26 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • Compromise is always a good start. When he's home from his daily duties, would you take a part-time job, possibly overnights? You could schedule something around his schedule. I think if you're surviving comfortably off of his income for now, though, there shouldn't be any hurry for you to get a job.

    As far as the tax return situation ... ARGH, WHAT IS IT WITH GUYS?!?! My DH was an only child and usually got whatever he wanted, too. I know what that's like. If it were my husband wanting a new TV, I would explain that it's fine if there will be money left over, but not until the NEEDS are taken care of first. And surround sound? NOT NECESSARY. Ugh. MEN!
    KatieBatey

    Answer by KatieBatey at 10:28 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • He does sound a little immature. I really don't think he will leave you if you are home taking care of his kids. Does he know how much daycare costs? And I can't even fathom getting a new TV and a Wii when you don't have a car! I see the point of him working and earning the money so he wants to treat himself, but he's got to still think of the family's needs first.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 10:34 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • ....also, as a compromise you could possible work part-time. Having someone watch your kids for a few hours is not "raising them". Daycare teaches socialization too. It's not a bad thing.
    hopelessnance

    Answer by hopelessnance at 10:35 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • I also think a mother's place is in the home, if you can afford it. If you can't, you may have to get a job. It's a hard and sad thing. But to me it sounds more like your husband might resent you a little cause you don't work, and he does. If this is the case, more than needing money, maybe you guys should go talk to someone. IDK. That being said, if you guys have a lot of things you NEED to get with your tax money, that's what it needs to be spent on. Your husband can live with out a Wii or a big TV with surround sound.

    momjoy1027

    Answer by momjoy1027 at 10:36 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • If you are ok financially with out you working but he wants you to get a job so he can have "extras" address it as that with him. Also look at how much money you realistically will make and how much it will cost for you to go to work before the kids are in school.
    Also agree about the tax return, anytime we get a bit of extra money my DH wants to buy toys instead of saving and anything that is a household item is "my" want. UGH! MEN!
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 10:36 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • Its extremely stressful having to pay all the bills.If I could of I would of liked to stay home with our daughter...but pinching pennies just adds a lot of stress to life. I tried doing part time...and I could see that my DH was getting sick of working his butt off and never having any extra money other then to pay on bills.So now I work full time...and we are getting things paid down. And I see it this way...ONE it helps our relationship, it takes a little weight off his shoulders and takes a little stress out of our relationship.TWO as much as I love my baby it gives me a break and some adult time.THREE it makes me feel better about myself ,I'm getting out of the house and I'm helping to make things easier for our family. FOUR if you only leave your child while at work it's completely healthy...your still mom and they know it...but being around others away from mom and dad helps with their social skills. A job could be good.
    dtetz

    Answer by dtetz at 10:36 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • I'm with the compromise. Everyone wins with that one
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 10:36 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • okay sweetie...here its coming from a miltary wife. to your first response of man up and get a job....screw her, literally. she does not know what it is like. true, our hubs don't make a lot of money from teh army. they are greatly underpaid. and it is not always possible to get a job. our husbands have crazy work schedules, where we never know what time they will be home, if they are coming home, when they will be stateside or overseas or shipped out on a training mission. you have no time frame of when you can work to give to a potential employee. and what you do make, will go to cover child care. you might as well not be working at all.

    i understand needing a second income. my advice is, cut corners where you can, save all you can. try to find something you can do from home....like i'm doing. thats pretty much all you can do. you can always try to work outside the house
    tutuheaven

    Answer by tutuheaven at 10:40 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

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