Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

1 Bump

Have you ever had a male best friend? How did he treat you? Do you believe in the whole 'men and women can't be just friends' idea?

So I have this friend...Jay and he and I are "best friends" and we have been for a little over a year now.

We met in college and we hit it off right away but I started off wanting to date him until I found out he had a gf and then I switched gears and started thinking of him as a friend and we just got really close. Well the gf at that time was a little controlling and a little suspicious of me (who can blame her really?) and she started telling him he couldn't hang out with me unless he asked permission and that she wanted to meet me before we could hang again and he didn't tell me this at first and it caused issues between us...I am by no means the kind of girl that'd split people up so I told him we couldn't hang for a while and I distanced myself.

Well he started talking to me again and I found out he and the girl broke up...this was months ago. So I felt like it was okay to start hanging out like we used to. Things fell right back into place...we would hang out at school and go shopping or go get something to eat and we talked all the time about drama in our lives and just anything.

Well, recently the dynamics of our friendship have started to change a little...

He's Jewish and I'm not. I didn't know anything about Judaism and he knew that but when he told me it was Rosh Hashanah a while ago, I looked it up and learned some things and on the actually day I sent him a text saying "Shana Tova" and I guess my interest in his life was intriguing to him because things have been different ever since.

He recently asked me to have a study session at his parents house (they live close to where he works) so I knew I'd meet them but I get there and his mom is cooking and the next thing I know I'm sitting at their dining room table being drilled with questions and we hit it off instantly! So then we go to study when dinner is over and his sister shows up and then his two brothers! I met the whole family unexpectedly and I got along with them all...they are AMAZING people and we played pool and had an amazing time.

Well since then we've been getting kind of snuggly without even realizing it and the other night we were on our way to get some food and we were holding hands! He's being so sweet with me and it's just so different from how he used to treat me. He used to treat me well, don't get me wrong but it's just different now!

So the other night I was having a bad day and he talked to me for 2 hours and then I texted him after and thanked him for talking to me and he said "you're welcome, you're there for me always" and i replied "and i plan to continue to be there for you, for as long as you can tolerate me" and he comes back with "I have a very high tolerance for you ;)" and he just makes jokes about us hooking up and everyone around us has started asking "when are you two getting can't stop smiling when you're together" people in our class are approaching me and asking me what's up with us just from watching us interact during class.

So my question is...have you had a male best friend? Is this typical behavior? Do you think he likes me or is this just part of getting closer to someone of the opp sex? And do you believe that a guy and girl can ever truly be "best friends" with nothing more?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:25 PM on Oct. 4, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • Yes but, my male best friend is gay. So, no sexual tension whatsoever.

    You on the other hand, are in the beginning of a relationship. If you're single, then go for it. He obviously likes you.

    Answer by 3libras at 10:30 PM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • Yes, but then it turned sexual, so.....

    Answer by m-avi at 10:34 PM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • I won't venture to make a guess on his feelings. You showed and interest in his religion and he offered you a chance to learn a little more. I have had many male friends over the years. Three I am still very good friends with. None of us would consider each other for anything other than a stress reliever and considering that none of us has ever been into causal sex except as a joke, it would never come up. I think it is very possible depending on the friends and I do not think it necessarily leads to sex.

    I relook at you question and you said you had your radar set for him until you found out he had a girlfried.  Maybe it is you looking to push things in a different direction.


    Answer by Dardenella at 10:35 PM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • I honestly think it's hard to be just friends with the opposite sex. Unless of course they are gay. Neither me or my boyfriend have friends of the opposite sex. We have a few couples where we are all friends ,but that's different.

    Answer by JennieMarie1103 at 10:38 PM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • I've had two (or thought I did).

    The first was a guy I worked with. Really nice, fun to be around, happily married and generally off the market so I figured he was "safe", so to speak. Turns out he wasn't so happy in marriage and while I thought of him as a brother, he had other ideas. I had a boyfriend at the time and when I was moving away I was told by another co-worker that he had told everyone that he slept with me (he didn't work at the same place as I did by this time and had stopped coming around because he didn't like that I had a boyfriend). So, I thought he was a friend, but he wasn't. His wife thought we were screwing around, but that never happened. I now understand why she thought that was the case though.

    The other is my husband, but he's not just a friend.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:39 PM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • Yeah but it also turned sexual.

    Answer by Izsarejman at 10:40 PM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • But, to answer the question of if I think it's possible to be just friends? Not if either finds the other attractive and they are both heterosexuals. And really, even if one is gay it can still present a problem. I think both parties have to be completely disinterested and un-attracted to the other for it to work as a true friendship. JMO.


    Answer by QuinnMae at 10:41 PM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • I have had two guy best friends. I get along better with guys most of the time. The one is from college and even though he moved away we are still really good friends. It has always been a friend thing, nothing sexual at all. The other, turns out he was a dick. I think it is possible but very, very rare. Sounds like you guys are moving towards more than friends. Good luck!

    Answer by kmath at 11:11 PM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • Yes, my best and closest friends have always been male. And no, there was no sex involved. And yes, I do believe that men and women can be just friends.

    Answer by theMOMmission at 11:45 PM on Oct. 4, 2012

  • Yes, I have lots of friends who are guys. They know I'm married, and I know I'm married, so no problem. If a problem arises they won't be my friend anymore.
    That being said, I don't hold hands with any of them.

    Answer by PartyGalAnne at 11:49 PM on Oct. 4, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.