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My secret is I had a baby when I was a teen.My parents adopted the baby and raised him.

He called them mom and dad. I went off to college and to lead a “normal” life. “baby” is now 18 years old. We recently told him the truth.He is confused. Now I feel our relationship is awkward. He went from seeing me as his older sister to his biological mother. He says that he feels weird calling my mom “mom” when she is biologically his grandmother. He has called her mom his entire life. He hasn’t called me “mom”, but I have heard him refer to me as his mom when he was on the phone with friends. I am not comfortable with it.It feels really unnatural and unfair to my mom who has raised him. I, now, am married with a baby. Nobody in my life know about this situation. I am highly educated and have a nice life .I am just confused on how to proceed with my life. Do I tell all of my friends and in-laws?I am just being honest when I say I fear being judged and criticized. I could really use some insight.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 11:55 PM on Feb. 8, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (18)
  • I don't think anyone needs to know about this. This is personal information and it is up to you to divulge it. Good luck to you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 PM on Feb. 8, 2009

  • Wow...that's huge. I don't really have any advice for you other than to be honest about things. Good luck. I was a teen mom once. I wasn't in your situation, but I totally sympathsize with you. I don't see any reason to share this with all of your friends since it's a private family matter. I'm assuming your husband knows and accepts this tho. If he doesn't know, yes, you should tell him. 


    Answer by momjoy1027 at 12:02 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • It's "need to know" information, really. Be honest if someone hears your son talking about it and asks you, but otherwise, why bring it up?

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:13 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Yes. my husband does know. Thanks for your answers and encouragement.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • i dont really think its anyones business. if you or he feel comfortable telling someone or feel that someone needs to know share the info, otherwise its not necessary.

    Answer by Chandra034 at 12:30 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • May I ask why your son was told? I know it isn't any of my business I'm just curious. I personally wouldn't say anything unless someone hears about it. How does your mom feel about her/your child now calling you mom? She did raise him for 18 years so I'm guessing that she feels like his mother not his grandmother. I was 15 the first time I got pregnant but I wound up losing the baby at 3 months gestation, so I can't judge you for being very adult in bringing a baby into the world and then letting your parents raise him. You gave him a life that all of you can be proud of. Let your son/brother be the one to make the decision on whether or not people should be told. Also he needs to take every one's feelings into account not just his own. Lots of luck and God Bless.


    Answer by BooBear666 at 1:10 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Thank you for your answer. He was told b/c our family agreed that it was his right to know the truth. We were afraid that he would find out one day. We would rather he hear it from us. I am very grateful for the responses. The insight is invaluable.


    Answer by Anonymous at 2:49 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • My biological brother went through the exact same thing... my biological mother had my grandparents adopt him when he was six months old due to the fact that she was addicted to heroin. My sister and I were also adopted, only it was by our biological paternal aunt. I know that it was very difficult for my brother to find out the truth, but I think it would have been a lot easier on him if our biological mother hadn't tried to force herself into the role of "mom"... she's also tried to do that with me and my sister. I'm really sorry that you're having to go through this, and I personally think that you made an admiral and mature decision. Just be patient and allow him time to adjust to his new reality. You'll always be his sister... just like my Aunt Mona will always be Josh's sister (even though biologically it's his aunt lol).

    Answer by prinzesstephi at 3:17 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Come join the Adoption within the Family group. Great women that have been through similar situations

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 8:31 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I don't think its anyones business. You don't owe anyone the truth but him and now that he knows...its his truth. Let him decide whom he wants to tell. I can imagine him being confused. Thats pretty heavy info.

    Answer by momofsaee at 9:51 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

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