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WHAT DO I DO WHEN A CLOSE FAMILY MEMBER REALLY NEEDS PROFESSIONAL HELP AND SHE WILL NOT GO TO GET IT. IN THE MEAN TIME SHE IS DRIVING ME CRAZY WITH ALL THE 3 AM CALLS ABOUT HOW AFRAID SHE IS. HOW SHE CANT DO IT WITHOUT THE BUM WHO ABUSED HER FOR YEARS. SHE HAS 2 KIDS HE TOOK WITH HIM TO MARRY THE WOMEN HE HAS BEEN SEEING BEHIND HER BACK FOR YEARS.

SHE CANT TAKE CARE OF HERSELF LET ALONE KIDS BUT WILL NOT SAY SHE WILL GET HELP. SHE HAS A FRIEND WHO IS TAKING TOTAL ADVANTAGE OF HER BECAUSE SHE IS SHARING THE MONEY SHE IS GETTING FROM ANOTHER FM. SHE USES IT FOR FUN AND THEN CRIES THAT THE KIDS NEED STUFF, THE KIDS R SUFFERING BUT R WITH THE DAD. HE IS LETTING HER SEE THEM ON OCCASION AND THEY CRY FOR HER. SHE DID STAY AT HOME WITH THEM BUT DIDNT DO A THING. CANT COOK, CLEAN, MAKE A SANDWICH IS A CHALLENGE. NOW THE FRIEND IS TELLING ME I AM MEAN FOR NOT SUPPORTING HER DECISOIN TO TRY TO GET HIM BACK, IT IS HARD BACAUSE SHE WILL TELL ME ALL AND WHEN I DONT SAY WHAT SHE WANTS WILL SCREAM BACK I AM READY TO CHANGE MY PHONE NUMBER. I DO FEEL SO SORRY FOR THE KIDS. 2 PARENTS AND THEY R BOTH JERKS. ANY SUGGESTIONS? I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING I CAN THINK OF. SHE WANTS WHAT SHE SHOULD HV SEEN WASNT GOOD IN THE FIRST PLACE. SHE TELLS EVERYONE A DIFFERENT STORY FOR "help".

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:00 AM on Feb. 9, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • If you feel that she is leading a lifestyle that is detrimental to her emotional health (and that looks like the case here) and know other family members who feel the same way, perhaps an intervention is in order? The group of you can contact local therapists to see if any of them can mediate an intervention and meet together with pre-written letters for your family member telling her how you feel. You can each explain to her instances where her behavior has hurt you and let her know that if she does not seek professional help that she can no longer call you or come over to your house. If you don't have anyone that would support you in an intervention, write her a heartfelt letter yourself. Let her know you love her, the good times you've had with her, the horrible times where her behavior has hurt you and that she cannot call or come over unless she's getting help for these problems.

    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 3:08 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • That is a tough one isn't it? I mean you have been there for her and listend and suggested getting help. Yet from what you seem to be saying she will not help herself. It may be time to tell her to get help or you yourself is going to wind up in therapy from having to deal with her.
    pnwmom

    Answer by pnwmom at 3:11 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • She sounds like a "pity me because I am so f'ed up and dont want to fix it" type person my sister is the same way, and I don't feed into her crap yeah I get crap from my mom and her because I won't go along with her and tell her what she wants to hear but hey the truth hurts so get over it, I say let her figure it out on her own and if you unfortunately lose a friend in the processes then maybe you will be better off

    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 3:14 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I would take a big step back, myself.

    Drink your water, take your vitamins.

    You cannot solve her, cannot change her, you can only do so much.

    Spend some time apart, learn to use caller ID, and don't get so caught up in someone else's drama that you forget about yourself.

    You can be a positive influence and support without being entangled in all of her mess.

    If you can, try to maintain a steady relationship with the children - sounds like they need all the help they can get.

    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 3:15 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • THE CHILDREN R THE PROBLEM. I HAVE TRIED TO GET THEM HELP BUT ITS VERY HARD. WHEN SHE DENIES ANY PROBLEM. THEN DAD GETS MAD. I KNOW SHE NEEDS TO START TO DO 4 HERSELF OR GET THE HELP SHE NEEDS. SHE IS GOOD AT COVERING UP AND ACTING AS IF EVERYTHING WILL B FINE IN THE MORNING.
    SHE NDS TO LEARN HOW TO TAKE CARE OF KIDS OR LET ANOTHER DO IT. THEY R SO UPSET. I FEEL BAD FOR THEM. IT IS AS IF THEY R INVISIBLE. NO HLP FRM SCHOOL OR ANYONE ELSE. I TRY TO KEEP IN TOUCH WITH THEM. SHE WILL GV A REASON 4 EVERY SOLUTION SUGGESTED WOUT HAVING TRIED ANY . HOW CN SOME ONE B AFRAID OF NVR TRYING SH E SAYS SHE LKS ATTENTION. I AM NOT GIVING HR ANYMORE. MAYBE THATS IT. AS PP SAYS, I AM GETTING EXHAUSTED. I TURN OFF PHONE RINGER JUST SO SHE CANT WAKE ME UP NOW. ITS BN 6 MONTHS SINCE HE LEFT. SHE NO BETTER OFF NOW THEN 6 MOS AGO!!.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:44 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • How old are the kids?
    hautemama83

    Answer by hautemama83 at 3:50 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • If only for the children's sake - you may need to do a family intervention, like NovemberLove suggested. I hate for you to put even more energy into this crazy situation, but if she realizes that 1) everyone in her family thinks she has a problem, 2) all of you are willing to help but also that 3) all of you have reached your limits with lies and nonsense, maybe it will work.

    Probably not.

    It sucks about those kids.
    Wimsey

    Answer by Wimsey at 4:21 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • THE BIGGEST PROBLEM IS A FRIEND WHO HAS INTEREVENED HERSELF BY SAYING SHE CAN TEACH HER ALL SHE NEEDS TO KNW.4 THE ENTIRE TIME SHE HAS KEPT HER FROM PROF. HELP. AND SHARING IN $ SHE IS TAKING FROM OTHER FM.FINALLY GOT HER CLOSE AND IT COLLLAPSED WHEN SHE JUST WOULD NOT FOLLOW THRU SINCE SHE DIDNT WANT TOO. FRIEND HAS BECOME PERSON WHO JUST DOES WHAT ABUSEIVESO DID, ORDERS HER AROUND.AND SHE LKS IT AS I THINK SHE ONLY KNWS THAT WAY, WHY FM FOOTING BILL,IS DOING SO IS BEYOND ME. KIDS R JUST NOT AN ISSUE FOR MOM. SHE ONLY WANTS THEM IF SO COMES BACK WITH THEM. THAT WHAT I DONT GET. HW SOMEONE IS WILLING TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF ANOTHR SO VUNERABLE. INTERVENTION OR FALLING FLAT ON HER FACE WHEN THE $ IS GONE SMS TO B WHAT WILL HAPPEN. IT HARD TO WATCH. SHE SAYS SHE LKIES TO B TOLD WHAT TO DO. SHES OLD ENOUGH TO DO BETTER. JUST DOESNT WANT TO CARE FOR HERSELF OR HER KIDS WITHOUT JERK WHO IS A BUM. AS I SAID HATD TO WATCH.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:13 AM on Feb. 9, 2009

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