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3 Bumps

Help! I need to kick out the freeloaders and I can't find the words!

My boyfriend and I, and our two boys, moved from the country to the city in June. My cousin from the southern part of our state has asked me a few times over the past couple years if she could come stay with me for various reasons. She is not stable, and doesnt really work. Due to her drama in the past, I always said no. So I picked her up in August to spend the night; she was renting a room in a house with this weirdo 35miles away. It turned into a week. She finally went home and ended up being assaulted and was found unconscious on a side of the road by the police. I pickd her up at the hospital at 5am. She stayed here again. At some point we did discuss getting a bed to put up here for her. At the same time, my brother has ben staying here on and off to help with childcare. He was invited and stayed the summer as our babysitter when the boys were out of school. I live in a 3 bedroom townhouse. They dont really get along, they've taken over my whole downstairs, and I cant take it. Explaining to my brother is not a problem. He stays out of our hair, helps with the kids and housework, doesnt take over the couch/living room, and her can go home. She takes and uses all my stuff, doesnt contribute in any way, sleeps all day on my couch so we cant use the living room, and I hate how she yells at my kids. She doesnt like my brother so she posts up in MY bedroom, driving my boyfriend nuts. I love my cousin and dont want to hurt her feelings, I know she hates it where she was staying, but I cant support the world. I told everyone that since the kids were going to be gone this weekend, we needed a romantic weekend and everyone had to go. She went to stay with a friend and is coming back Tuesday morning. What do I say?! I dont want to hurt her feelings or havee her hate me, she;s like my best friend. Please help me find the right words!!!

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AngelicaDem

Asked by AngelicaDem at 7:58 PM on Oct. 7, 2012 in Relationships

Level 19 (7,746 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • Uh, I know lots of words but can't use any of them in here at this particular time. Look at it this way, since you are a softee pie, tell your folks point blank, "You know I love you and I've done all I can do at this point to help you, but I have to make some changes here at my home and you're going to have to find another place to stay." Prior to said speech, look at the calendar and seen when you want the changes to take place. If you don't you will be 12 years getting your home back. That's how long it takes. Seen it happen. We know times are tough for everybody right now, but often it is just easier for people to look to you for resolution, helping doesn't mean allowing people to take advantage of you, and as nice as your S/O may be, it still can have a negative impact on your relationship. Three Bdrm TH is probably not the best set up for four adults and 2 kids. Where does everybody sleep? Best wishes :)
    jdjamm

    Answer by jdjamm at 1:04 AM on Oct. 17, 2012

  • Start with this, "This is not working"
    JackieGirl007

    Answer by JackieGirl007 at 9:35 PM on Oct. 8, 2012

  • Honey, she's NOT your best friend. You may think she is, but she is NOT. She's using you. The minute you tell her to go she WILL hate you no matter HOW you put it. No matter how.

    She uses your stuff, you hate the way she yells at your kids... with friends like this WHO NEEDS ENEMIES?

    She's a leech. Pick her off before she sucks you dry.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 11:22 AM on Oct. 8, 2012

  • Okay, thank you, But_Mommie, that is exactly what I'm looking for! I just really don't want her to hate me. I am going to go with what you said. I have been considering a bit of a cop out - saying that its my boyfriend who has the main problem wih the situation; he is in charge of the finances and that would take some heat off me. -- OPINIONS ON THIS PLEASE?

    I appreciate the info on the legal ramifications, Anonymous, but I've worked in the legal field for 8 years. In this State, establishing residency is more than bringing a backpack and bunking on the couch, several factors in this case show there is no cause to file eviction of this guest. Not to mention the fact that she is my cousin, who can be annoying but isnt a lunatic so she wouldnt post up as an unwanted squatter once asked to leave.
    AngelicaDem

    Comment by AngelicaDem (original poster) at 12:03 AM on Oct. 8, 2012

  • Just tell her the finacial strain is too much on XYZ date she needs to be out or contributing XYZ amount for expenses.
    GrnEyedGrandma

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 11:58 PM on Oct. 7, 2012

  • I'd be honest with her and suggest she find other accommodations but you can't just kick her out legally. You have to evict her if she won't voluntarily leave. Once you allow a person to set up residence in your home then it's their home as well. So, just tell her it's time she found another place to live. You could try telling her you know it's been an adjustment for her and realize she probably wants to be in a place of her own. Offer to help her move if she needs your help. If you make it all about her she might fall for it and go.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Oct. 7, 2012

  • I agree with butmommie. You can tell her she needs to learn to take care of herself and you are just enabling her. Naturally, your brother comes first as he also contributes. I'd just say it's impossible to take care of everyone and you must put your fam first.
    jeanclaudia

    Answer by jeanclaudia at 9:03 PM on Oct. 7, 2012

  • I would say this:

    (insert name here) I have enjoyed having you here and I am glad I could help you out but we really need to set a timeline as to when you will be able to begin living on your own. I would be happy to help you make arrangements and plan some savings. I would like to see you able to take care of yourself and frankly with you currently unable to make any contributions to the household it is getting harder and harder to support my family when I having to take care of an additional person. Lets work together to find a date for you to move out. I know you are probably angry at me right now but I assure you I have both of our best interest at heart and I really and willing to help you get your things in order. If you wouold like I can help you fill out applications, look into local financial aide programs... whatever you need. Just let me know but we really need to get moving on this. Let's pick a date.'
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:24 PM on Oct. 7, 2012

  • tell sister to hi the road
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 8:23 PM on Oct. 7, 2012

  • Just tell her she has xxx amount of time to bounce. I have no problem booting people out of my house,you're nicer then me
    Mrs_Harsh

    Answer by Mrs_Harsh at 8:00 PM on Oct. 7, 2012

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