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Should grandparents make SOME sacrifices?

Here is the deal.My daughter and son in law are trying to have a baby.I said as soon as she says she is pregnant,I will put down my ciggarettes for the sake of my grandchild.My husband will do the same.My son in law's father said he will NOT give up cigarettes and she will NOT keep the baby away from his house.I told him that he had to make sacrifices to be in the baby's life.He said he is not the one having the baby and should not have to make any sacrifices especially not being allowed to smoke in his own house.He CAN smoke in his own house,they will just not bring the baby there.
Do we not need to make some sacrifices as grandparents?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:15 PM on Feb. 9, 2009 in General Parenting

Answers (60)
  • I would NOT take my daughter to a smoke filled house. But I guess that is completely up to the parent of the child whether or not they think the grandparents should make sacrifices.

    Answer by SandraB383 at 12:26 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • That's every individual's choice to make on their own. We can't control others, only ourselves. He has every right to continue smoking, but he also has to realize that in doing so, he IS making the decision to loose contact with his grandchild. He can't MAKE them bring the baby over any more than they can make him stop smoking.

    Speaking from experience here. My father in law saw my oldest child once when he was 2 1/2 (now 10 1/2)... he has never seen his other grandchildren. Although this is not solely based on smoking around the kids ---- the fact remains that he dug his own hole on this one. The choices he's made (and continues to make) have determined the lack of relationship he has with us.

    Answer by Laura1229 at 12:26 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • i think smoking his choice. he should be prepared to not see the baby though. I mean i wouldnt let my son around someone who was smoking or in a smoke filled house. props to you and your husband though!

    Answer by Chandra034 at 12:28 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I would never bring my children to a house where people would be smoking around them. EVER. I don't care if it was my own mother. So while we can't force anyone to change their behavior, I can sure as hell protect my kids from things that could be dangerous to them.

    Answer by peppermintmocha at 12:29 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Who is controlling who? Who pays who'se bills? If he chooses to continue to smoke, in his home, great, it's HIS choice, they just don't have to go to his house, he can go to theirs and not smoke around the baby. We have friends and family that smoke in their own house, it's their business to, we don't have any right to tell them what to do in their own house, we just never went there to visit inside, when we did, we stayed outside......met at another place....or had them over to our house, with the NO SMOKING INSIDE rule applying. Why control others in THEIR OWN HOME?!! Sacrafice? That is a personal choice, actually, he'd be sacraficing his grandchild by not being able to come inside his home. His home, his choice, his control.....!! BTW, both hubby and I smoke, NOT inside and NEVER around the children, anyone who comes to our house has to obey by our home rules, our home, our choice, our control.....!!

    Answer by blessed5x at 12:31 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • She has no issues with him smoking in his own home and I smoked with my kids but with everything they know now,she does not want anyone around her child who smells like cigarrettes.My son in law will not quit but he will not smoke in the house and he will do his best not to smell like cigarettes either.(he only smoke 5 cigarrettes a day anyway)While ,I admit,she is going a little far,I am going to go along with her wishes.I will not smoke at all so that I will not smell like smoke.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Free country and he has made his own mind up, I'd let it go.

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 12:36 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • She is the child's mother and she can decide where to take her child. If that means NOT taking her baby to a smoke filled home that's her decision and the grandfather has to live with it. Just like she has to live with the fact that he can smoke in his house if he wants, even if it means not taking the baby over there. I'm sure she doesn't like having to say that but who said parenting is easy? We've all had to make choices for our children that not everyone agrees with and sometimes people's feelings get hurt but if we think we're making the right choice for our kids we wouldn't let anyone change our minds right? And she's not saying he can't smoke because she doesn't have that right, she's saying I won't endanger my babies health by bringing her into the house where there is smoke in the air.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • My mother smokes...I would not tell her she had to stop inorder to see her granddaughter.
    She does not smoke when taking care of my daughter (she goes outside)....
    I do not think he should have to give up his butts...he is a grown man..

    Answer by Dannee at 1:09 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Grandparents can do what they want - and so can parents. If they don't want their child around smoke they won't take her over there. My MIL smoked for a long time, but wouldn't do it around my children and did finally quit for them. I would've never told her she had to quit smoking, but i made it very clear that I didn't want my children around smoke and she wanted to have them over, that was the deal.

    Answer by MommyAddie at 1:35 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

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