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follow up on step-mom appointment question

wow, that was fast! thanks to everyone. It's just been a really hard road being a step-mom, and I have never treated him any different from our other 2 children. Making appointments for him I guess just come naturally, he needs his teeth cleaned we, as in Dad and I, just make the appointments. Of course always, always always tell his mother what is happening with him, school, sports(will be next question) anything he's invovled in she knows about it. she never did any of that for us. it was like pulling teeth just to have him on the weekends. Like I said it was a really rough road. she lives about 45 minutes away, we really can't depend on her to take care of it. And we do have primary residency of him, he sees his mother on the weekends. (a really long and horrible story) but we share custody. Any other thoughts now that I explained a little more, or maybe I should just back off?

Answer Question
 
MrsG423

Asked by MrsG423 at 2:20 PM on Feb. 9, 2009 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 4 (38 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • Then it isnt really shared custody you took her son from her. He lives with you Right?.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:22 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • ummm, no she did it to herself and yes, we share custody. yes he lives with us during the week and goes to her on the weekends. listen you have no idea how or why this happened, The judge obviously found her unfit, for numerous reason. no we don't not take him away, she did.
    MrsG423

    Answer by MrsG423 at 2:43 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Ok, after being in a similar situation, I see NO problem with you just taking care of it. If she's 45 min away, and only has him on weekends, she just isn't in the position to handle it. That's not knocking her, just schedule wise, it usually won't work.
    **most judges/states no longer word the order as shared custody with primary residency, which I think might be confusing somepeople. My custody arrangement was worded the same. My son lived with me, but his dad had joint decision making and was kept informed. I set it all up, but he had to be responsible for the stuff on his end. I let the teachers know that he may contact them and get info, report cards, etc. Each dentist had the others info, so if somehting happened, we were prepared.
    redhddiva

    Answer by redhddiva at 4:29 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • FYI -- I'm been on both sides of the issue. Stepmom and bio mom. My step-daughter lived with us for many years, and my son moved to his dads when he was a teen. My husband and I married when they were just 4 & 5. My sons step-mom didn't steal him! She was just married to his dad, and we all did the best we could do.
    redhddiva

    Answer by redhddiva at 4:37 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I am not totally sure what you are asking. If you are asking, is it okay for you to make his appointments, and things like that then Yes. He lives you with Monday through Friday, correct, so it makes sense that you would do these things.

    I do believe that as long as his mother knows that is going on then there should not be a problem. Although you have had a difficult time with her and this situation she is still his mother and you have shared custody.

    Hope it helps and good luck
    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 7:19 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I am sure it is hard, and it sounds like his mother has issues....but like you said, just treat her with respect and let her know what is going on as much as you possibly can. If he is with you most of the time, then it would seem he would need to have his teeth cleaned during that time!
    BJoan

    Answer by BJoan at 12:17 PM on Feb. 14, 2009

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