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4 Bumps

Why is sex important in a marriage or relationship?

Shouldn't your spouse love you whether or not you have sex. Sex is for reproducing. We have one child who is 10 months old, we haven't had sex since right before i found out i was pregnant. Why is this so bad ? I just don't get it. I do not feel any closer to my husband after sex than i did before we had sex. I mean you just lay there with someone and get used for fun then go to sleep i'm not sure how that is influencing the importance of a relationship.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:58 PM on Oct. 12, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (43)
  • It depends on the couple. If your spouse feels the same way and you're both happy there isn't a problem. However I think you're underestimating how important sex can be in maintaining intimacy and closeness in a couple over the years together.
    RyansMom001

    Answer by RyansMom001 at 2:20 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • What adnilm said. Plus it provides the opportunity to feel really close in an intimate way. I don't know it is hard to describe. If you are both comfortable with how things are and it works for you both then you should not care what others think.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 2:20 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • I think it really depends on the couple. Most men are physically needy. This is how they feel loved by their partner. Same for women. We all have ways that we interpret love from our partners, the key is figuring out each other's needs and making sure that we fulfill them in ways that make them feel loved, and vice versa. If your DH and you don't have sex often and you are both okay with that, then maybe he interprets love from you in words of affirmation, or you doing nice things for him.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:22 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • ok. We just never have been a very sexual couple. It's something i could live with or without and it wouldn't really bother me. I enjoy it somewhat when we do have sex, but what is important to me is that we love each other. Sex doesn't make me feel closer with him, it's just sex. It is just an activity to me like riding a bike, or going shopping, just something you do. We have had sex maybe 25 times since we have been married. we were together for a year but didnt have sex til our wedding when we wanted to try for a baby, 5 months later i was pregnant and then we haven't had sex since then
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:28 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • to the person who suggested i read about blow jobs, i do not do that i find that disgusting and do not like him to reciprocate, it just seems wrong to me
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:30 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • It's whatever works for you and your DH. As long as you are on the same page, normal is whatever you both are good with.


    I recently heard (yes- gossip) about a woman that was divorcing her husband. Their entire marriage (over 20 years) they went without sex. They had two children, both of which were conceived through IVF. The husband was just not interested in having sex. At all. He loved his wife and everything about their life together, he just didn't have a physical need to have sex with her or anyone else. She seemed okay with it for a long time, but as her kids got older she realized that she wanted more and desired a physical connection with her husband. He gave her permission to find sex elsewhere. Just sex. They would stay married. She met someone primarily for a physical relationship and fell in love with him. Left her husband and is moving on with the new guy.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:34 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • Sexual contact is not just for reproduction just as speak is not just to convey VITAL information.
    It is an expression of the love that you feel for each other. It also soothes hurt and shares joy. It builds closeness.It is another form of communication.
    Touch is vital to human balance.
    I don't know, why do you think?
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:35 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • So communication is key and as long as you are both on the same page of what you need out of your marriage and from each other, then you both can determine what is normal for you as a couple.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 2:35 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • I mean you just lay there with someone and get used for fun then go to sleep

    Then you are not doing it right.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 2:36 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • "to the person who suggested i read about blow jobs, i do not do that i find that disgusting and do not like him to reciprocate, it just seems wrong to me."

    Wow. Now I feel doubly sorry for both of you.
    ABeaverhausen

    Answer by ABeaverhausen at 2:37 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

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