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How much time should my husband be spending with his friends?

My husband works anywhere from 8-12 hours a day. We have a 2 year old daughter that he isn't involved with as much as I would like him to be. When he gets home, he usually spends about 30 minutes with us, and then heads off with his friends. I don't know if I am being petty, but I feel like I am about to offer him an ultimatum, either us or his friends. I know hanging out with his friends is fine, but not an everyday kind of thing. So please share with me, how much time you think is appropriate for men to hang out with friends.
Thank you!!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Feb. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • I do not think that everyday is appropriate, esp if he is only home for dinner. It is like he is dining and dashing... I would be upset if it were me. I would tell him that it is bothering you and ask if he can limit his friend time to twice a week.
    dakotaNrye

    Answer by dakotaNrye at 3:38 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Not an everyday thing...hanging out with friends...
    tell him to grow up..your not in 9th grade..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 3:38 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • But not both on his weekend... like one work day, one off day.
    dakotaNrye

    Answer by dakotaNrye at 3:39 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I think everyday is too much. I stay at home with our 16 month old twins all week while he is at work, he works nights, if he wants to go to a friends after work I don't care cause we are sleeping when he gets home, Weekends I work and I spend about and hour on Saturdays after work with my coworkrs, when I get home, I tell him he can go out, but he usually doesn't. I would say one night a week is okay. Shit, I wish I had one night a week to see my friends. So, no your not being petty!!!!!
    Andrewbrian2

    Answer by Andrewbrian2 at 3:41 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • If you're on the brink of offering him an ultimatum, I would say that whatever time he is currently spending is too much. I think people should spend as much time with their friends as they want AS LONG AS their primary responsibilities are met. You and your daughter are his primary responsibilities. He walked down the aisle with you, not his friends. He vowed to put you first in everything. I would calmly tell him how you feel and offer a compromise. Set a loose-schedule such as Monday is family night, Tuesday is spending time with DD, Wednesday is date night for you two and Thursday is another family night. You need to have a night where he is with DD so that you can go out with YOUR friends or have "you" time. The other nights he can be with his friends and it would be nice if you could go out with him and his friends too. Don't they have wives and girlfriends that can come out too? (cont.)

    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 3:46 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • (cont.) calmly and plainly lay out for him the current situation. How much time do you get for yourself? vs. How much time does DD get with him? vs. How much time do you spend as a family? vs. How much time do the two of you spend together? vs. How much time is he out spending with his friends? When he sees the huge imbalance, then ask him if he thinks that's fair. Make him feel like his in a conversation, not a confrontation. Ask him if there's anything that bothers him about home that makes him not want to be there? Tell him how not wanting to be home with you makes you feel. Men respond better when there isn't a whole lot of emotion involved in the conversation. When you're yelling or crying, all they hear is that they're being nagged at instead of hearing what you're saying. Your goal shouldn't be to win an argument, it should be to be heard and understood by your partner. Good luck!

    NovemberLove

    Answer by NovemberLove at 3:50 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • You must truly love your man and that is okay.... However let him do want he feel is the right thing to do. I do suggest you give him "that ultimatum... if you think is would do any good.
    You and the girls maybe, or is important to him... sounds like he enjoys him some "ME" time!
    As for me I do not care if my husband don't come home.... Wish nothing bad on him, but I am sick of been married to him... we've been married for eighteen year... and after 3 years of marriage he start to go on these trip with is buddies while he has continued to do.
    By no means am I saying anything bad about your husband, just be careful. And for your question he's a MAN..... and they usually do as they please!


    Polo66

    Answer by Polo66 at 4:28 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • How old is he? It sounds like he's a kid. And kids prefer to be with their friends.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • What are you doing to make home so exciting when he gets there that he doesn't want to leave? Are you waiting at the door every afternoon, looking your absolute prettiest, with a big smile on your face, telling him that you are so glad to see him and have him home after missing him so badly all day long? Does the house look neat and inviting? Is supper ready? Or are you ready to pick a fight the second he steps through the door? Are you placing demands on him that he is not equipped to meet? Are you telling him how much you appreciate how hard he works so that you can stay at home or does he feel like he's just taken for granted? Men will go where they are made to feel welcome and appreciated. They will flee from where they are not.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 4:48 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Wow I find the answer from NannyB pretty hilarious. Actually my husband and I both work, so the things you mentioned are not always possible. I think that what you stated is a little excessive, but yes dinner is ready, house is clean, my daughter and I greet him. Regardless of what I do when he gets home does NOT give him the right to spend more time with his friends than his daughter.

    Also, my husband is 21.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

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