My husband works anywhere from 8-12 hours a day. We have a 2 year old daughter that he isn't involved with as much as I would like him to be. When he gets home, he usually spends about 30 minutes with us, and then heads off with his friends. I don't know if I am being petty, but I feel like I am about to offer him an ultimatum, either us or his friends. I know hanging out with his friends is fine, but not an everyday kind of thing. So please share with me, how much time you think is appropriate for men to hang out with friends.
Asked by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Feb. 9, 2009 in Relationships
Answer by dakotaNrye at 3:38 PM on Feb. 9, 2009
Answer by Dannee at 3:38 PM on Feb. 9, 2009
Answer by dakotaNrye at 3:39 PM on Feb. 9, 2009
Answer by Andrewbrian2 at 3:41 PM on Feb. 9, 2009
If you're on the brink of offering him an ultimatum, I would say that whatever time he is currently spending is too much. I think people should spend as much time with their friends as they want AS LONG AS their primary responsibilities are met. You and your daughter are his primary responsibilities. He walked down the aisle with you, not his friends. He vowed to put you first in everything. I would calmly tell him how you feel and offer a compromise. Set a loose-schedule such as Monday is family night, Tuesday is spending time with DD, Wednesday is date night for you two and Thursday is another family night. You need to have a night where he is with DD so that you can go out with YOUR friends or have "you" time. The other nights he can be with his friends and it would be nice if you could go out with him and his friends too. Don't they have wives and girlfriends that can come out too? (cont.)
Answer by NovemberLove at 3:46 PM on Feb. 9, 2009
(cont.) calmly and plainly lay out for him the current situation. How much time do you get for yourself? vs. How much time does DD get with him? vs. How much time do you spend as a family? vs. How much time do the two of you spend together? vs. How much time is he out spending with his friends? When he sees the huge imbalance, then ask him if he thinks that's fair. Make him feel like his in a conversation, not a confrontation. Ask him if there's anything that bothers him about home that makes him not want to be there? Tell him how not wanting to be home with you makes you feel. Men respond better when there isn't a whole lot of emotion involved in the conversation. When you're yelling or crying, all they hear is that they're being nagged at instead of hearing what you're saying. Your goal shouldn't be to win an argument, it should be to be heard and understood by your partner. Good luck!
Answer by NovemberLove at 3:50 PM on Feb. 9, 2009
Answer by Polo66 at 4:28 PM on Feb. 9, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 4:45 PM on Feb. 9, 2009
Answer by NannyB. at 4:48 PM on Feb. 9, 2009
Answer by Anonymous at 5:09 PM on Feb. 9, 2009