Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

3 Bumps

Do I have a right to know who my daughter stays with when she's with her dad?

My DD is 4 and goes to her dad's on the weekends. We have no court order or anything, she just sees him on his days off. So I dropped her off tonight, and on his facebook he says he is at the movies...

So instead of leaving her here with her MOTHER, he takes her from me and leaves her with someone I don't even know. Everyone is telling me I should take him to court to get everything set up in writing.

He told me he is going to claim her on his taxes when I pay her child care, insurance, clothes, everything else she needs/wants for the last 4 years. Is that even possible?

Answer Question

Asked by sunshineemommy at 10:56 PM on Oct. 12, 2012 in General Parenting

Level 16 (3,085 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • He cannot claim her on taxes. You need to go to court. You need to make sure you see a lawyer that can set conditions for visitation and child support

    Answer by adnilm at 10:58 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • No you should claim her on taxes since she lives with you. And yes you should know who she stays with when he is not going to be there.

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 11:02 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • Okay, your first issue is NOT about your taxes.. you have a far more serious issue. If he has her this weekend and he instead chooses to leave her with someone while he goes out, that is NOT right. You need to contact an attorney and find out what your rights are. If your child is scared, uncomfortable or even not in a safe environment, he can definitely lose his rights. Not sure how other states work, but our attorney instructed my daughter that if she ever felt uncomfortable she could refuse to go with her father. End of story.

    Answer by m-avi at 11:03 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • He can claim her on taxes but he shouldn't. You claim her. If he's already done it then you won't be able to efile and claim her, you will have to paper file it. Then let the IRS handle it, he'll get in trouble with them. I've been through it!
    But you definitely should go to court and get everything in writing so there aren't any questions.

    Answer by missanc at 11:03 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • You need to get everything in writing. Including a provision for only staying with her father during his time, no one else. Make sure you claim her on your taxes and you have documentation of the time she spent with you vs him. They will see she spent over 51% of the year with you and you will get to claim her. I would contact a lawyer in your area and work on getting a CO set up that specifies all these things plus sets an actual visitation schedule.

    Answer by kmath at 11:06 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • His family doesn't even know how to raise their own kids and I don't trust them with my daughter at all. I tried calling him but obviously he didn't answer, I'm just worried about her. If I go to the human services department will they help me with the whole court thing?

    Comment by sunshineemommy (original poster) at 11:08 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • I think it is time to get it in writing. He should be paying child support. However when it is in writing, when he has custody he has the right to leave her with whomever he wants. He does not need your permission any more than you do.This is provided he is her LEGAL father; you were married or he is listed on the birth certificate or both. If neither of those is true he has no right to her at all unless he files.
    When you file you can aske for back support as well.
    The court order should specify who may claim the child in which years. FYI in most states fathers are required to provide health insurance for the child If you were married he can technically claim her on his taxes, however if you also claim that year there will be penalties and an investigation. Easier to get it all nice and clear..

    Answer by Dardenella at 11:55 PM on Oct. 12, 2012

  • He is on the birth certificate but we were never married. My husband carries insurance for her and it is very good. Is there a way the court will just make him pay more for that part of her insurance instead of him getting his own insurance for her?

    Comment by sunshineemommy (original poster) at 12:04 AM on Oct. 13, 2012

  • Please tell me you saved receipts? if not then okay start doing so,thats your best weaopon, tell the day care you need copies of your payment records from the day she fierst started to present, the same goes for insurance as well, request those copies, any and all things at this point that you buy clothes, toys, needs etc... place in its own file, do not let him see where you have placed it, now yes there is an answer to the insurance question, follow your frends as well as the advice of adnilm @ 10:58 pm on Oct 12,2012, the advice is sound., let the courts also know in this age of kidnapping and child molestation you do not want your child being left with others, if its visitation then he should be spending time with his child otherwise pick her up when he'll be home, and be strong no to him filing taxes on her, tell him you have receipts, if he does he faces federal fraud charges and you won't hesitate to implement them!

    Answer by DCR1 at 10:20 AM on Oct. 13, 2012

  • Get a lawyer. File child support with the Child Support Enforcement Office. If she lives with you year round then he cannot claim her on taxes because he does not meet the criteria. My ex pays alot alot of child support, insurance, medical, tuition, trust fund, clothing allowance etc and he does not meet the criteria to claim her on his taxes because she lives with me 11 months out of the year. Get your receipts together. Get a lawyer. Call the bar association and get a 30 minute meeting for $25 with a family law attorney. Get everything in writing and filed with thecourt. I did it myself without an attorney.

    Answer by booklover545 at 12:31 PM on Oct. 13, 2012

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in General Parenting
? about thumbs

Next question overall (Money & Work)
Bakery name