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How Can I get my oldest boy to listen and do as I ask???

My oldest boy is 4 and as stubborn as a mule...Won't listen when I ask him to come here he laughs and runs the other way... He throws a fit if asked to do the smallest thing...He get bossy and mean to his younger brother...I am at my wits end...Help any advice would be great...

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P-B4-we-go

Asked by P-B4-we-go at 3:55 PM on Feb. 9, 2009 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (6)



  • I really recommend you get the book: raising our children, raising ourselves by naomi aldort.
    keyaziz

    Answer by keyaziz at 4:12 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • When you ask him to do something, give him his choices and consequences. Then follow through on the consequences every time. When he gets bossy, teach him how to use his manners and repeat as often as necessary. Do not respond to a bossy demand - just remind him to use his manners and if he refuses, put him in think time (or time out) until he can remember how to use his manners. Make sure you're giving him appropriate choices - let him have some control over his life and he's less likely to be mulish. No matter how frustrating he is, stay calm and consistent with choices and consequences. Also, make sure that you're not giving him negative reinforcement - make sure you're offering a lot of positive praise for when he does behave. He may be pushing your buttons because that's when HE feels like he gets the best attention from you.
    JPsMommy605

    Answer by JPsMommy605 at 4:54 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • He's probably behaving that way to get attention, and is feeling that negative behavior is the way to get it. Interact with him and talk to him at times other than when you are telling him what to do. Play games with him, read books, ask him to come to you when you are offering something fun, so he won't assume that when you are asking him to do something, it's something that is for you that he doesn't want to do. Even though he is your oldest, 4 is still very young and they still need lots of love and affection at that age. Play with him, praise him, and when he does something naughty, quickly put him in timeout or divert his attention so he will know you mean buisness when you say no, and pay close attention so you can catch him right when the behavior starts rather than after he has been getting away with it for 20 minutes. If he knows you are on your game, both with playing and watching him, he's less likely to misbehave.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Check out http://www.parentmagic.com/


    Get the 1-2-3 Magic dvd and/or book.  It is really easy and it really works!!  I have one REALLY challenging one and it even works with him ;-)

    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 9:23 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Um, use consequences, be VERY consistent and ALWAYS follow through......demand that he respect you. if you can't control your kid as a four year old, how the heck will you be able to control him when he's fourteen?
    ggad

    Answer by ggad at 8:25 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • you need to speak nicely to him. he's mirroring what he sees in the home.
    do you speak the same to the younger child?
    perhaps he sees a difference in behavior towards him and towards his younger sibling.
    sometimes it's that simple...but we tend to overlook it.
    JANIKA66

    Answer by JANIKA66 at 8:15 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

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