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Is it wrong to punish them?

My dh is 28 and the oldest of many siblings. We have had legal guardianship of his brother and sister who are 12 and 13 for 2 months now. At first it was horribly out of control, then we established some simple rules about curfews and chores and such. Well slowly they have broken and disregarded all of the rules and as of yet with no consequences. Dh thinks it isnt his place to punish them and doesnt want them to hate him. Well today I told the 12 y old to pick her laundry up and clean her mess up, she screamed at me and called me a B***H and kicked a hole in the bottom of my bedroom door. I told her I was telling dh when he got home that I had enough. I want this dealt with TONIGHT, how do I convince dh to do something?? To make him see this is not right to allow them to run wild?


Asked by Anonymous at 4:46 PM on Feb. 9, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I would point out that while he is the sibling, in the eyes of the law he is their parental figure, he needs to parent them, not be their buddy. there will be times when he can be the brother but he has to establish the rules and consequences for breaking them otherwise your lives are going to become out of control.

    I know its hard I had a sister that i had to take care of and it is very hard to make them understand. One way is to write up what you expect from them and what they can expect from you and have everyone sign it create it together, list the rules and the punsihments, list what you will provide to them safety, a home, someone to confide in etc. Doing this will make them feel as if they have some control over what is happening in their lives, and also lets them know your listening to their needs and having it in writting makes the rules more real, post it on the fridge where everyone can see it.

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 4:54 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • If you continue to let the kids act like that I can guarantee you it will affect yours and your Husbands relationship. Not to mention it is harming them also, by letting them disrespect who ever they feel like it, letting them grow as "brats".

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:50 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • They're not your kids. They're not even your brother and sister. Stay out of it. Let him deal with them as he see's fit. It shouldn't even be you telling them to pick up their clothes. It's just gonna make them resent you more.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Well to the anon above they are living in dh and MY home. It is not just Dh's home but mine as well. I work full time and pay for their activties, clothes, and cook thier dinner and shuttle them to and from school. I am listed as guardian as well, so why should it not be my business too?

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:01 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I would read:

    raising our children raising ourselves bu naomi aldort.

    Answer by keyaziz at 5:07 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I dont agree with anon 1:58, if you have custody then you have every right to parent these children that is the whole point of awarding custody to you and your husband. Your doing the right thing for these kids and that is a very awesome thing, some people would just ignore the kids and let the state have them at least you are trying to make a difference in their lives.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:12 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • If dh doesn't want to discipline them, he shouldn't have taken on the responsibility of being their guardian. Both of you need to lay down the rules and follow through with consequences if they don't follow them. If not, these children are going to run all over you and run wild. You also need to present a united front or your marriage could suffer greatly. Is dh going to be happy with himself if they end up dropping out of school, doing drugs, getting arrested because he didn't want to discipline them? I would rather have my children safe and mad at me. Anon 4:58 is dead wrong. If you have legal guardianship, you have every right to discipline them. I wouldn't tell them, wait till your dh gets home. That tells them they can misbehave with you and nothing will happen to them until he gets there. I would write out a list of rules and responsibilties and hang it up.

    Answer by Littlebit722 at 7:36 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • You have a long road ahead of you girl. Be strong and be the disciplinarian, someone has to and your husband won't he obvious has guilt or something. They will appreciate you when they are grown. Hang in there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:21 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Either you step in and let them stay with yall and your DH disciplines or you don't. I don't think you can go about this halfway.

    Answer by TXdanielly at 11:47 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Well I can only speak for me but here is what I would do.
    1. As one stated I would make it very clear to husband that if he didn't want to be a guardian of the siblings then he should have never taken them in. They might be teens but they still need guardianship and discipline simple as that, no ands ifs or buts. 2. I would also make it very clear to him they will not disrespect you ever, you have rules therefore they need to follow the rules and show respect. If they can't then disciplining is required. If he disagrees with all above... I would pack my bags stay with a friend, relative, even hotel if I had to and say, well then your on your own until you decide to step up to the plate.

    Answer by TheFriskyKitty at 2:20 AM on Feb. 10, 2009