Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Abuse? my 6 yr old stepson was caught fondling our 2 yr. old.

There was no penetration. He touched my 2yr old's privates and had him do the same. He also told us that he urinated on him at some point in time. I do remember my son's onesie being wet but asssumed his diaper leaked. My stepson doesn't live with us and when he's here they play in our 2yr. olds room (although we won't allow that anymore). They play in the room all the time and we check on them and listen for them and nothing ever seemed this weird, we were clueless.
I feel like a fool and a failure for not protecting my son. I immediately called his grandma (whom he lives with) and had him picked up. I haven't allowed him back over and don't know when I will, it's been almost 3 months. My husband visits him on his own. He's torn but my DH's feelings aren't my first concern right about now. Am I overreacting? Some of the fam. says I am. Some agree with me.


Asked by Anonymous at 6:19 PM on Feb. 9, 2009 in Toddlers (1-2)

This question is closed.
Answers (18)
  • No, you're not overreacting. Your son's well being and protection from any form of sexual abuse is your priorty right now. Even if it was out of curiosity, would you still be willing to put your son in a situation knowing that it might happen again? I wouldn't. A 6yr old, urinating seems like a learned behaviour. The family needs to find out if your stepson is being sexually abused..if not then you know for certain it's was just curiousity and move on from there..but if he was actually being abused, he needs help now before it get worst. Your son is way to precious and innocent to be a introduced to any form of sexual activity at his age. Don't try to please the family if your gut tells you it's not right.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:35 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • That boy definitely is going to need to see a doctor. And, no you're not overreacting. Sounds like they want to sweep it under the rug. Be an advocate for your child and see to it that DH gets the other some help.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:22 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • i dont think its an issue that should be ignored. i think this child needs to go to counseling and get some help. im not trying to jump to any conclusions-but has this child been abused bc thats one of the signs. please dont take it the wrong way-im not trying to offend.

    Answer by SThompson21 at 6:22 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • No you are not over Your child deserves better. Dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Get that kid help its not normal for a 6 year old to do that.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • A certain amount of this behavior is normal. It should not be allowed. Their age difference makes it iffy though. I would have your husband get this kid some help and make sure nothing has happened to him. Why isn't he living with a parent? Children in these situations are much more likely to be abused.

    Answer by kemclaughlin at 6:27 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • No over reacting I don't think. The 6 year old had to have learned that behavior from someone and somewhere. Your husband needs to be more concerned about his son! Get him (6yo) checked out by a doctor and start seeing a therapist. There may be something going on at Grandma's house or somewhere else that you don't know about. Stop the abuse in it's tracks NOW!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:29 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • i think if you ever had it happen then maybe you should answer the question, i myself had caught my oldest son (a few years younger then 10 at the time), pulling down his pants and having my daughter who was really young at that time also, they are only a couple years apart, pulling her pants down also and getting on top of him RIGHT IN THE yard!!

    they took baths at that time and now i know they could of been touching each other and now i had the talk with them telling them that they can get tooken away from us if someone where to see that and call the cops.

    it took alot of reasoning and talking but after that freak out, it never happened again.

    maybe the 6 year old needs to know what would happen to him and tell him its wrong, i mean yes i did freak out but mine were brother and sister, i couldnt seperate them. maybe the 6 year old doesnt know its wrong, i know my kids didnt know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:34 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • This is a hard call. Kids at your stepsons age are discovering themselves sexually. Masterbation is not an unusual thing. Playing doctor isnt unusual. How far did this go? Has it happened before or after this? I completely understand your feelings. Perhaps you need to encourage your husband to seek some counseling for the boy. I am sorry but I dont agree with pushing your husbands feelings aside. Its not fair to him, your son or your stepson. You are asking your husband to make a choice and that is not fair. I can say these things because your the one dealing with it. Sounds like you have a real problem. Its going to take alot for you to decide.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 6:36 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • kids do experiment at this age. There is not much we can do to prevent nature. The peeing bothers me, though. And because your son is so young he is not at the same stage your SS is and he will get confused.

    It needs to be dealt with...absolutely. I would talk to my SS and DH. Have a conversation with both of them WITHOUT humiliating the boy. Maybe if there is abuse, he will feel able to tell you about it if you are nice to him. I don't even think I would bring the 2 year old into it. Just make the convo about him and try to help him. Remember, none of this is his fault. It is either him just experimenting or acting out abuse he has suffered. Be supportive.

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 7:02 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • To answer the living w/ grandma question. When my DH and his X separated my stepson lived with his mom and grandma. His mom got cancer and gave her "mommy rights" to her mom, because she preferred her to raise him but did ask that my DH stay closely involved in his upbringing. Mom passed when he was 3. My DH actually tried having him live with us but it became a big struggle and he decided to let him be where he wanted to be (with grandma) and not take anything more away from him.
    I do know that my husband and his family questioned my stepson thoroughly about anyone doing anything to him. He says "no". My husband has set up counseling services for him and will begin taking him next month. He is a very involved Dad and does all he can. My heart breaks for my DH but I am honestly more concerned about protecting my son.
    I'm also pissed at his grandma who says crap like "oh well, I guess he's jealous"

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

Next question in Toddlers (1-2)
So which is it?

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
what should i expect?