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I work Full-time my husband doesn't. Why would he think he can make the decisions?

Ive been extremely frustrated with my husband. I have worked full- time since weve met. He was in school and was a part- time bartender. He has graduated and thought I guess he could just go get a job with his diploma and didn't realize he needed to start working at it before he graduated. He still bartends Part-time and we are practically living off me. I have 9 yr old from a previous marriage and a 14 mos old that I wish I could spend more time with and be at home with more. He barely looks and keeps using the economy excuse that he can't find anything. I just need him to get something even a McDonalds job would help us right now. We re barely makng it and not to stereotype but the roles are reversed. If this is the case he should help with the house the errands and other things. He tells me he's the man of the house so I should do the "womanly things" He's kidding right? I don't want to be his parent, but it's not right.

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Misfit.Mommy

Asked by Misfit.Mommy at 10:23 PM on Feb. 9, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (9)
  • yeah tell him YOU make the money you make the decisions. if HE wants to get a full time job and make the decisions then you will do the "womanly things"

    my husband and i have an agreement, when im done with school he will quit his job and go back to school and he does all the "womanly things" while i make the money
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 10:27 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I agree, if you are taking over his role, he has to step in and help you in yours because you're only one person...
    TXdanielly

    Answer by TXdanielly at 10:30 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Your husband is in his comfort zone. Everything is being taken care of by you.... he has the best situation going on for him. WOW, your really going to have to be creative in kicking him in the butt and getting him to face the reality of your situation. If he's not willing to be a team player, maybe you should remind him you can definitely take care of yourself without him. Good luck!
    naturescape

    Answer by naturescape at 10:31 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Yup, definately sounds like he could use a refresher on what man of the house means. No matter what the gender though, the one who stays at home should be the one to take care of the house and give the one who works a break. Wow, good luck with this!!!
    bwick18

    Answer by bwick18 at 10:37 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I know.... Your right ,he is comfortable. I told him we can't afford cable today and he needed to cut it. He tells than I should cut things life the food we buy, so basically spend our money of the cheapest crapiest food for our kids. He's clued to TV, so that tells ya what our personal life is like. He was such an ambitious person when i met him. What the heck happened to the guy I married? He doesn't seem to care. Ive gotten so mad as to threaten the D word, but he's says I wont do it and wont care until I bring the papers. What is that about. I love him and don't want a second divorce. I don't know what to do and have no one to talk to about it, but it's like I have 3 sons ones 16 in a 29 yr olds body..
    Misfit.Mommy

    Answer by Misfit.Mommy at 10:37 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • show him the papers :] i HATE when people call my bluff
    aliciatron

    Answer by aliciatron at 10:40 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Get yourself together.... gather up your strength! Do you have kids together? If not... take care of yourself and your sons without the baggage taking advantage of you. Love yourself first....your kids are your priority. If your man isn't willing to step it up and be a man.... showing your son's how a REAL MAN provides for his family and showing by example how to love and respect his wife.... then don't show your kids how a man can disrespect you! I loved a man who I thought loved me.... what my sons were being taught by his behavior was not something I wanted my sons to learn. We left!
    naturescape

    Answer by naturescape at 10:49 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • The way I see it is that your life would be easier without him. He is just another mouth to feed at this point. Tell him to seriously tell you what he has to offer you in your marriage.
    Magpie75

    Answer by Magpie75 at 12:27 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • If this were a boyfriend, it would be easier for me to say this: Add up his part of the bills/food/gas/electricity/phone and if he can't pay up in a certain amount of time, then out the door he can go...but since he's your husband, his problems are certainly your problems. This sounds hard, especially since any move you make is going to teach your kids something, good or bad. I don't have any advice, but I sympathize, and I'll say a prayer for you. BTW, have you talked to his family about him on this matter?
    Ophy

    Answer by Ophy at 1:21 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

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