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I am 36 yr old and have been married 8 years,,,My husband and i are very honest with each other .2 days ago he told me that he likes his friend girl from work more and more and that when he is around her he is really happy .he was crying to me like a baby and said he wishes that he is that happy with me and not her .. she is his age and she is married 2 with 2 kids .. i told him to move out and think about what he wants make a decision but he doesnl't want to leave. He said we should live together and maybe be separatedwhile we live toghether .. what does that mean ? I think he is falling in love with this girl because it is something new and exciting . I am mad and confused .They text message every day and talk alot at work.
What do i do i love him i told him that and we have 2 kids i don;t want to ruin their life. How can i live with somebody who told me he likes some else better but doesn;t wanna divorce .

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Asked by Zana26 at 10:33 PM on Feb. 9, 2009 in Relationships

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Answers (15)
  • move on. If he doesn't love you and only you there is no point in staying. He wants to have his cake and eat it to. You deserve so much better. I wish you all the best!

    Answer by Alexsmom04 at 10:36 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • The answer is simple, but he must be willing to do it. He has to leave this job and leave this woman behind. He cannot have any more contact with her. Tell him you are not willing to live together unless it is as husband and wife. Otherwise, what you will have is him and her having an affair and you being a crutch. Tell him you will settle for nothing less than his utmost commitment and if he can't give it to you, he needs to move out. Then he needs to get his phone number changed. The reason he wants to live together, but be seperated is so that he can have this affair without guilt. He is asking for your permission. DO NOT give it to him. You are worth a whole lot more than he is giving you. Be wise, be brave. Do it girl. Don't look back.

    Answer by pupmom at 10:38 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • If it was me in your shoes...
    I would get to marital counseling. If my husband still continued moving toward this woman, texting her, and all, I would move toward getting separate homes because it is so unhealthy for the kids...

    The fact that he wants to stay with you could mean he wants to stop and do the right thing, or just wants to enjoy being lazy (not getting his own place or letting your in-laws in on it) and have his cake...and eat it too, only he knows... I feel for ya. I hope he wakes up. Have you read The Love Dare or seen the movie Fireproof? I also recommend Family Life's "A Weekend To Remember".

    Answer by TXdanielly at 10:40 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Live together and be separated? It sounds like he just wants an opportunity to get with her while being "separated" but still have you to fall back on. Honestly, I'd tell him there is no in between. Either pick me or her..Do not cheat on me, if you want to be with her, leave me, and when you leave that doesn't mean you can get with her then come crawling back to me if it does not work. He is not falling in love. It's a "lust crush" Something new and exiting and different from the same ole' thing. Being in love is NOT that, sorry.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:42 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I agree that you either tell him to leave his job and make it work with you or either get with her and NO MORE with you..Ever again..Don't let him use you just to get what he wants. My father did the same thing. He fell for a girl at work but didn't sleep with her..She didn't really want him. She wanted him to do her job for her so she pretended to want him..Now he can't stand her. He changed his mind really quick after he seen it for what it really was.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:44 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I would suggest counseling and a trial separation.

    Answer by micrespo at 10:58 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • It sounds to me like he wants to have a better relationship with YOU. The fact that he told you about this and said that he wants that with you says ALOT. He's not cheating on you or trying to hide something from you. He came to you and told you about it and the fact that he was crying shows me he's upset, the fact he told you that he wants to have that with you shows me that he wants to have a relationship with you and loves you and the fact that he even mentioned it shows me that he doesn't want to be unfaithful. If he was just a cheating dog, you wouldn't know about what's going on.

    I would figure out if you want to have a strong and close relationship with him, if you do, figure out how to achieve that.

    I do agree with the posts that he MUST stop texting this girl and talking to her (and get another job). He can't continue to do this and work on the relationship with you.

    Answer by MrsHart6 at 11:37 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Well I can relate. I had the same thing happen to me. This was 2 years into our marriage. He moved out for a week. We ended up working it out. We are still together and are having our first baby in April. Our relationship is better that ever and continues to grow. My husband had an emotional affair. If he would have had a physical affair, we would not still be together. How did we get through it? Do you want to be with him? Do you love him? Kids aside, do you want this relationship? I had to ask myself if it was worth working at. Because he came to me, before the affair became any more serious and talked to me, I knew he was being honest with me. I had to be honest with him and myself. Why was he going outside the relationship? What was lacking? We both agreed to talk about it and did so in a calm civil manner. It was the hardest day of my life. We both discovered there were things lacking in our relationship

    Answer by stephgood1 at 1:34 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • We were both needing something we were not getting. We decided to work on it, together. I asked what he needed from me that I wasn't giving him and told him what I needed from him. We started a journal of sorts where we had conversations that we could just put our feelings into without having to worry about hurting eachothers feelings. I wasn't the person he married and neither was he. It took a long time. Building back trust takes even longer. We got back to basics and we are both happier together and as individuals after the fact. We went to a marriage counselor, but it wasn't until a few years later, and for the first time he admitted to having the emotional affair, before that he would deny that was what it was. That admittance took the fear of a 'relapse' out of me. It is hard, I never thought I would be in that situation, but we both grew from it. Hope this helps.

    Answer by stephgood1 at 1:40 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • He doesn't want to move out because he wants his cake and to eat it too! Don't allow yourself to become a "door mat".Don't allow him to make the rules of how this Relationship is going to go. Think about how it will affect your Children to see their parents living "single" under the same roof. It is very disrespectful to you! Take a stand for yourself! Tell him to "get out". You aren't giving him the right to stick around and hurt you while he makes his decision!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:05 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

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