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How to be a better wife?

My husband has did some things that took a great toll on me and I've developed some icky problems. He really kind of pushed me away and the more he kept doing these things, the worse my attitude has gotten toward him. I wasn't like this before, but he kind of drove me to this point and I do take some of the blame for allowing these things to get to me so bad, but it's hard when someone keeps hurting you. I have a short temper, I can't trust him (He struggles greatly with lying, about anything, really) even stupid things. I'm constantly pondering on the things he has did to me and sometimes, out of nowhere I will just get mad over them and question him. Then he gets mad at me. It's really because of the lying. I keep going back to things that he "possibly" could have lied about and I bring them up over and over to see if he will tell me the truth. I've developed a bit of jealousy too and a problem with feeling insignificant..

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:51 PM on Feb. 9, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Girl, it's nothing to be ashamed of. He made you not be able to trust him. You didn't do it. You simply can't trust him. You need to have a serious chat with him and maybe you both need some counseling. Trust is the basis of a marriage. You lost yours. If he wants it back, he has to earn it by giving you some comforting feelings.

    Answer by pupmom at 10:53 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • am i allowed to suggest counseling? just to get past the pain? these things take time sweetie, im sorry :[

    Answer by aliciatron at 10:54 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • and used by him. I feel that he gives me no respect and he tries harder to hurt me than to try to love me and consider my feelings. Now, It's over little things that I get upset over but it's due to the bigger things he use to do. I am really struggling with feeling like he does not love me. I keep thinking it's just another lie. I think maybe if he tried harder to come together with me and work on this we might get somewhere, but honestly, it's one sided. I will try and he won't. We go against each other instead. but even if he did get better I think I'd still struggle with MY problems..They have grew bigger and bigger over time and now I just really feel consumed by them. Any suggestions?

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:55 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • Question though. Does counseling cost money? If so, It's out of the question. We really can't afford it. He got laid off from his job 2 months ago.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:56 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I'm not sure what your question is here, but let me give you some insight... I have had similar troubles with dh, he is a bit of a compulsive liar, even about tiny things (like what he had for lunch, when he went to bed, etc.) and it of course makes me insecure. I wonder, "Well, what else does he lie about?"... But, the trouble is, it is so deeply ingrained in a personality to do this, that those who do it aren't likely to stop without SERIOUS intervention and effort. It takes a lot of effort on both parts - what I eventually did was sit him down and explain to him that it is FAR better for him to tell the truth, or at least admit it as soon as he can that he has lied about anything, than for me to find out for myself. I told him that if I ever caught him in a lie again, without him 'fessing up first, it would be over. So far, its worked...

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:57 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • some places do sliding scale, it may be VERY cheap for you.. try a chruch counseling, they MIGHT be free

    Answer by aliciatron at 11:01 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I don't know your religious stance, but churches offer counseling for no fee. It sounds like both of you could greatly benefit from some guidance from a person who has been trained to counsel people through these issues. Don't feel like a bad wife---- a bad wife wouldn't be trying to find a way to repair her marriage.

    Answer by heather.huckaby at 11:03 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • I'm all for churches, but I would feel obligated to go to the actual church rather that just counseling alone. Do they offer counseling to non-members?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • My first husband and I were married 21 years. We struggled as a couple for those years: married young, he wanted to protect me from the bad world and I was fighting control. He thought he was showing me love when in actuality he was smothering me and making me want to leave. We separated in the first 5 years of our marriage and divorced after 21 years. I came to feel as if he wanted his life with me in it but not apart of it. I was miserable and only saw the roads that would eventually be my path to ending the marriage. We were divorced for 6 years. In that 6 years, I married again, it lasted 8 months. I was blinded by love and married a narcissistic, self-absorbed man who had been cheating on me the whole time we were together and divorced me to teach me a lesson for speaking my mind about my property and in his mind making him look bad.

    Answer by naturescape at 11:19 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

  • My ex husband...the first one, came to my support and I came to understand the pain he went through at my leaving him. I literally cried continuously, my heart in so much pain, I wanted to explode. I eventually moved away and came back to Arkansas to help my first ex with his place while he is out on the road working. We were an Air Force family and Doug retired before Clinton got out of office. My first ex, Doug and I are getting along great. We have talked about some issues of the past and have been able to honestly forgive each other. We remarried May, 2008. My minister and I have discussed this remarriage and he said this to me: Do not hold the past over each other. I have come to appreciate Doug for his hard work and he for mine. We are finally becoming a team. We are building trust, can finally communicate. We can also say: "I'm Sorry!" Which is something Doug could never say. I am becoming a better wife!

    Answer by naturescape at 11:30 PM on Feb. 9, 2009

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