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My parents got divorced when i was 3yrs old and im closer to my mom BUT........

My parents got divorced when i was 3 yrs old and my mom had full custody of me and one of my older brothers, so my mom to me is like not only my MOTHER BUT MY FATHER also...i have memories of seeing my dad and spending small amount of times with him BUT he was not really, actually at all part of my life....my kid and nieces and nephews didn't know him until they turned 4yrs old.

So i want to know why is it that it never comes out of me to attempt to call him????? My older sister always says smart comments like, i don't want to hear you later on say oh why didn't i call my dad! i say I LOVE MY DAD but it doesn't grow in me to reach out and call him to see how he is......the last time i saw him i reached out and invited him over my house so he can have a good home cooked meal and he rejected my invitation and said oh no thanks honey i already ate and on top of that he offended me, by saying i gained weight....like seriously???...it hurt so bad, and i held my hurt and tears until i got home....

and don't get me wrong, i want to have a routine where i call him every week at least once a week. When i hear his voice on the phone and he tells me he loves me i cry........i love my dad but
sometimes i forget hes there....... :*(

Answer Question
 
CINDYELLA88

Asked by CINDYELLA88 at 11:08 PM on Oct. 17, 2012 in Relationships

Level 6 (134 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • That happens. I met my dad when I was 18 and he died when I was 25. I talked to him maybe four times, honestly if you really want to keep in contact you will but if something happens you wll beat yourself up over not making the calls because I did and still kind of do, even though he was a pos!
    Mrs_Harsh

    Answer by Mrs_Harsh at 11:12 PM on Oct. 17, 2012

  • I have cried alone sometimes thinking about if he passed and i never said or did what i wanted with him....



    .thanks so much!
    CINDYELLA88

    Comment by CINDYELLA88 (original poster) at 11:15 PM on Oct. 17, 2012

  • Thats tough i was very close to my father but my mother im not close with by any means. Infact my daughters 8th birthday was last friday and she never called to say happy birthday or even showed up saturday for the party. I was crushed. You know what though...you have your whole life to live and even if you have to write it all down on a letter and send it in the mail just to get it off your chest and let him know then do it. It works atleast to lift the weight. Tell him how you feel and what you wish for in a relationship with him. Be honest and up front. If he doesnt make a move after that then just know that the ball was placed in his court and you told him. Hopefully that will relieve some of the anguish you have. I did it with my mother. Its hard but it gets better.
    NotUrKidsBestie

    Answer by NotUrKidsBestie at 11:23 PM on Oct. 17, 2012

  • He is who he is and you will never change him. I would tell him how you feel and see what dad will say. I do not know what your weight had to do with him coming over your house but I feel hurt for you. I am thinking that whatever is on your dad's mind he will say. I think he is missing out on a lot of important things in your life, you should not feel any guilt shame on him. My sister and I were 1 and 2 years old. I do know how you feel. What I can tell you is my dad lost his wife in June due to cancer. My dad knows who we are now and it is a different for my sister and I. My sister now is doing everything for him and my dad calls me every other day. Like I said WE WILL never change them, we can only move forward and learn from this. I hope this helps you. Hugs and love.....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 PM on Oct. 17, 2012

  • Wow that did help number 3.....its true i cant change him but i guess i can try and be the bigger person and be a part of his life even though he wont be of mine....but i still love him.....thank you guys! you all brought my spirits upp
    CINDYELLA88

    Comment by CINDYELLA88 (original poster) at 12:08 AM on Oct. 18, 2012

  • Yes I agree with you, you love them in a different way, very hard to explain. In my case everything would be her family and her things she wanted my dad to do. All her grandchildren are grown up and my sister and I still have little ones. It is very different walking in to my dad's home with her not being there. This is so different now it is almost like this is how it should have been all along. I am adjusting to this new DAD and it is very hard for my sister and I. Sometimes I just do not know how to feel, I keep thinking back to how it used to be. It is what I told you, we can not look back but only forward. I keep telling myself this. I think as you get older you think much more different than you did when you were younger (in my case).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:22 AM on Oct. 18, 2012

  • My dad passed away when I was 7, so I miss having him there for me to call. My suggestion is to set up a weekly call - like you call him every Monday night, or every Sunday night. You probably will never feel about him the way you feel about your mom, and that's okay. Just don't lose that contact. I am sorry he hurt your feelings, hopefully he just wasn't thinking about what he said - men do that!
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 6:54 AM on Oct. 18, 2012

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