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Do you think things will change?

I have a 17 yr. old daughter she and I have been getting along great her dad and I have been divorced 12 yrs. now. S0 she was almost 6 when this happened we have 50/50 with her but she is always with me we have developed this relationship kind of like friends, she tells me everything I tell her everything (I did remarry) anyway I'll ask her if she has plans to go out if not I'll go out or we just stay home and hang out. My dh is always working or fishing or hunting so I don't see much of him.
I guess what I am trying to say....Do you think I am too much of a friend to my dd or am I ok. She don't see much of her dad cause I kind of ruined it for her I guess I intysed her too much of a more layed back kind of life where her dad is very strict.
Should I push her more to go see her dad bc I didn't in the past... I feel guilty :(

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:00 AM on Feb. 10, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (10)
  • I see nothing wrong with the close relationship you have with your daughter. As long as your the parent nothing is wrong is also being a friend.  Your daughter should visit her dad


     

    mommiedear

    Answer by mommiedear at 12:07 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • As long as you remain the parent and don't encourage or support any bad behavior, there is nothing wrong with being so close. As long as you two are so close, why not ask her how she feels about seeing her dad? Tell her you feel like you didn't encourage her to have a relationship with him, but if she wants to, its ok. Maybe she has different reasons for not wanting to see him. But you won't know unless you ask. Good luck!
    chillemi78

    Answer by chillemi78 at 1:35 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I am not a fan of being friends with younger teenagers as part of our job is to prepare them and help them grow not be their girl friends, they have enough of those. But since your daughter is 17 I myself will lean more towards working on girlfriend and friendship along with motherhood with my daughter so we can have a good relationship once she turns 18 and preparing to fly from the nest. So really I think 17 is a good age to start leaning back, rather than watching, might as well grow a friendship :)
    TheFriskyKitty

    Answer by TheFriskyKitty at 2:11 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • tionship
    baby993

    Answer by baby993 at 2:14 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • i lost my message to you but most likely you are a good mom
    baby993

    Answer by baby993 at 2:18 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • You're not the only one going thru this. I have a daughter too and I am seeing other ppl after me and her dad split. I would encourage you to make an agreemant with her father like to have her every other weekend. good luck! =)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:14 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I would definitely encourage her to see her dad more often. If you feel you have influenced her decision to not see her dad in the past, tell her you were wrong and she should be the one to decide what relationship she will have with him. You don't want to be the one blamed for her not having that relationship when she is older.

    I don't see anything wrong with her staying home with you when she has no plans. But I would not try to be one of her bff's by going out with her just because no one else will or can. Friendship and trust is very important between mother and daughter, but you have to be the parent 1st. She needs to learn to be an independent responsible adult also.

    BayouGirlnOK

    Answer by BayouGirlnOK at 7:02 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • P.S. You should not be telling her everything in your life. She doesn't need to know everything; this will make her feel responsible for your problems. That puts a lot on the shoulders of a child.
    BayouGirlnOK

    Answer by BayouGirlnOK at 7:05 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Yes its a fine line, let her tell you everything but don't give advice unless asked for. And confide in a friend certain things. Gotta draw that line a little bit. I love talking with my 18 yr old and we laugh a lot about everything but when she asks me personal Questions like when did you have sex? thats too personal for now. JMO
    pepperannrocks

    Answer by pepperannrocks at 9:38 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • She's 17 i would say its her choice at this point whether or not to see her dad - I would leave it open and up to her. Personally i never had luck with being a friend and being a parent. Its not that you cant get along with your kids and like each other I just found with my own kids that they had enough friends but only had one mom. As long as your relationship with your daughter is one of respect and you are still in the authority position then you probably havent crossed that line. If you're partying with her (which a lot of parents do) or allowing her to do things that are inappropriate for her age then you have crossed the line. even 17 year olds need adults to guide them.
    WinnieM

    Answer by WinnieM at 3:13 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

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