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Should I leave my husband?

My hubby and I have been married for 5 years...together for about 9 total. We have had a fairly great marriage aside from things here and there. One issue has been porno. Over the years he has been caught with it. I am alittle overweight and insecure and this is one issue that has really got to me. To me, it's being unfaithful..maybe not physically but mentally. A year ago he changed, started really working on his relationship with God. He told me that he was sorry for everything and he promised not to do it anymore. We just had our 2nd child one month ago. I was cleaning this morning and found a magazine...porno. I am so upset I can't even think right now. My first instinct is to take the kids and leave him. After all, I did say next time I found it I would leave. My 2nd thought is contact a marriage counselor and work this out before giving up. Since we have two kids. What do you think I should do??

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Feb. 10, 2009 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • My husband has no interest in porn and I know that I would feel just like you do if he did. I don't think leaving him over this issue is the right thing to do. I think that I would ask him to get help from a pastor or counselor to whom he can be accountable to. He has to be willing. Everyones relationship is different and if you are a wife that will absolutely not tolerate it, then stick to your guns, if you think you can, then fine. I feel its destructive to a marriage regardless of what faith you are and your post is proof that this is true. I feel for you very much. Hope it works out for you!
    momofsaee

    Answer by momofsaee at 1:34 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • personally, I think its a little too much to leave him over porn. no offense, im not saying that to be mean. Every american husband looks at porn, it's not because of the wife, I think it's just because theyre all sick pigs lol. but try getting some videos, and watching it together, maybe it would be better that way. And tell him thats the only time he can watch it, is with you. good luck.
    Jessica1991

    Answer by Jessica1991 at 9:30 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Well first of all I am not really into my husband looking at porn either however if that is something he did I would try my hardest to work it out & get him to realize why I don't like it & so forth. I don't think I could just up and walk out b/c he was looking at it. I mean if you lov ehim & you want to be with him then you should try with everything you have to do it. How do you know that magazine wasn't an old one? Have you talked to him about it? Have you asked him what the deal was & why he started looking at it again? You can never give up if you want it to work. You have to keep trying. Maybe yall should watch the movie fireproof together. It is great & maybe he will understand where you are coming from. Good luck but don't give up just b/c he is looking at it. Keep trying & go to counseling or to a preacher and talk about it together.
    momwifelove

    Answer by momwifelove at 9:32 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Its better them looking at porn then getting it from some where else .
    katherine4

    Answer by katherine4 at 9:33 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Lets get something straight...I am so sick of hearing this..
    every American Husband DOES NOT look at porn..My fiance thinks those people in porn are just plain trash...
    anyway...I think counceling would be a start..You do not like it, you feel it is being unfaithful and those are your feelings and they should be validated. I would try talking to someone before I left the marriage...good luck..
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 9:33 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Porno is very healthy to look at. Most men do it since they are visual creatures and that turns them on. In fact a man who doesnt look is actually someone to worry about not the one who does. Its part of our human sexuality.You should read a book on it and see what I mean. I would never leave my husband for looking at porn. It sounds more like you have a problem with your own self image because you are overweight and are using that as a reason why he shouldnt look at porn. You need to work on you because even if you leave him, that isnt going to change how you see yourself. See what Im saying? Maybe you can go to counseling together.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:35 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • also not trying to be mean. but to leave a husband due to porn. has he ever cheated on you with another women? has he beaten you? abused you in anyway? hurts your kids? if he dosent then why ruin a marriage just for a movie that is fake and for entetament reasons only. does he ask you to do what they do? maybe he just likes watching. i would rather have him watching a movie then someone at work. i understand you said it hurts you and dh should take that into consideration but its a guy thing. can you watch it with him?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Untrue above me...to worry if a man does not watch it..
    What about having respect no only for the woman you love, but for women in general.
    Porn is gross...so I would guess that all you ladies on here that approve of it wouldn't mind if one of your children became some trashy porn star...
    Poster: you follow what your heart is saying about porn and your husband...and what you feel about it.
    Dannee

    Answer by Dannee at 9:40 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • IMO....I think your over reacting to the porno. Unless it is kiddy porn. These women are on the screen or on paper. He can not tough them or have sex with them. It's the same as watching porn movies. IMO.  Unless this porno thing is putting you in debt or affecting your sex life. I do not think it should be a big issue.IMO

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 9:46 AM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Look at it this way if he is a good man (father, husband and lover) don't leave him.


    Remember someone else will find him and get him, make sure you think this through don't be so quick to throw in the towel, if you care about your appearance do something about it.


    Reasons for leaving a husband, Cheating, no more love for him and death. if none apply I would suggest go to a marriage councelor and make it work out for you and him not the kids. (sometimes for the kids but this is between you and him) GLin love

    Butterfly1108

    Answer by Butterfly1108 at 9:58 AM on Feb. 10, 2009