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3 Bumps

He sleeps clinging to the edge of the bed

My DH and I sleep in a king size bed - yet he clings to the edge sometimes bumping his head on the night stand. (We've been married for 3 years, together 6. He had been in a 25 year marriage before his ex wife left him for another man.) Last night I jokingly asked him if he's always slept like that. And he just said "no." I just looked at him and said "Is it me? Am I unpleasant to sleep with?" Then he got irritated that I took it negatively and didn't want to talk about it!

I feel like I sleep alone every night because we do not touch at all during sleep. If I reach over and put an arm around him in the night, he's still as a stone so I turn back over. I often feel lonely when we sleep but I've tried to get used to it. So it hurt my feelings that he said he hasn't always been this way (must have been cuddly with his ex wife) but gets mad that I suggest it has to do with ME. What am I to think?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Oct. 24, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • Dunno what to tell you dh and I both sleep on the edge of the beds. I hate being touched when I sleep, doesn't mean I like him any less
    Mrs_Harsh

    Answer by Mrs_Harsh at 10:32 AM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • not sure but for him to get defensive, there must be a reason. Maybe you should try to cuddle with him when you both get into bed and see if he can sleep like that or atleast closer.
    lsa0919

    Answer by lsa0919 at 10:34 AM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • I like my space when I sleep and would go to the edge to get that if I shared a bed with someone
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 10:38 AM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • The thing that bothered me is that he said he hasn't always done this which implies he slept close to his ex wife. Instead of reassuring me that it's just a weird thing he's always done, he just shuts down and doesn't want to talk about it. He just said he can't help what he does while he is sleeping. So I take that as a sign he doesn't feel as loving towards me as he did with his ex wife. And even suggesting that makes him irritated.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:41 AM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • It's not the sleeping on the edge that I'm bothered by as much as he began doing this when he started sleeping with me. Why would he do that?
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:43 AM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • Are you the same wife who has a husband who wants to vacation where he did with the ex? And the one who has the old pictures and movies? I think you bring up the ex-wife too much,, I don't even stay in bed with my husband all night, I am a light sleeper and he is a bed hog, so usually we go to be together, but I end up in the guest room, I think you need to get over the ex-wife and perhaps seek some counseling.
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:53 AM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • LOL! We've been married 20 years & I don't like being touched or breathed on when I sleep. But my DH encroaches on my side every night, breathes & farts in my face. I still love him to pieces but I wish he'd sleep clinging to the edge! I think I need my own room! LOL!

    ILovemyPaulie

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 11:01 AM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • People change. Their habits change. Their likes and dislikes change. I've changed. You've changed. Everybody's changed. So, this doesn't have to be about you. Perhaps your making it about you is why your husband got defensive. See, if you make it about you, you imply it's about him. And that's exactly the way he took it. If you're always looking for stuff to be about you, then that's exactly what you are going to find. If that's the only problem you have in your marriage, for goodness sake, let it go. Hug him and kiss him before you go to bed, and let him sleep wherever he chooses to sleep. He probably needs the rest!!
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 11:13 AM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • You've made quite a leap from "he didn't cling to the edge of the bed with her" to "he was an octopus all over her every night." He said he didn't always sleep clinging to the edge of the bed. That doesn't' mean he cuddled with her. He might have simply slept on his back a few inches from the edge. Or on his stomach.

    Plenty of people don't like to be touched while they're sleeping. I think thinking it's about you is a huge mistake. It's sleep. You're unconscious for several hours. It's not like he doesn't want to sit at the table with you for dinner, or refuses to talk to you. Those would be issues. You're upset because he's unconscious without touching you while you're unconscious. Doesn't that sound a bit silly when you look at it like that? :)
    wendythewriter

    Answer by wendythewriter at 11:59 AM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • To say he hasn't always done it doesn't imply he slept close to his wife, it just means he wasn't on the edge like he is now. For pete's sake, I used to sleep on my stomach. Since having my son, I now find it uncomfortable. Am I supposed to blame my son for that? It sounds like this is more a case of raging insecurity on your part rather than anything he might be doing. If you are constantly asking him if this, that or the other is because of you, then yeah, I can see where he would shut down instead of talking about it. You can only reassure someone so much before you just get tired of the neediness.
    hootie826

    Answer by hootie826 at 2:22 PM on Oct. 24, 2012

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