Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

4 Bumps

My son found his way home....

The ongoing saga continues- I was supposed to pick up my 21 y/o son on Sat. But things unraveled quickly & he was able to find someone to make the trip to go get him last night. He's at a friend's house at the moment, but will be living here for a while til he gets back on his feet. The now ex fiance stole $200 from him & he wasn't able to find his house keys when he left. She doesn't drive, and lives 2 hrs away, but it still makes me nervous that she could have keys to my house. So for now I'm getting him a set made, but thinking maybe he should pay for the locks to be changed! Trying to be glad he's back home, but dread the drama- KWIM? Does that sound bad? I love him I really do, & I know he needs us right now. I want to be supportive, but at the same time I don't want him to think it's a free ride all over again. How do you deal w/ it when the birdie comes back to the nest? Time limits? lol :p

 
mrsmom110

Asked by mrsmom110 at 1:07 PM on Oct. 24, 2012 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 47 (250,302 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • For my own safety I'd change the locks; I wouldn't take the risk of not doing so. In the end the cost isn't the most important thing.

    I'd let him settle in for a few days. BUT - then we would have a serious conversation. #1 would be the girl is not allowed in or near your house, he will have to agree to that.
    I agree with kimi...I would do everything I could to help him get to the next level of maturity and adulthood.
    GOOD LUCK TO BOTH OF YOU (I'm glad hes' back home)
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 1:57 PM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • Once he's settled back at home - 3-4 days, I would sit down with him and ask him what his plans are, write down his goals, then make a plan together on how he's going to accomplish that. That will give both of you a time line on when he might be able to get his own place, then you can tell him if X is his target date to get out then at X plus 1 month, he will have to start paying rent.
    I would also make some ground rules. Not a curfew so much, but be respectful about letting me know when you plan on coming/going. If you mess it up, clean it up. That kind of thing.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 1:24 PM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • My dad is a softee and always lets his girls come home if they need to, but if you do live in his house you better be working or going to school. He does not want us freeloading without making our way somehow.
    AngZacc

    Answer by AngZacc at 1:41 PM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • Congratulations!?
    I don't know what to say given his story, but good luck mrsmom110!
    adnilm

    Answer by adnilm at 1:16 PM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • Okay call me a sucker, but I would offer to help him go to school etc, with the deal being he is never to do this again,, I think if he has no money, get the locks changed anyway today. I remember what it is like to be young, and dumb, and head over heels with someone who may not have been the best choice. I would have him evaluated for something he would like to do for a career. I think you are a good mom, and hopefully he was careful and you won't get the phone call next month you are going to be a grandma, (although from the sounds of it, I wouldn't put her past it , to make it up).
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:40 PM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • You make it perfectly clear this is a temperary living arangement.
    1. Get a job.
    2. save your money.
    3. Move out of my house.
    Make a time table for him to get a job and move out.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 2:10 PM on Oct. 24, 2012

  • good luck with everything!
    LostSoul88

    Answer by LostSoul88 at 11:46 PM on Oct. 26, 2012

  • What louise said.
    Sarah961

    Answer by Sarah961 at 12:22 AM on Oct. 26, 2012