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Mother...Daughter Relationship

Idk if she will ever come around to it. My mother and I haven't spoken since August. All because I wouldn't walk another 20 block s( 10 down to her and 10 back home) to meet her after I had just walked 10 blocks home from getting off of work. And have since decided that I don't want my Son to go over there because she smokes pot amongst some other illegal things. I chose to give it up and be a better role model for my Son, a better wife for my husband and now I am expecting another. She thinks there is nothing wrong with it and disowns me because I won't let my Son go over there. I have asked her repeatedly to not do things when my Son is around and it may last for a little while but then she goes right back to it. My question is how do you make someone understand that this is not ok? That she is disowning me for all the wrong reasons? That she is the one keeping her one and only grandchild for the moment?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:41 PM on Feb. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • some people just dont get it. you are right in not allowing your son to be around things like that. maybe one day she will come to her senses..
    SThompson21

    Answer by SThompson21 at 2:51 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I guess all I can do is hope then....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:08 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I hae a mom like that it is always about her , it always has been and always will be
    let her go for your own sanity
    gitanomadre

    Answer by gitanomadre at 3:25 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Idk I guess its kind of hard for me to let her go. I was raised by my grandparents til I was about 9 years old. Then discovered who my real mother was. I didnt live with her til I was like 15. I can't blame my grandparents for what they did. I am glad they did raise me. How do you let go of someone? It's not like a bad relationship with a man or best friend.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:37 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I am in the same boat with my MIL. My MIL is an alcoholic and immediately attempts to yank my son's carrier out of my hands when I walk through the door into her house, stumbling all the way because she's intoxicated. She wants to hold him while drunk and forgets that we've asked her not to smoke around him and lights up anyway. Once she's drunk, there's no reasoning with her. She refuses to admit she's had too much and wants to hold our infant and carry him around. There's no way to avoid the confrontation except to not go over her house anymore. We've written her a letter telling her we love her, all of the good things about her that we miss, the problems we see and what we're afraid of and then an ultimatum. If she can't respect that we want to keep our son safe and abstain from drinking and smoking around him, then she doesn't get to see him. Period. Expect a lot of drama if you do this but your son comes first.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:39 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • (cont.) the reason we wrote the letter is because when we talk to her, she claims not to remember or that the conversation never happened. She also twists our words and refuses to accept the actual meaning of what we're trying to say. With a letter, it is in black and white. She can't claim we told her something else or refuse to admit that the dialogue took place. If she claims to have lost the letter, I'll print her another one. There is no bargaining here. I had alcoholic grandparents myself that would decide from time to time to be mad at my dad for no reason. It made me feel like they didn't love me or that I did something wrong. It make me feel like I wasn't as special to them as their other grandkids. I don't EVER want my children's grandparents to make them feel that way. If they can't provide a healthy environment for my son where he's safe and knows he's loved, they don't get to see him. Period.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:42 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Well like I said I have been disowned. The last time I kept my Son from her it was because of a very jealouse and controlling boyfriend ( my sons father). So it was kind of out of my control in a way. I am trying to point things out to her. But all she says in her emails is haven't you looked in the mirror. I admit I have done some things I shouldn't have. But I have quit and am trying to be better for my own little fmaily. I have told her this as well. I don't deny it. But that she should change for her grandson. Or atleast not do it when he is there and spend some time with him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:45 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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