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I am married to a man that I have loved for 15 years, married 7. We have children. He has had a phsical affair 5 years ago and now involved in a 6 month emotional affair. We have decided to seek counseling but he has not stopped communicating with the other woman. What should I do?

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Feb. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Tell him that if he wants to save your marriage then he needs to cut all ties. There is no point in getting counseling and such if he is still involved in the affair. There is no way to move forward.

    Answer by kboney29 at 3:14 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • You know what you need to do. You need to deside, to either put up with this cheeter DH for another 15 years. Or get rid of him.

    Answer by louise2 at 3:17 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • seek counseling and bring it up with the therapist. I'm sure that is the first thing he or she will tell him to do .

    Answer by Lizard1970 at 3:20 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I agree you know what you want to do. It's going to be hard either way you do it.

    Answer by WifeyorMom at 3:22 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I agree with both of the ladies posts above! This is a hard decision, but one that has to be made. I am leaving my DH because he lies about money all the time. We have been married for 8 years and it has been 8 years of putting my kids and I further in a hole. I say if he wants to cheat let him and he knows where the door is...he can walk or stop FOR GOOD! I would have to say if this happens again I would definiately end it. 3 strikes your out!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • What is worth more, your happiness or his? Don't put up with his cheating's not fair to you being unhappy while he shamelessly convorts with the other woman. It's obvious he doesn't care about your feelings..Stop the counseling and tell you him you don't want anthing more to do with him. Are you scared of being single? If you decide to divorce, take him for all he's worth. Husbands continue to cheat when they think the wife is not strong enough to put up a fight or that you will never leavethe marriage. Kick him out of the house and tell hime to live with the woman..sometimes the grass is not always greener on the other side. I wish you the best of luck, be strong.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:31 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I don't understand why he is agreeing to go to counseling when he doesn't want to work on the problem that you're going to counseling for. Does he think that by going to counseling you'll be happy and stay with him while he still sees this other woman? He can't have his cake and eat it too. He needs to make a decision. Quite honestly, I would show him the door. I would be in so much emotional and physical pain if my husband decided he had feelings for another woman. Anyone who knows how much pain that causes to their spouse and continues to do it anyway....there aren't words to describe angry that makes me. If you stay married, which is your choice and is nice if you can, could you honestly live the rest of your life with him being able to trust him or could it be heart wrenching anxiety every time he comes home late or gets a call from a number you don't recognize? Do you want to do that for the rest of your life?


    Answer by NovemberLove at 3:33 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I say GTFO...That's just me. I've been used, abused and otherwise before my current relationship, and I won't tolerate it. My fiance and I respect ourselves and our relationship. Once that's been violated, we both know that our relationship is OVER. I don't think he's holding up his end of the bargain, and you're selling yourself short. Good luck. I hope you make a choice that's right for you and your children.

    Answer by ThaMCE at 3:48 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Talking to someone isn't cheating. What is an emotional affair? Aren't you having one with your female friends when you tell them all this? It's the same thing. Someone to talk to that will listen and not judge. So go to counseling. But make sure it's a man. He will tell you, if your husband has to give up his friend then so should you.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:24 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

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