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3 Bumps

When I was 16, I had a baby with a high school fling.

I stepped up, got my GED, and became a Daycare Provider. My daughter was born in 2009, and her father has seen her maybe a hand full of times, has payed child support once, and has bought her one birthday present out of three. When my daughter was just over a year old, I met my finace. She instantly took to his side, and still is to this day. My daughters biological father, is in&out. He will see her for a month, dissapear for 3 months, then come running back, saying his daughter deserves to know him. For about the last year, when he asks to see her I have been saying no. Only because I know he wont be here for long. My fiance really wants to adopt my dauhter, but her biological father WILL NOT give up his rights! Does anyone know how we could go about him adopting her? We live in NY.
Her biological father also has a history of violence, a juvinile record, in and out of boys homes, and a police record.

Answer Question

Asked by Brittany21631 at 2:07 PM on Oct. 25, 2012 in Parenting Debate

Level 2 (5 Credits)
Answers (20)
  • Its just that with the economy the way it is, we dont have alot of play money..

    Comment by Brittany21631 (original poster) at 3:17 PM on Oct. 25, 2012

  • You don't need money to start documenting. You need dates, time, actions, etc. If he buys something or if he promises something and doesn't follow thru. This will all take time to start gathering. If you're talking about terminating someone's rights then you have to have a lot of amunition to do it and this will take a year or two at the least. If he's in jail for something you need to put it down.

    Answer by baconbits at 3:54 PM on Oct. 25, 2012

  • I wouldn't. Chances are, you won't be with your new dude for long.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:46 PM on Oct. 25, 2012

  • I agree with baconbits. Also, please go after him for CS. If he has to pay he might be more inclined to give up his rights ...

    Answer by winterglow at 4:10 AM on Oct. 26, 2012

  • Just out of idle curiosity, is his name on the birth certificate?


    Answer by winterglow at 4:13 AM on Oct. 26, 2012

  • Document everything, get a lawyer, get child protective services involved, they will help you and be on yor side, and take him to court and tell them you want supervised visitations in a visitation facility. he will either comply, or forgo it. I was in this same situation, I got married at 16 and had two children by the age of 21. At 21 years old I had been in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship, where my ex was physically hurting me in front of my children. The last time he choked me my son was 11 months old in my arms. I called the police and I filed for divorce. I met someone new, and he was wonderful to my children. He wanted to adopt them. I looked into all of this. My ex had dropped out of my kids lives for a year and a half. I had child protective services involved, I didn't have money for a lawyer, but I had proof that I was a stable parent, and he was not good for my kids.

    Answer by MamaScho88 at 10:26 AM on Nov. 6, 2012

  • One day out of the blue he decided to come back into their lives, I fought it, and fought it, until I just didn't have the fight in me anymore, I was 8 months pregnant with my youngest child and I gave in. I requested to the court that he only see them on supervised visitations in a strict facility. He did that once a week for 6 months and then asked the court to see them on a regular basis, every other weekend. We discussed it in a mediators office and as terrified as I was I decided to let him. I gave him a chance. He didn't deserve it. My kids had another man taking care of them and were calling someone else daddy for 2 years. They didn't know him. But I decided maybe he grew up and stopped his selfishness. It's been a year since then and he has proven himself. That was my story, maybe it won't turn out the same for you, but maybe it will. I wish you luck, it's a very hard road you are facing ahead of you.

    Answer by MamaScho88 at 10:30 AM on Nov. 6, 2012

  • He has to have abandoned the child for atleast a year I believe, and you can file adoption papers with the court, but he will have to sign them. He will be given a certain amount of time to do it, and if he fights it, good luck. If he doesn't then after a certain amount of time your fiance would be able to adopt them. But he can't adopt them until you are married.

    Answer by MamaScho88 at 10:32 AM on Nov. 6, 2012

  • This may not be a popular response. You should have hired an attorney on the day your child was born and filed with the state for Child Support Enforcement and drawn up a Parenting Plan. That is what you should do now if you have not done so already. You are the adult as is your child's father. Your child will benefit most from having two loving biological parents.

    Answer by booklover545 at 11:46 AM on Nov. 6, 2012

  • Paper trail is the very first step. Document every single phone call missed birthdy missed visit unexpected request to visit argument fight etc. every single thing to point to his being an unfit father.

    Answer by sahmamax2 at 11:57 AM on Nov. 24, 2012

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