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How do I fix discipline problems when my daughter comes home from her father?

My daughter spends every other weekend with her father and his fiance. When she comes home though, she's a terror! She talks back, throws fits, gets physically rough... And it's not just at home but at daycare as well! She came home Sunday (2/8) and got two discipline papers Monday (2/9) for throwing her shoes and hitting another child. What can I do if my ex-husband refuses to cooperate when I try to talk to him about it? I've been tactful, asking if they play rough at his house, which he denies. He says she's nothing but perfect there. She comes home, if I don't give her what she's asking for, I hear "Why won't you give me what I want?!" What can I do?

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Asked by meghanlomaniac at 3:27 PM on Feb. 10, 2009 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

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Answers (4)
  • I have the same problem with my step kids when they come back from their mothers. The boys are 10 and 11 so we were able to sit them down and tell them we would not tolerate their behavior and their will be consequences if it continues. That has helped with their fighting but not with their attitudes.

    Answer by WifeyorMom at 3:31 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • My son doesn't see his dad as often b/c they live a couple hours away, but I deal with the same thing. His dad and grandma let him get away with murder when he is there, and I always have to "reprogram" him when he gets home. It sounds to me in your situation I would ask your doc about it, since she sees her dad so often, she could be having behavioral issues because of the arrangement.

    Answer by mikeyjavimami21 at 4:31 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • put your foot down. a simple i'm not your father, and his rules don't apply here should work. if not, start revoking privilages. sorry you are having to deal with this. but she has to learn that different rules apply for your different homes.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 6:08 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I went through a lot of de-programming when my kids came back from visitation. I talked to my attorney and the court ordered certain limitations on their visits with dad. There was neglect issues and discipline issues in the other household. I also asked about their visits...what was the best thing you did this weekend? What was the worst thing that happened? They were able to express themselves and talk about their feelings and what was nice and what upset them. sometimes there were feelings that came out that they had a hard time expressing and it came out in aggressive ways at school. This is something that you need to nurture with the kids. Do not be judgmental or bad-talk dad or other household to the kids. Talk to your attorney or if you have a working relationship with the dad, explain the issues and work out an amicable solution. If there is no bed time and it's affecting them at school, talk about it.

    Answer by snaprcat1 at 3:42 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

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