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3 Bumps

Should I or should I not?

My ex has not really been a Daddy to my DS5(almost 6). He uses the Army as an excuse as to why he doesn't have a relationship with him. To me, he is just a sperm donor. My DH has been in his life and taken care of him since my DS was 9 months old. Before we even got married, he helped me. He would buy him things, help me with a bath or diaper change, etc etc. The things a REAL Daddy does. He doesn't have rights; he never legitimated him. After speaking with an attorney, she highly doubts a judge around here would give him any now anyways since he waited 6 years to do it. He has not called, emailed, or texted about my DS in 90 days now. Before that it was, 26 days before a text. He doesn't call, just texts. He is busy with his GF, although he married someone in the Army just to get money. She is a lesbian and they wanted to get that BAH or BHA whatever. I don't know what I should do. My DS sees my DH as his Daddy. I even ask him if he wants to call or see "sperm donor"( I say Daddy his name)....and he says no. He told me that my DH is his #1 Daddy. My attorney thinks I should file to allow my DH adopt him.


Asked by ANR1390 at 9:01 AM on Oct. 26, 2012 in Parenting Debate

Level 4 (30 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Here in KY, if the mother is under 18 then it doesn't matter if anyone signed the birth cerficate or not, a DNA test has to be done. Not sure if all states are the same, probably not. Since he has had some contract with your child and with you, even though very little, I think you should just ask him what he thinks about letting your dh adopt him. Since he doesn't see him anyway, this would get him out of paying child support.

    Answer by robyann at 9:23 PM on Nov. 5, 2012

  • You say that the biodad has no parental rights (so you weren't married at the time and his name isn't on the birth certificate,right?). Well, the only way he would acquire any parental rights would be by insisting on DNA testing. It doesn't sound like he'd be motivated to do that.

    Personally, if your husband wants to adopt your son I would go for it! Why wouldn't you do it?

    Answer by winterglow at 9:23 AM on Oct. 26, 2012

  • I don't know the USA laws so I don't know what can be done or how but if your husband wants to adopt your son I would go for it and see what can be done about him having at least some rights over your son.

    Answer by ajc03 at 9:53 AM on Oct. 26, 2012

  • I know he has not abandoned my son within the laws limits, but doesn't change the fact that he does not have a relationship with him. And I am not going to use the marriage thing, I was just saying it here. He told the woman that told me that is why he did it. Then he ripped her son off (thousands of $$) so she is trying to file a motion for him to pay it back. And I will probably try and see what I can do as soon as I get a job so I can pay for the lawyer fees. DH is the only one working right now. And "sperm donor" is on the BC, only because I was 16 and didn't know any better. I should have done some research, but he broke up with me 2 days before he was born and it was right after Christmas so really didn't have much time.

    Comment by ANR1390 (original poster) at 1:05 PM on Oct. 26, 2012

  • OK, so he does have rights after all. What I was thinking was that if you went after him for child support and he saw that this was going to cost him money he might just be a bit more open to giving up his parental rights ... I don't think you need a lawyer to file for CS ... and that would at least get the ball rolling.

    Answer by winterglow at 3:50 AM on Oct. 27, 2012

  • No he does not have rights. being on the BC does not give him rights. I have already asked my attorney this. He does pay CS just not through the legal system. His Army officer found out he was not paying so he jumped his butt and took it out of his checks automatically. I am scared that if I take him for legal CS that will make him want visitation.

    Comment by ANR1390 (original poster) at 9:47 AM on Oct. 27, 2012

  • Being on the BC makes him officially the father ... and if he weren't the father, why would he pay CS? I would tread carefully. What kind of rights do you mean when you say he has none?

    Answer by winterglow at 1:50 PM on Oct. 28, 2012

  • He is not the legal father, he cannot get visitation, or my son cannot inheriate from him because my son is NOT legitimated. He has never done a DNA test although he is the father. He is too self-involved and wrapped around his gf to seem to care about my son.

    Comment by ANR1390 (original poster) at 3:55 PM on Oct. 28, 2012

  • If his name is on the birth certificate he does not need to do a DNA test ...

    Answer by winterglow at 4:01 AM on Oct. 29, 2012

  • Yes here they do. For CS or legitimation, DNA has to be done.

    Comment by ANR1390 (original poster) at 11:56 AM on Oct. 29, 2012