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Why does a mother pick one child to raise out of 5?

My bio mom had five childern me two other girls two other boys and the only one she kept was the youngest who is now 11. She gave us up for adoption. I have been in contact with her and she does not want anything to do with me or my childern or want me to have anything to do with my younger brother. I cant understand this I as her what did i do to make u not like me and she repiled being Born. My younger brother does not know he has brother and sisters. I'm searching for them, but i have had no luck, my other brother will be 18 on the 16 of feb. I really want to find them, What to bring them home, How do i go bout this! I did know them but have faint meroies. When my 11 year old brother turns 18 do think it would be wrong to try to contact him myself? I think he has a right to make that choice his self if he wants to have me in his life Dont you. im Confused. Help please!!!!!!! Thank you for your time.

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Asked by izzyandbuggsmom at 4:16 PM on Feb. 10, 2009 in Adoption

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Answers (13)
  • maybe at the time that you and your other siblings were born, she was not physically and or mentally able to care for children and by the time the youngest came, she was.

    yes, when he is an adult, he can make that choice for himself.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:18 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I don't understand it.. why does a mother keep having kids and then give them up?? My dads BIO mom had kid after kid after kid after kid and once they got to a certain point would give them up. My dad was four when his BIO parents left him with a babysitter for a weekend and when the babysitter when to take him home at their arranged time his parents house was empty and they were gone and they sent a letter saying they wanted the babysitters family to adopt them and they did(so that babysitter is my aunt)
    I don't get it. I really don't but everything happens for a reason that is all I can say.

    Answer by krazyash023 at 4:20 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I too was adopted, I was 6 and my baby brother was adopted too. Fortunately we were kept together. I often wondered why this happened and when I was pregnant with my first son, my mother found me. We had both registered on an adoption registry website saying that we were looking for each other. Maybe you can go that route. I'll try and find the website for you if you're interested. Do you know your sibling's names?? Having their birth dates would help too. You can also try A lot of the times you have to pay for information, but I think it's worth it when you're trying to find your family. Good luck to you!! I am sorry about your mother's reaction to you when you asked WHY? That's just cruel.

    Answer by boizmom at 4:21 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • some people are not meant to be parents. omg. okay, so my cousin did a similar thing. she had four kids, only kept one. 3 different dads. she only wanted the first one, but somehow ended up giving him to an aunt along wiht the other two. when #4 came along, her husband refused to allow her to give him up. #4 is in a household where there are drugs and god only knows what else. he is a good kid, mostly, but i worry for the future of this child. the other three were raised by loving parents and despite some mental problems with one of them (He's bipolar and stuff) they are basically good kids with bright futures ahead of them. when #1 died, (he was killed by a cop too stupid to not speed) she was bereft, ravaged, crazy with guilt. wtf? where was she when he was alive? but i beleive she loved him, and loves them. she's just not capable of being a decent mother to them. pm me if you need to talk.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 6:39 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • izzyandbuggsmom, You my dear are a very strong young person, whom desrves all things good. Your Mom, if indeed say that to you, is a piss-poor excuse for a human , let alone a Mother. I want to get something perfectly clear, Izzys, YOU DID NOTHING WRONG..NOTHING! You have EVERY RIGHT , to contact your little brother now if you wish. There is no law that states you cannot see your little bro. If possible run a small ad in your local paper,or go on line in your twon/city, ask for some legal advice, explain at the moment yopu cannot pay, but will over time. There really are compassionate people willing to help. Blessings, You are worthy of a mothers Love, never forget that..C.J.

    Answer by ceejay1 at 12:58 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Izzy,

    The adoption decisions that others made for you are not anything that binds you or prevents you from having contact with your siblings. Your sibling relationship with your younger brother is between you and him - not your biological mother or your adoptive parents. If you wish to have a relationship with your younger brother people may be upset (especially if it has been kept a secret from him) but you are absolutely right that your brother has a right to know and have a relationship with his siblings. If his parents get in the way and prohibit the relationship then ultimately that will reflect upon them and not you. If you have to wait until he is "an adult" then wait and continue to pursue a relationship with your brother. You will be able to tell him that you tried and that you have wanted a relationship. I'm so sorry that this has broken up your family. Were you and your other siblings placed together?

    Answer by PortAngeles1969 at 1:34 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • PortAngeles1969,

    Sadly no, I have not seen them in forever but I still remember little things bout them , not a whole lot. My brother will be 18 on the 16 of Feb. Im not sure on how to go bout finding him. I have tryed everything and I do have his birthdate and the name before he got adopted out. Hopefully that will help me in my search for him. Thank you so much for your help. Good Bless you and ur family!

    Answer by izzyandbuggsmom at 3:14 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Consider her putting you up for adoption as the best gift she could have ever given you. I am sorry for your pain. I was not put up for adoption but my bio father hasn't been in my life since i was 7. When I try to contact him he does not respond. I understand he now has two more children- my siblings. Neither are 18. I have used myspace to get in touch with cousins (my mom located them) the cousins led to my uncle's myspace page. These same cousins have also let me know how my siblings are doing. I will not attempt to contact them until they are 18. I would give your lil brother that option as well.

    Answer by LuckyClown at 5:31 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I have a similar question, but mine is "How does a mother choose one child to give up for adoption out of 4"? My birth mother told my parents not to allow me to find her, so I never try to. I would love to meet my biological siblings, but you're right, it's hard to go about doing that. Once your brother is 18, you can contact him since he is a legal adult. That's not going behind anyone's back or anything, and besides, you're an adult who deserves to know, and you deserve answers if that's what you wish. Maybe by knowing him, you'll come to know how and why she did what she did.

    Answer by lilmizzie27 at 8:02 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I gave my son up for adoption when I was 15 years old because I could not care for him nor give him a good life!! (Which turned out the best decission I have ever made!!). I just had a beautiful little girl I was ready for because I had my own place and a fiance'...but when everything was perfect I found out I was pregnant again and suddenly my fiance went to jail, we lost our house because of it, and I cant take care of another if I am a single momma! So I am giving up this little girl I am prego with for adoption because I can only take care of my daughter Chloe! So it is bad timing for me, and maybe it was for her...we have reasons why we do it.

    Answer by kayleejade03 at 8:32 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

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