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Any suggestions on how to deal with different parenting views than your spouse?

My husband and I were raised very differently and it is now posing a problem not only in our parenting but in our marriage. My husband grew up partially in an orphanage and partially in an absent parent household. I grew up in a more balanced disciplined household. Now that my son is 3 we are disagreeing on everything from time-outs, bed time, diet etc. etc. I want my son to have structure and stability. My husband thinks my son should run long as he is fed and clothed he's doing better than he had it!!!! HELP! I can't help but feel alone and un-supported. Anyone else going through this?

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Asked by Mich80 at 4:16 PM on Feb. 10, 2009 in General Parenting

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Answers (5)
  • Read:

    raising our children, raising ourselves by naomi aldort

    Both of you read it :) then you can find your balance.

    Answer by keyaziz at 4:28 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • These are important things to work out BEFORE having kids. Now that you are beyond that point, you need to sit down with your hubby and have a discussion. Make a plan with him on how to handle key situations that come up. I understand the reason he feels the way he does, and why you feel the way you do, but there is a happy medium. You can insist on order and routine for certain things and allow him to just run at other times. Kids need a mixture of both. My kids spend the morning with their homeschool routine and get to do what they want in the afternoon. They have dinner and their baths at the same time every night and go to bed at the same time. This give them the best of both worlds.

    Answer by yakara77 at 4:28 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • omg, yes. i've so been there. i was raised old-school by my granny adn my hubby was shuffled around from relative to relative with basically no one caring about him or his brothers. we have two kids, a girl, 9 and a boy, 4. we fight over damned near everything. he thinks they should be pampered. he thinks i should still wipe the girls butt. not kidding here. i think its my job to raise them so that they are capapble of caring for themselves. so we disagree a lot. but this is what we did. since i stay home and care for the kids, i make the decisions. we discuss the big ones, but the small, day to day care and discipline lands on me. so i do it my way. things like first sleepovers and big rule transgressions we discuss. this works for us. my hubbydoes not want me to spank them or hit them, but if they hit me, i hit them back anyway.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 5:53 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • as my kids are getting up in age and are mostly well behaved adn wonderfully caring children, i've started telling him what i'm doing now is working just fine. the kids are awesome. i must be doing this right so let me do what i need to do. it is frustrating to both of us but you know, if there is anything in this world worth doing right, its raising your kids.

    Answer by princezzmommie at 5:54 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • My husband and I have different views on many things involving our kids. I research and tell him he should do the same. He says no. I then tell him if he is not going to research and make educated decisions on how to raise our kids, then he will have to trust my research.

    Answer by Krysta622 at 7:39 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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