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2 Bumps

She says you can't make me

What do you do when your older kid (a teen) doesn't do the stuff they are supposed to do (everyday things) like not cleaning the cat litter, not cleaning the counter, leaving food on a bowl she's supposedly clean, she forgets her lunch on purpose so she will have to eat at school (she takes 2 lunches per week & eats lunch at school the other 3 x's), misses the bus, doesn't set her alarm, won't do chores (and she doesn't even have more than 1-2 a day). She says I'm not going to do it & you can't make me. She's right I can't make her but what can I do to make it 'WORTH HER WHILE'. We don't believe in giving allowance for chores we just give her $10 a week just to spend. Thinking maybe that should stop.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:00 PM on Oct. 29, 2012 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • Tell her if she doesn't clean the cat litter, she doesn't get to have cats
    If she doesn't help clean the kitchen, she doesn't get to use it
    She pays for those school lunches, not you
    You set her alarm

    You CAN'T make her, but you also don't have to let her watch TV, have a phone, use the computer, give her money, etc.

    Answer by FreeForAll at 1:02 PM on Oct. 29, 2012

  • Yeah, she needs to start earning her money.

    Answer by 3libras at 1:08 PM on Oct. 29, 2012

  • how old are we talking? cause the one time i said "you cant make me" my dad said..."okay, you can stay in the kitchen until its done (washing dishes) and yes i can make you stay in here". then he sat in the kitchen while i washed the dishes. but then my dad was military and i never wanted to mess with him.

    it sounds like a battle for control. come up with the natural consequences for her actions...basically what FFA suggested.

    Answer by okmanders at 1:18 PM on Oct. 29, 2012

  • I agree with all of the above but I am curious as to the age of the child.

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 1:26 PM on Oct. 29, 2012

  • Those thing she wants or wants to do she does not get or get to do. You have to get creative with punishments.  If you give her an alowance. Stop giving it to her. she does not deserve it.  Is this a teenager?


    Answer by louise2 at 1:27 PM on Oct. 29, 2012

  • She's 14

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 1:38 PM on Oct. 29, 2012

  • I would be taking away privileges and rewarding good behavior.

    Answer by AllAboutKeeley at 1:41 PM on Oct. 29, 2012

  • Fine but you also don't have to give her the $10 or take her anywhere but school. Pick out 2 outfits for her and take away the rest. She can earn them back by behaving with respect. You can't physically force her to do things but you can make her uncomfortable enough that she will do them.
    Take away the tv, her phone, etc. you don't have to give her those things and she can't make you.

    Answer by missanc at 1:44 PM on Oct. 29, 2012

  • Well, if she misses the bus - she can walk.
    If she forgets her lunch, well you can forget to put money in her account. She can pay for it out of her own money.
    My mom used to threaten to put the cat box or dirty dishes in my bed. I didn't feel like finding out if she would actually follow through.


    Answer by balagan_imma at 1:49 PM on Oct. 29, 2012

  • She is very spoiled and is getting away with murder!

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 PM on Oct. 29, 2012

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