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Have you ever found out that your DH/SO joined an adult "friend" finder site?

Has anyone ever caught their DH/SO with a profile on an adult friend finder site? Like the ones where they are just looking for sex partners and not a real relationship? Did you say anything to him or just keep tabs to make sure he wasn't going through with actually meeting up with girls? Did you say anything and how did you bring it up? How did you find out?

Yea thats more than one question, but heres the situation. DH has been playing around on his new blackberry all the time, every waking moment he has hes on the internet on that thing and I started to get suspicious. He had forgotten to unmark the box that says "keep me signed in" on his email and I looked at it. There was a confirmation of his membership on Amaturmatch.com which is strictly a sex finder site. I got his password to the site and logged in and looked at his profile and was shocked. I want to say something but don't know how to...suggestions?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:02 PM on Feb. 10, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • Well I would just get it over with and ask him. maybe he is just curious about the site and is strictly on there to ogle the women with no real intention of anything more. A lot of the pictures on there are pretty risque, so its kinda of like amauter porn. My dh and I are swingers so I can't really help you out with much more advice than that. Just ask him. Good luck!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • 806anony men who don't want to be found out and do it behind partners backs LIE!!! Get yourself into counseling and drag his butt in if he won't go kick him out. I am so sick of being disrepected myself and seeing other women too. We're the backbones of our families cause our men don't have any.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:12 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • I'm soooooooooooooooo sorry. I have gone thru this with my husband too. I think he was on adultfriendfinder.com. I just had to confront him. Tell him that it hurts you....especially cause he could potentially meet someone on there or even just cybering if you are not ok with it, is wrong...and that's not fair to you or your marriage. Go to www.pureintimacy.org there are a lot of resources on that website that may help you confront him with out a big blowout.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:13 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • (OP) I just don't know what would make him want to go behind my back. We have a good sex life and he seemed pleased and he is not the type to tell me if he wants something different. The things I read on his profile were things I didn't even know he wanted out of sex. Hes never said he was dissatisfied with anything and hes never acted like he wasn't happy. Sometimes I hate the fact that the internet even exists b/c of the fact that things like these are so easily available and the fact that his phone has access to the internet is even worse b/c he can set things up while hes not with me. I was thinking about asking him what he wants out of this relationship and if he says hes happy then I'm just going to say "then delete your profile on Amaturmatch.com" if he asks how I found out I'd just tell him its amazing what a google search can do, hed never know the difference and then I won't get accused of snooping
    amyrw

    Answer by amyrw at 9:22 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Oh...I have no idea why I was posting anon, guess I got box check happy :)
    amyrw

    Answer by amyrw at 9:23 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • anon 9:13
    Thank you for the website. I'm going to check it out.
    amyrw

    Answer by amyrw at 9:24 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Nope, and if I did he'd be my ex. GL, and dump the loser.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:30 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Well, if you know the password, why don't you just go and change his profile info. Make it to where he is looking for a man instead of a woman. Make it to where he would be unattractive to other people. Make the person he is searching for someone he would not want in a million years. He will start getting all kinds of people interested in him that he has no interest in. He will probably start wondering why. If he didn't want you to know I doubt he will bring it up.
    dddd2776

    Answer by dddd2776 at 9:52 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • well....my hubby and I joined the sight together. At the time it seemed innocent fun and plus I would rather him do it with me there than behind my back, well I wouldnt recommend that either unless you have an agreement on some issues. It was fun for a while, then dh got a little pushy with trying to have a threesome (which never happened BTW). I said I would think about it, well I decided not to and felt that it would be a bad idea, well now he is aggrovated at me STILL and it's been about a year since we have done that. I would def be pissed if he was hiding it from me tho
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

  • Yes I have dealt with this, If you would like to discuss it furthur, you can message me. I don't feel that great about getting into details where everyone can read them, as it isn't my problem. . .
    lovinangels

    Answer by lovinangels at 10:52 PM on Feb. 10, 2009

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