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This Grandma is stressed!!!

Ok, ladies, I need some advice. Ive mentioned before that my oldest son and DIL met in drug rehab, and their relationship has been the expected trainwreck. They have a 14 month old son, my adorable grandson, Mykelti. Their relationship, and parenting, has deteriorated to the point that it looks like my DH and I are going to step in and take Mykelti for awhile. Probably long term.

My question is: I have a high stress job, and I work 12 hour days frequently. I am new to this area, and I have no family or close friends to help with day care. How do I pick a day care? How do I start over raising a baby? I was a single mom for ten years, and I just finished raising my children. I dearly love Mykelti, and I want him. He needs a stable home, but I am so tired with the life I have now. I feel like I live in a cloud of exhaustion, how do I add a baby to this?
I guess a part of me is scared I cant do it.... and I really want to.

 
Nimue930

Asked by Nimue930 at 6:58 PM on Nov. 5, 2012 in Toddlers (1-2)

Level 32 (56,124 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • You can do this. And you end up doing it the same way you did it with your kids.....you just figure it out as you go. There may have to be some small changes to your life but you'll adapt and both you and baby will be better for it.

    Take a day to visit daycare facilities. Call your social services office for a list of those in your area. If you go to church, ask the members who may have kids or grandkids in day care.

    One step at a time. Don't panic. Breathe. You can do this
    Mrs_Prissy

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 7:01 PM on Nov. 5, 2012

  • Can either of you take a sabbatical for a few years?
    Just until he gets into school?
    Of course- I may not be the best person because I have fought tooth and nail and gone without so I could be a SAHM...

    I will say this, as a new mom again in my 40's all that claptrap about having more patience is true. I am so much calmer with this one than with the other ones.
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 7:07 PM on Nov. 5, 2012

  • You will surprise yourself at what you are capable of doing when there is a will to do anything, you pick a day care by visiting and outlining things you expect and want from them, you never forget how to raise a child, you might be a bit rusty but forget never!!!!! you can do this!!!
    older

    Answer by older at 7:14 PM on Nov. 5, 2012

  • You are amazing to even consider taking this on yourself! You can do it!
    staciandababy

    Answer by staciandababy at 7:22 PM on Nov. 5, 2012

  • you can do whatever you set your mind to do. you do it everyday, you just haven't had to label in this fashion, for this reason.
    start by getting references from friends, coworkers, people you see frequently who do have LOs (your church families?). call these facilities and get the facts: costs, hours, caregivers/teachers per child ratios. don't trust a facility just because it is a church or private-run center.
    they will all have to met certain standards/criteria set by the state (i believe this is true, anyway. i could be wrong.).
    visit them unannounced, talk to the directors and take tours. do they seem organized, clean, efficient? do the children appear well-cared for? you'll get 'the facts' from the directors, but you'll get a 'feel' from a physical visit.
    trust your gut..if it feels 'off', then keep looking.
    remember, no one likes leaving their kids in the hands of strangers, so its ok to feel overwhelmed or weary.
    dullscissors

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:34 PM on Nov. 5, 2012

  • I'm sorry for what you are going through. I was a grandma at 39. In my 40's now, I look at them and think, how the heck did I do that? It's exhausting..... Keep us posted.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 8:05 PM on Nov. 5, 2012

  • You were a single mom for 10 years, if you can do that you can handle this one little baby! lol Seriously, it won't be easy, but you can do it, you really don't have a choice. It will be hard at first to get the whole thing situated, but after you get a routine worked out it'll be easier. This child will bring you so much joy, you will see things differently than you did with your own children. You realize now how fast they grow up and you'll appreciate each stage so much more. I totally understand your situation, I have been there with my grandkids, I have friends who are in this situation too. It seems alot of our generation are raising grandkids. Just know your not alone, and we need to support eachother, this is a whole new kind of parenting.
    robyann

    Answer by robyann at 8:31 PM on Nov. 5, 2012

  • Thanks ladies for your encouragement! I keep telling myself when I have him I wont be worried so much so Ill probanly be less tired!
    Nimue930

    Comment by Nimue930 (original poster) at 9:24 PM on Nov. 5, 2012