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4 Bumps

Did I do the right thing? Should I do it again?

Recently, while hanging out with my neighbors son (they're really close and been friends for a long time) and other friends, "I'm high as f@#&". My neighbor called me at 1 am when she found out from one of the other kids. We immediately woke our son up to question him, check his pupils, smell his breath, hair and clothes, check his pockets, etc. All of which turned up nothing and he said he didn't do it and that he was only joking. We gave him another chance to tell us the truth and said you have until such and such time or we are taking you for a drug test. Long story short, we took him for the drug test which he passed, THANK GOODNESS, but now I am wondering if I did the right thing. We also plan to test him unknowingly and randomly just to be sure because we later found out, he was around another teen in the neighborhood that DOES smoke marijuana. ADVICE ONLY PLEASE, NO BASHING.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 10:26 PM on Nov. 7, 2012 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (12)
  • I"m not sure if you should keep testing him since he did pass....weed stays in your system for at least 2 weeks. If you keep testing him and he's not doing it, he may get the attitude that he myswell do it since you already think he does. Talk to him, tell him you were just very worried that's why you tested him. Talk to him about why you don't want him smoking, I'm sure you already have, but do it again. Keep the lines of communication open. You do have to have some trust in him,

    Answer by robyann at 10:32 PM on Nov. 7, 2012

  • I agree with robyann, but I'd like to add, talk to him about thinking about the things he says, and the consequences for saying them. Other people may believe what they hear, and it can affect him in ways he may never know. He may not be chosen for certain opportunities because someone will have a certain impression about the kind of person he is, other parents may decide he can't hang out with their kids because they think he's a bad influence, someone might not recommend him for a job because they think what he said was true, especially since they heard it from his own mouth.

    Answer by ohwrite at 11:11 PM on Nov. 7, 2012

  • But you really didn't give him a chance to tell the truth right? Because he TOLD you the truth and you still disbelieved him and made him take a drug test. You were convinced of his guilt before he even opened his mouth.

    Not bashing but what is the point in continued testing?

    Answer by Mrs_Prissy at 11:12 PM on Nov. 7, 2012

  • I spent a lot of time around kids that smoked when I was a teen. MY best friend smoked weed regularly. I never touched the stuff. Not.Ever. Why not? Because I didn't want to. I feel bad for your son that you are assuming he will blindly do what the others are doing. He isn't a sheep, he has a mind of his own.

    If you're going to continue testing him (why I don't know) you really should tell him that you're going to do it, not do it behind his back. You should also be prepared to explain to him why you're doing it.

    He told you the truth the first time. Please learn to trust him.

    Answer by winterglow at 3:10 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • Stop testing him. Stop treating him like a criminal. I found out a teen is going to do it anyways. Behind your back. If they want to do it. Start randomlychecking his room, his cloths.  Marijuana stays in the body for a months, my DH told me. He did tne piss test when he was in the Army. Educate yourself.


    Answer by louise2 at 7:35 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • So you treated your son like a criminal based on the word of a neighbor in the middle of the night? Can you explain what your son has done in the past to make him so untrustworthy that you would treat him the way you did?

    He told you he didn't do it. He passed a drug test. And now you want to continue to make him pass tests. You do realize that this will not inspire trust, communication, or good behavior from him, right? He will only learn that Mom and Dad will treat him like he's done something wrong based on someone else's word, and that you will not believe what he says, so he might as well go out and do it, because you'll accuse him of it and treat him like he did it anyway.

    I would not continue to drug test him if I were you. I would apologize for the way you handled it and work on getting some better communication.

    Answer by wendythewriter at 8:05 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • What Mrs_Prissy said. Don't destroy your relationship over continued drug tests. Apologize and try to mend the damage

    Answer by adnilm at 8:19 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • I would not continue with the testing.

    Answer by booklover545 at 2:54 PM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • WTF... over react much??

    Answer by Crafty26 at 9:36 PM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • You are over reacting. You do NOT need to keep testing him, especially without his knowledge or consent. You will lose all his trust and respect and then he will do things he shouldn't. Maybe you should try TRUSTING him instead of thinking the worst. You should apologize to your son for ASSuming that he is a criminal and find was to earn his trust back.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 8:32 PM on Nov. 9, 2012

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