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Do you remember or forget a miscarriage

Hi ladies. I posted on here a few times about having a micarraige. I swear this will be the last. We have one little boy together and my husband gave me a little silver band that has my sons name on it. He has always said he will get me one for each child we have. They are the type of rings you stack. Well he mentioned something to me about getting me a plain little silver band to wear with my sons in memory of our loss. I was 10 weeks along and have had a hard time getting over this. I love my husbands thought but I don't want to constantly look at my hand me be reminded of it. I don't know maybe I'm just not ready but as of now I just want to forget this. What do you think? Do you forget or remember?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 12:20 AM on Nov. 8, 2012 in Pregnancy

Answers (15)
  • "I" think you need to do what ever makes "you" comfortable and not take a poll about it

    it wasn't our loss, but yours.
    if you want to make him happy and cope with your loss at the same time- perhaps keeping the ring in a jewelry box, tucked away, like the lost hopes and dreams may be a decent compromise.

    gawd- that sounds almost harsh, and i am sorry. it is not meant that way. it is only meant to be fully supportive of YOUR decision.

    Answer by feralxat at 12:28 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • I have had 4 all between the 5th and 6th month. You do not forget but the pain grows less and less. My opinion is that the band might keep the hurt fresh in your mind longer.

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:31 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • I'm not taking a pole just asking opinions. I've never dealt with this so I was looking for people who have been and their experence. Thanks for the response though. My heart breaks because we have to use fertility to get pregnant and that alone is such an emotional ride. We were so happy it finally worked again just to be crushed. Ill be done talking about it on here.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 12:37 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • Talk about it all you need to talk about it.
    I am not trying to minimize your pain or loss
    It is hard to have those hopes and dreams and then the very next day for them to all be gone-
    Some squash the pain, and that works for them.
    Others have a burial ceremony
    All I meant was Do what YOU need to do-

    What do YOU want to do about this?
    What are your thoughts?
    How do YOU feel?

    Answer by feralxat at 12:41 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • I'm sorry you've experienced your loss. I've had 3 miscarriages and those were over 25 yrs ago. I never forget but as Dard said, the pain does and will ease. Hang in there, hugs!!

    Answer by PMSMom10 at 12:42 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • I've had four miscarriages. I still think often about the babies that might have been, that should have been. The pain will always be there inside you, but it won't always be as unbearable as it is now. I'm sorry for your loss, and I urge you to do whatever helps you cope the best. I agree that tucking the ring away in a jewelry box, at least for now, may be a good idea if your husband does buy you one. If you try to get pregnant again and have another child, then maybe put the plain band between the two engraved ones, that might be a way to commemorate the lost one later without so much fresh pain. It's cold comfort, but many of us have suffred the same crushing loss; you aren't alone.

    Answer by Ballad at 12:56 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • She never once said she was taking a poll...... I have to get on fertility and have lost babies. always remember that short pregnancy but i honestly dont think i could handle a bracelet. But thats just me. I will always always remember feeling that baby move and how happy it made me but i will also remember how heartbroken i was too

    Answer by teeg1 at 2:05 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • if you are not comfortable with the band let him know. maybe someday you will be. i have an angel to remind me of my daughter that i lost. she sits on my bedroom window frame. i do not think you ever forget though. my daughter would have turned10 in April and while i do not think of it the same way or as often as i used to i do still remember her.

    Answer by MooNFaeRie30 at 6:40 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • My DD's are 33 and 28 years old. I had a late misscarraige between them. It was my only son. You never forget. It just gets easier to deal with over the years. Tell your DH thank you but no thankyou.

    Answer by louise2 at 7:25 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

  • everyone grieves in their own way, no matter the loss.
    and no, i haven't forgotten mine..i won't.

    Answer by dullscissors at 7:32 AM on Nov. 8, 2012

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