Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How should I handle this with my 13 YO daughter...

We've had situations like this before, and we handled them by discussing the pros and cons with her and of course she was grounded and yelled at and everything else, but here we are again about 5 months later. I went through her back pack to get my son some paper for school and found a questionaire that I guess is going around the school, and her and her friend both had answers on it. Some of the things that bothered me were questions related to sex and boys and people she looked up to. (Who are no good) When dad and I confronted her about it, she said she was just "fronting" to her friends. But she also had a letter she wrote to her best friend saying she was happy she talked to this boy who is almost 2 yrs older, and that she wants to ____ him without a con____. This is how it was written! And I've heard from a family member that my daughter said something about wanting a baby! But she swears shes still a virgin! (CONT)

Answer Question
 
jdrae13

Asked by jdrae13 at 1:58 AM on Feb. 11, 2009 in Teens (13-17)

Level 6 (131 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • We have a 6 month old, and my daughter is a big help with him, but she always makes comments that she can't handle him. And she was at the delivery with him, I was hoping that would deter her from wanting to go thru that too. Any advice. I'm already losing my hair from having the baby, and shes just making what I have left, fall out too!!! AAAAAAGHGHHH!!
    jdrae13

    Answer by jdrae13 at 2:00 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • u need to speak to her about being sexually active ASAP!! i know and i understand that ur not gonna want to hear dat she's sexually active or thinking about having sex...BUT it's much better for her to get all the facts from u rather than a friend...dont get angry with her even though it might be hard not to...if u do then she will only see u as the enemy...talk 2 her woman to woman...and explain the consequences including STD's...she's definitely not old enough to be having sex but if she has her mind made up is better if u speak 2 her before she does anything stupid....best of luck!!!
    JulieFrancesca

    Answer by JulieFrancesca at 2:11 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • We actually are very open about sex in our home. We have 3 teens, (the other 2 are boys) and we believe it is important to educate them well on the subject. We've even gone so far as to tell her it is perfectly normal and we don't care (as long as the door is shut) if she chooses to "self pleasure", just to avoid any unwanted circumstances. We have had these discussions since she was 9 because while I was working in the hospital I saw an 11 yo have a baby and I was terrified. Right now I feel like we are stuck at just constantly lecturing her about why it's a bad idea to have sex now, and what the risks are, until we are blue in the face. Then take a deep breath, and start over again! It's just so frustrating. She's gotta know how bad this can be, right?!
    jdrae13

    Answer by jdrae13 at 2:17 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Sometimes there is nothing you can do, my parents explained everything to me and I wanted a baby sooo bad, I thought I was pregnant at 13 and thank god I wasn't, but even tho I talked to my parents and knew they would disapprove, I found ways to have sex, it does happen at school! I know now that I was just lucky I didn't get pregnant that young, but there were many times before I even turned 18 when I thought I was, but I wanted a baby so bad and I didn't care what anybody said to me even my parents.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:01 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Reminder her that ____ing the guy with out a con___ can have an out come way worse than pregnancy. What about putting her TOTALLY in charge of caring for the 6 month old for a weekend, including if she wants to go out she cannot because she has to take care of the baby and she gets up with him/her during the night? And the only time you step in is if the safety of the baby is at risk.
    goaliemom93

    Answer by goaliemom93 at 9:37 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Well srry to say she prolly isnt that was how i was ..u need to go get her on Birth control not pills the shot...or something like that that way u know she has it and is taking it and tell her about teen moms have her meet some and all that ...im 16 with a 1 yr old and i do not recomend this for any teen i know what it is like so if i can do anything just let me know
    HAUTMAMMA3908

    Answer by HAUTMAMMA3908 at 9:42 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • and i agree with goaliemom93 that would be a good idea...if that happened omg i wouldn't have a kid today lol...i think 3 day tho so she can get the sleep deprivation that she will have way worse of she has a baby

    HAUTMAMMA3908

    Answer by HAUTMAMMA3908 at 9:48 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • when i gave my oldest the talk about birth control, etc, i showed her pics of STD's, babies being born and I have been honest w/ my dtr's about men and their nature since birth. Sometimes they need the real truth not sugar coated. you can say to her, men like stuff for free, if they can screw you, get you pregnant w/out having to help you, they will. if they can give you a disease cause you want to have sex w/ them, they will. always say they are not all this way but most are.

    if this doesn't work, move to siberia, lol.
    KARRIEMARIE

    Answer by KARRIEMARIE at 11:29 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Well all I can tell is how I would handle the situation. First of all I have a three year old so my own 13 year old is far from interested in having a kid, she hardly wants her sister. But if she was your daughter, I would be eliminating her freedom... In my house the rules are, you have to EARN your trust by showing me you can be responsible, mature, and honest. If you do not do any of those three things then she gets treated like an elementary child, supervised gatherings, limited on the phone, and all that jazz. It works great with my daughter, she has learned to communicate with me, I have learned not to get so upset over everything they do, because teens are teens and do a lot what we don't like, but when mine talks to me about bad things her friends say and do, it earns my trust because it gives me the opportunity to stay connected with my teen.
    TheFriskyKitty

    Answer by TheFriskyKitty at 12:19 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Well obviously what you are currently doing is frustrating you both, and it's not working, so stop lecturing her. She's educated about sex, and she knows the risks very well. The less you yell, the more comfortable she'll feel about talking to you about it. You do all the talking right now, and you're confused and frustrated. It's important that you sit her down and shut your mouth. Let HER do all of the talking, and let her know that you won't say a word, much less yell. When the conversation is over, CALMLY ASK her if she thinks birth control would be something you guys need to look into. If you don't trust her, don't tell her that. Instead, don't get the daily pill, get an IUD or the shot. That way you'll be with her when she gets it, and will have peace at mind that she's not flushing her pills in an attempt to get pregnant. The more calm you are about the situation, the more likely she'll be honest with you.
    ktrog

    Answer by ktrog at 12:37 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Cafemom Join now to connect to other members! Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN