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Is everyone really that divorce-happy?

I have a question for you ladies. I do not get to answer questions on Cafe Mom as often as I would like to, but I do get on to read answers, especially those in the relationship. I notice that when questions are asked many of you automatically jump to divorce. I have seen everything from "sit his shit outside and change the locks" to "hire a lawyer" to "he's dead to you." Quite frankly, I love it and it cracks me up. But I wonder if everyone is really that divorce happy? Mind you the things the guy did are usually pretty heinous. But have you all been in similar situations where you have had to get a divorce? Or if not, would you really be prepared to divorce your husband for these things?

 
hatagaj

Asked by hatagaj at 7:25 PM on Nov. 10, 2012 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,230 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Divorce would be a last option for me, I love my husband and we have had plenty of ups and downs, our marriage is very far from perfect but we try to be 100% honest with each other and made a promise to each other many years ago to never go to bed mad at the other, we have been married for almost 15 years and no I don't know what the future holds but honestly I would find it hard to just up and leave him over anything.
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 8:26 AM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • I'll support a person who wants a divorce but I've never advised anyone to get a divorce & generally the people whose posts I respond to (in Relationships) are expressing distress about how things are & a longing for change. Most situations do sound dysfunctional & entrenched, and perhaps there's not much reason for hope, but I do believe if people get the right support & really want to change, they probably can. It may not mean the "marriage" is saved but maybe their way of being in it changes, maybe their way of relating changes, and this simple thing can make room for big change in a relationship. This is true even for apparently hopeless situations, including codependent addictions--chemical or behavioral (computer games, etc.), lying, cheating, etc.

    If people had more self-understanding & better emotional regulation, they wouldn't fall into those patterns & behaviors in the first place! Getting help can be transforming.
    girlwithC

    Answer by girlwithC at 10:02 PM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • I believe in "Never say never..." Marriage is not easy and I even seem to have a pretty good one. For faith purposes, I do not believe in an easy button when it comes to dealing with problems in a marriage... However, if I find him cheating and non-repentant of his acts, then he is probably out the door. Adultery is a bit different.
    Ruthmom802

    Answer by Ruthmom802 at 8:11 PM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • I'm not divorce-happy but I am happy with my divorce! It's an option. It's not for everyone but it sure worked for me.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:18 PM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • From the way the person explains their situation divorce is the best advice to give to them. Some people who post all their martial issues on here, say they have been dealing with the same thing for years and its only getting worse, either they can stay till the end when death departs them or they can leave and try to make it better thru counseling or just end it thru divorce.
    virginiamama71

    Answer by virginiamama71 at 12:39 PM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • Uhhh no but if what they are saying sounds horrid then yes.
    mommys2cupcakes

    Answer by mommys2cupcakes at 4:02 AM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • Well, I don't appreciate being lumped in with "everyone" :P Unless there's statements of any kind of abuse, I say counseling or go check out certain books to help with the marriage. I hate using that D word for anything, and I honestly feel a lot of people give up too soon on a marriage.

    And gdiamante, I have a father and a brother who would take my husband out "hunting" if he ever abused me (in ways I didn't like :P), and cheating IS abuse.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 11:02 PM on Nov. 10, 2012

  • There is alot I would not put up with but I usually do not say divorce unless there is physical or emotional abuse.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 9:10 PM on Nov. 10, 2012

  • I think on the whole we are only seeing a small window into the relationship and we all process things differently. Since we all come from different experiences it's easy to just say 'dump him' or to kick him to the curb. I don't think most members follow this advice unless it's what they really feel inside and just wanted a little validation. Some situations described on here are so damaging that I personally can't imagine trying to put such a relationship back together. To what end and for whom? Suggesting that someone get an attorney when they feel that something is wrong is just preparedness. Since most mothers of divorce end up being the custodial parents and not usually the bread winners, it's important to protect your property rights and to not only think about you, but also being able to take care of your kids.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 8:51 PM on Nov. 10, 2012

  • I would want to try counseling first but if he refused to go or it just didn't seem to work for us then, yes, divorce it would be.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:08 PM on Nov. 10, 2012