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Is everyone really that divorce-happy?

I have a question for you ladies. I do not get to answer questions on Cafe Mom as often as I would like to, but I do get on to read answers, especially those in the relationship. I notice that when questions are asked many of you automatically jump to divorce. I have seen everything from "sit his shit outside and change the locks" to "hire a lawyer" to "he's dead to you." Quite frankly, I love it and it cracks me up. But I wonder if everyone is really that divorce happy? Mind you the things the guy did are usually pretty heinous. But have you all been in similar situations where you have had to get a divorce? Or if not, would you really be prepared to divorce your husband for these things?

 
hatagaj

Asked by hatagaj at 7:25 PM on Nov. 10, 2012 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,230 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • Divorce would be a last option for me, I love my husband and we have had plenty of ups and downs, our marriage is very far from perfect but we try to be 100% honest with each other and made a promise to each other many years ago to never go to bed mad at the other, we have been married for almost 15 years and no I don't know what the future holds but honestly I would find it hard to just up and leave him over anything.
    momto4girzls

    Answer by momto4girzls at 8:26 AM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • Generally that advice is given for the unforgivables. If my husband verbally abused me, we'd be divorced. If he physically abused me, my brother would make me a widow. And if my husband cheated. that same brother would make him a eunuch.

    I don't think divorce is always the answer. But there are times when staying is the worst possible thing in the world.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 7:28 PM on Nov. 10, 2012

  • Well, yes.... If I say it, I mean it. I divorced my husband after 16 years, so I feel that gives me some experience to pass on.
    m-avi

    Answer by m-avi at 7:28 PM on Nov. 10, 2012

  • I'm divorced & I stayed much longer than I should have all for security. Which is a horrible reason to stay.

    IRL, I know someone who's DH had an affair for over a year but, he when confronted (and scared) said he wanted to stay. So, she took that as a "he really loves me" and immediatedly started changing herself, yeah...she'd a co-dependent weirdo. What's most bizarre is he was unemployed (why he wanted to stay) and she was supporting the family. I honestly don't have any respect for her now. So, I guess that makes me "divorce-happy" so be it.
    3libras

    Answer by 3libras at 7:31 PM on Nov. 10, 2012

  • For us, there are a few absolute deal breakers. Cheating, abuse, drug use would all mean automatic divorce. There would be no second chances for those things.
    JulieJacobKyle

    Answer by JulieJacobKyle at 7:43 PM on Nov. 10, 2012

  • I totally agree with you ladies. I just wondered because sometimes I see these answers on things that are not as drastic. In my marriage abuse and cheating would be the deal breakers. Sometimes I look at people and think, "How does she put up with that?" But I feel like I really don't know what I would do unless I was put in the situation.
    hatagaj

    Comment by hatagaj (original poster) at 7:45 PM on Nov. 10, 2012

  • I would want to try counseling first but if he refused to go or it just didn't seem to work for us then, yes, divorce it would be.
    But_Mommie

    Answer by But_Mommie at 8:08 PM on Nov. 10, 2012

  • I think on the whole we are only seeing a small window into the relationship and we all process things differently. Since we all come from different experiences it's easy to just say 'dump him' or to kick him to the curb. I don't think most members follow this advice unless it's what they really feel inside and just wanted a little validation. Some situations described on here are so damaging that I personally can't imagine trying to put such a relationship back together. To what end and for whom? Suggesting that someone get an attorney when they feel that something is wrong is just preparedness. Since most mothers of divorce end up being the custodial parents and not usually the bread winners, it's important to protect your property rights and to not only think about you, but also being able to take care of your kids.

    QuinnMae

    Answer by QuinnMae at 8:51 PM on Nov. 10, 2012

  • There is alot I would not put up with but I usually do not say divorce unless there is physical or emotional abuse.
    booklover545

    Answer by booklover545 at 9:10 PM on Nov. 10, 2012

  • Well, I don't appreciate being lumped in with "everyone" :P Unless there's statements of any kind of abuse, I say counseling or go check out certain books to help with the marriage. I hate using that D word for anything, and I honestly feel a lot of people give up too soon on a marriage.

    And gdiamante, I have a father and a brother who would take my husband out "hunting" if he ever abused me (in ways I didn't like :P), and cheating IS abuse.
    hopeandglory53

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 11:02 PM on Nov. 10, 2012

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