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2 Bumps

I'm stuck

I've been talking to a few close friends at work about the things going on in my marriage and my interest in finding someone who will love me and pick me up. My self esteem in this marriage has come to a serious crash and burn. My husband calling me and my daughter a bitch is inexcusable.Thats just the small bits of what goes on. So all that should be easy to just uproot the kids and get out right, well it's not just that easy. We have 3 sons one from a relationship I was in and the dad decided he didn't want to be a father. So my husband now adopted him. We didn't get that done till he was in his teens. So that weighs heavily on my mind. He's told me if I leave that he won't come back. He won't pay child support either. I'm afraid he will walk away from the kids. How do I deal with the fact that my son has a father who's been in his life since he was a newborn,but now mom no longer wants to be with dad? People who know my husband have seen how he gets and they say I can do better.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:42 AM on Nov. 11, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • Well first of all, it's not up to him if he pays child support...sounds like you would be entitled to alimony as well....if your son is a teenager, then he will realize what an asshole he is....even tho its a hard decision, it sounds like u know what u need to do, u just need the courage to do it. You are a mom and there's nothing more important than raising your kids....if it was some random guy calling your daughter a bitch, you would probably beat him....your daughter is learning that its ok to deal with that by u staying and putting up with it.....men like that usually become physically violent. Kids are resilient....they will get over it and they need their mom to be strong for them!!!!
    calliesmommie

    Answer by calliesmommie at 9:46 AM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • You need to make some phone calls tomorrow. They should be to a lawyer, a realtor & a counselor for you & the kids.

    mrsmom110

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 10:01 AM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • I'm flat broke with nowhere to go. I need to get my ducks in a row.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:06 AM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • I know this already meeoma,but I'm not going to say no to dating either. I'm also not going to just let anyone in my life until I think he's good enough for me and the kids.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 10:25 AM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • Have you tried talking to your husband? Do you have insurance? Most insurance covers counseling. I don't know what state you live in, but where I live most employers have Employee Assistance Programs which is basically free counseling for employees and their families. You call the number and can talk to someone right then and if that is not enough, can set up a meeting with a local counselor. It's free and confidential. I've used the program and it helped me tremendously.
    tempsingl3mom

    Answer by tempsingl3mom at 11:24 AM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • A big negatory on the dating. It sounds like you aren't so great at picking men and until you figure out why you pick bad men, you are going to continue to pick bad men
    adnilm

    Answer by adnilm at 11:46 AM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • For right now, say no to dating. Until you can be the woman who doesn't have to worry about what will happen to the kids if the relationship ends. No dating till you're there, otherwise you will not get there and you'll find yourself in the same pattern.

    When you can truly never say "you're stuck" because of a relationship, you're ready to date again.

    Get those ducks in a row. Hubby is in for a RUDE awakening.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 4:38 PM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • Just sit the kids down and discuss options and their feelings about the options. Dad can't refuse to pay child support. It's not up to him. I left with 3 kids and never looked back. I didn't get CS at the time and struggled but I never got called a bad name anymore. I had to teach my children abuse is not acceptable. You don't want the experience (of staying) to feel "normal" to them or they will grow up and abuse or accept being abused by a spouse. I'd tell Dad to hit the door. Why would you want him coming back anyway? Men are so arrogant.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:14 PM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • I'm with meooma... You don't need to get involved in another relationship right now. Men are NOT the answer to a woman's problems... Try to trust in God right now. He will get you through and show you the way in time.
    Even the best marriage has it's issues at times... There are no perfect relationships out there.
    Ruthmom802

    Answer by Ruthmom802 at 7:51 PM on Nov. 11, 2012

  • If your kids see how he acts. They will not care if you leave. And him threatening to disappear if you leave. To me is not a threat, it is a good thing. You wont have to deal with him.

    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 10:13 PM on Nov. 12, 2012

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