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Will you still make an effort if you have this kind of parent-child relationship?

If you call your parents and they barely answer the phone. And they make it seem that it's your responsibility to call in all occasions and holidays for they will not call you. You leave mssgs for them to return phone calls but they don't.

They will not consider traveling to visit you and your children even if you offer to pay for their flight and their choice of date to come. You have to travel with your young children just so they can see them and your children can see their grandparents.

You willingly help them if you can, but if you were to ask them for favors, they make such a big deal of it.

And if you get into argument, you have to make the apology or else they won't talk to you anymore.

Will still make an effort or will you cut ties even if it means my children won't see their grandparents anymore?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:58 AM on Feb. 11, 2009 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • I have a similar relationship with my parents, maybe not quite so extreme. We live in the same city as them, so it's a little different, but we still have to make all the effort (and if we don't, there's hell to pay). My approach has been that I don't want to be the one responsible for my kids not seeing their grandparents. I don't want to have to answer the questions from my kids later on about why they don't have a relationship with their grandparents. If anything ever happens that they don't have a relationship, it will not be on my shoulders, and I will have a clear conscience that I did what I could. With this caveat - as long as my children are not harmed or influenced in any negative way. If that ever happens, all bets are off. Your situation is a bit different, though, because traveling with kids is expensive and can be a hassle. So there's my input, FWIW.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:14 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I had to do that with my mother. She's refused to fly, train up to us. She 'll only stay one night. I've tried for years. I've dropped the guilt because I know what I've done to welcome her and be with her there and she refuses. Too bad my kids my life her loss. Her loss because I've offered in many many ways in many many times but her calendar's too busy. My kids now keep me to busy and I'm happier cause she and I don't fight any more because we don't talk any more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:26 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I have a similiar relationship with my mom and stepdad. I will never cut ties with them because of my brothers and sister.(i''m the oldest, youngest is 7). They moved an hour and a half away and they make no effort to come up here and see me or their grandkids. They visit other family members but not me. But they are always asking me wne I coming up. It woks both ways.
    LND

    Answer by LND at 8:35 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Sometimes it's best to cut the ties...not permanently but maybe for a very long duration. One thing I learn from relationships is that when your not around and aren't readily available, people will start to wonder what's going on and seek you out. It would be a good idea if you start gving your parent's some "tough love".. If they want to see you or the grandchildren, let them take the initiave. Don't call anymore...and go on with your life. I guarantee you that after not hearing from you for a long time, they will call and ask "why haven't you called" When that happens, just nonchantly say that you've been busy. Take control and don't let them take you or the grandchildren for granted anymore. I've been in your shoes.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:46 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Well first of all I would not just cut all ties & give up on them b/c they are your parents and no matter what one day you will need them or they will need you and it will be different. However, I don't believe that I would go to visit them just for them to see my kids. However if I wanted to go on a little trip to see them just b/c then fine but I would not make special trips. Also I would never offer to pay there way or anything else for them to come to you. If they want to see you then they can come & if not then so be it. As far as calling them. I would call them when you feel like it & if they don't answer then don't worry about it. Just don't call them back until the next time you feel like it. I WOULD QUIT CATERING TO THEIR EVERY MOVE JUST TO TRY & MAKE THEM HAPPY! Good luck with it & I hope it gets better!!
    momwifelove

    Answer by momwifelove at 9:40 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I would not cut ties, but I also would not be constantly running after them. Call when you want to call, go when you want to go, and stop trying to arrange times for them to come. I don't know your folks, but I do know there are some people who enjoy being able to control others in any way that they can. You can only be controlled if you allow yourself to be, so don't allow it. Don't talk negatively to your children about their grandparents. When they ask questions, answer them as honestly as you can by just stating the facts. You don't want your children later in life to blame you for the fact that they did not have the relationship with your folks that they would have liked. If they want to call, let the children call them. Just try to let go of the idea that you can make things be any different than they are. You will be much happier.
    NannyB.

    Answer by NannyB. at 10:43 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • EASE OFF A BIT. MAYBE IF U ARENT ALWAYS AVAILABLE IT WILLWAKE THEM UP. ITS AN IDEA. SOUNDS TERRIBLE AND IF THIS IS THE SITUATION I WONDER IF IT IS A GREAT RELATIONSHIP FOR YR KIDS?? MAYBE U WILL B ABLE TO FIND THEM SOME REPLACEMENT G'PARENTS. IT WOULF B LESS STRESSFUL FOR U TOO.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 PM on Feb. 11, 2009

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