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How to cope with adult children and this economy

I have two grown children - my son recently lost his job and he lives in North Carolina, he was working in sales, I live in WV, very close to Pittsburgh, Pa. He has interviewed with a couple of business up here, had a third interview with one company and decided it was probably a waste of his time to come in (a 7 hour drive) He is a married man with two beautiful little girls - my daughter just recently got married and lives about 4 hours away - her husband works in retail and I guess everyone knows that story - the companies are closing left and right. I guess my problem is I was a single mother for all of their growing up years - how do you let go, how do you let the feelings go - I want to just hold them tight and make things right and I can't and it is slowly driving me crazy I am getting so depressed, so worried that he will lose everything, he is having issues with unemployment and has gone 7 weeks without any money

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Kenzisgram

Asked by Kenzisgram at 8:19 AM on Feb. 11, 2009 in Adult Children (18+)

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Answers (7)
  • I'm sorry for your son's situation. Your daughter's, too. We have several friends and family members out of jobs, too. I can't speak from experience, but what I *hope* to be able to do when my kids are grown is to help them where I can and trust God to provide and them to make the right decisions. You can't change the situation, and as much as we all want to, there are some things as moms that we just can't fix. What you can do right now is provide loving strength and moral support. And if you're the praying sort, a lot of prayers. Good luck to you and them!
    flmom321

    Answer by flmom321 at 8:32 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I am so sorry for their situation. I think you help in the ways you can and just let it go from there. I know that is easier said than done but maybe by doing little things to help out you will feel less out of control.
    ma2calebzoeyeli

    Answer by ma2calebzoeyeli at 10:12 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • As a Mom,our concern and love for our children is endless and the heartbreak when we have to just take a step back and let things play out is sometimes so very difficult. When our children are adults with their own families and lives,honestly they usually dont want our help and need to feel that they can deal with whatever comes. But I know as a Mom,my concern never ends for mine no matter what. All you can do is try to support them emotionally and do what you can to see that your grandkids have what they need. Im assuming they've checked into Social Services to see if they can help in any way since there are children involved. Im so sorry for their situation. Sometimes its sooo hard to be a Mom. Hope things work out.
    guardmp_MOM

    Answer by guardmp_MOM at 5:01 PM on Feb. 12, 2009

  • This feeling will never go away..it is not supposed to. You are Mom and it is our nature to want to kiss it and make it better no matter how big the grow or how far away they move.
    Just let them know you are there for them if they need you. It does none of you any good for you to sit and worry. Write them a letter or a card letting them know you love them and are there for them it may make all of you feel a bit better. Good luck.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:35 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • As a Mom of an adult child, here is mho......as a parent sometimes we lead and sometimes we follow. All you can do at this point is follow. Put them at the foot of the cross and let God deal with it. If you feel lead by God to help monetarily, then do so, otherwise, let go and let God. You have to make that passage from Mom of a child to a Mom of an adult and I know, I've walked that journey, it is horribly difficult, but who better to take care of them then God? Really?!! If we interfere out of fear and control, we may be interfering with what God has planned for them. Trials and tribulations bring character, strength, perseverance, humbleness, appreciation.........who knows how God will use their journey to bless others in glory to Him?!! My prayers are with you dear sweet Mom, let go and let God and be still and know that He is God, listen to His prompting, worry deafens that hearkening call!!

    blessed5x

    Answer by blessed5x at 11:19 AM on Feb. 13, 2009

  • As a mother for a long time...LOL..I understand your feelings. We never give up on wanting to kiss and make it better but this is the question I ask when things start going wrong with the kids. Is there anything I can do? If the answer is yes then I do it..if the answer is no then I put them in the hands of God and don't worry. Yeah its hard but what else can you do? You are not doing them a bit of good by making yourself sick. We all had to go thru these things ourselves. Let them know you are there for them and know that they will ask when they need help. Hugs to you and your kids. Jbug
    Jbug799

    Answer by Jbug799 at 12:43 AM on Feb. 14, 2009

  • I have two adult children and they are not married yet but they are working. I also have step children and it is hard not to want to reach in there and help and make their problems cease! I remind myself though that no one ever feels good about themselves when they aren't making things happen for themselves. The key to growing is learning and figuring out solutions. We have to let them do it. I have to remind myself it is for them to become successful. We cannot be their success. I do think if they are hungry and or need some things and especially for the grandchildren then it is okay to pitch in. I just don't think we should do everything for them. Being a parent is hard but the reward is seeing your children succeed or be functional at least I think.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:39 AM on Feb. 16, 2009

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