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How do you tell you daughter she's just not good at singing?

My 11 year old daughter keeps wanting to participate in singing competitions. She's really not a good singer. She has plenty of other talents, singing just doesn't happen to be one of them. I don't want to hurt her. Do I just let her keep trying until she realizes that singing isn't her thing? She gets so upset when her friends advance a round and she doesn't.

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Asked by missanc at 3:52 AM on Nov. 13, 2012 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 43 (163,403 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • Singing lessons, or video tape her so she can hear how she sounds...I never knew how I sounded until I recorded myself, I always thought I sounded good, but I sound terrible! My daughter since she was a baby always hated my singing lol my boys love it though so I sing to them haha. I don't think you should tell her that she sings bad, people have told me that, in a nice way, and it really hurt my feelings. Let her judge herself after hearing herself on a recorder or video. On another note, my daughter is 7 1/2 and loves to sing, but boy is it annoying! She sings alllll day and she doesn't change her tone, she sounds like a bad opera singer. I think I may have her take singing lessons as she gets older because it's something she really really loves. I try to be nice and just tell her to sing in her bedroom because I have a headache or something when it gets to be too much lol

    Answer by MamaScho88 at 8:50 AM on Nov. 13, 2012

  • Yes, I would let her keep trying. It's likely she's getting something out of it. Hang in there with her when she's crying or upset. Being with her is a big gift, and this is not something a mom needs to fix or prevent--just to share. If it hurts you, that is something to look into for yourself. (This makes sense. There are reasons for our emotional triggers, usually some kind of fear or something we feel the need to protect them from.) But kids can adjust to reality.
    As far as the comments about vocal lessons, I think whether or not she's interested in pursuing instruction (and I think it's a good idea of something to offer if it fits into the budget & schedule AND if she expresses interest) they bring up a good point because it's not necessarily a matter of singing just flat out "not being her thing," as you presently feel. Singing is a natural part of human expressiveness & some coaching & instruction can bring that out.

    Answer by girlwithC at 9:37 AM on Nov. 13, 2012

  • i spent a lot of years in choirs listening to girls who could not sing. one of them was my BFF who was all but tone deaf. granted, this was high school age, but i convinced her to try out for All State which required you to make a tape of your voice. when she listened to the tape she was shocked to hear how bad she sounded. so she got voice lessons and by senior year she made the swing choir group (they're were only 8 of us!).

    anyways, if singing is something your DD really loves doing, try voice lessons. a good voice coach will do the dirty work of telling her she's bad (or at worst tone deaf) so that you dont have to. and at 11 she may just need to work on it. also, when she gets to middle school encourage her to join choir...singing for an hour everyday does wonders for the voice!

    Answer by okmanders at 9:39 AM on Nov. 13, 2012

  • YOU DONT. last thing you want to do is hurt your daughter and any way you say it, calmly and with good intentions its going to hurt her hearing that her own mother doesnt think she can sing. Let her continue the competitions. She will eventually grow out of it and if it is something she is truly passionate about them maybe try the singing lessons. You only get to be a kid and have those kid dreams for so long.. let her enjoy them! p.s. i was once a "singer" in chorus and was in my school drama club.. til i realized i sucked and couldnt carry a note lol but i had fun the few years i was in there!

    Answer by kp0469 at 11:05 AM on Nov. 13, 2012

  • Her brother tells her all the time so I don't really have to say much (although I do remind him about saying nice things and building people up instead of tearing down). We don't really have extra money for voice lessons, wish we did! She's taking band (clarinet) in school though and hopefully that will help at least with the mechanics (rhythm, pitch, etc).
    It doesn't hurt me that she doesn't make it. I hurt when my children hurt and I think empathy is a good thing.

    Comment by missanc (original poster) at 12:23 PM on Nov. 13, 2012

  • Don't.. but singing lessons would help..

    Answer by mommys2cupcakes at 5:01 AM on Nov. 15, 2012

  • Not all singers can sing very well, look at Taylor Swift she is not the best singer...but she got a guitar wrote some songs about stuff and people relate to her. Parents see flaws before anyone else does because your two close. The world will tear her down with out your comments so let her shine even if she sucks lol

    Answer by pinkparcel at 6:59 PM on Nov. 18, 2012

  • I have a friend from back in HS. We took choir together. She was not the best of singers, so the teacher had her take like a paper towel roll or something that could bend from her ear to her mouth, so she could hear herself better, and be able to better change her pitch to the proper one. Singing in the bathroom (no carpet) can also help you to hear yourself.

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 7:38 PM on Nov. 18, 2012

  • I think at her age you can honestly ask her for her opinion. Why didn't you advance? How does it make you feel each time you do not get chosen to continue? How will you feel if you do not advance again? Perhaps set smaller goals . Such as voice lessons with intension of advancing one more round than previously. A voice coach will be objective and provide the feedback she needs. If she is not able to improve the coach will let her know. But I had a friend who was a voice coach and he did amazing things with people who couldn't carry a tune. Sure they would never sign record deals but it made car rides a lot more enjoyable for the ears.

    Answer by frogdawg at 6:52 AM on Nov. 19, 2012

  • Try getting her singing lessons first maybe she does have talent but not expressing it the right way...


    Answer by Allmermommy12 at 5:50 PM on Dec. 5, 2012

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