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4 Bumps

Adoption

My Fiancé is an adopted child. We have been together almost 6 years and haven't really talked much about his biological parents. I want him to try and find them because of medical purposes for him and my daughter. When they ask for his families medical history he knows nothing besides his dad had diabetes at the age of 2. I want to make sure there aren't hereditary disases or something the doctor should be looking for in him or my daughter. I have no idea how to bring this up or even if i should say anything...HELP

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:33 PM on Nov. 13, 2012 in Relationships

Answers (17)
  • Adoption is a very personal thing. You should not be pushing your husband to track down his bio parents. That could have disastrous effects both for him and your family. IF and when you husband WANTS to and feels that HE is ready, you should encourage and support him.

    I recommend that you simply let this be. If you really feel that compelled to ask him about it, I would only ask if he has thought about it and what he thinks about it. WHATEVER his answer is, support that.
    theMOMmission

    Answer by theMOMmission at 11:41 PM on Nov. 13, 2012

  • Does he have a copy of his adoption records at all? Even in closed adoptions there is the possibility of some information being present of past medical history. Otherwise you can request a genetic test such as the PCR test. (though I'm not sure of cost or if insurances will cover it).
    KristiS11384

    Answer by KristiS11384 at 11:52 PM on Nov. 13, 2012

  • I'm adopted and I have no medical records. Big deal. The "precaution" my OB suggested was getting my first mammogram at 35 rather than the recommended 40 years of age. My mom has asked if I don't out to do done digging for medical reasons, but I honestly don't. Personally, it's not a can of worms I'd like open. My bio family could be wonderful, or they could be awful. For ME, it's not a risk worth taking, especially because I have no issues with my adoption, no resentment, no feeling of abandonment, nothing. I was raised by wonderful parents and have a great family, what more could I want?
    My advice would be to just bring it up, directly, but being willing to accept and respect his choice to not find out. It's not that criticism, really and he shouldn't be pressured into facing a situation he may not want to. Respect that and move on.

    Sharon
    momto2boys973

    Answer by momto2boys973 at 12:06 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • please give an example of medical conditions you are concerned about
    feralxat

    Answer by feralxat at 12:10 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • I am not sure but if you and mor importantly your husband would like the medical records I am sure you can get those. If you want other questions, uch as is there any medial history in you background that I should let my dr. know... You may be able to ask the head of the agency where you were addopted if they can contact the borth parents and get these andswers only for him. He may ask if they are willing to see him or not be interested at all. BUT this is his decission and his alone, IMO.
    Dardenella

    Answer by Dardenella at 12:13 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • I agree with MOM, you should not push him. You have no idea what the consequences could be in the end. And come on, my bio parents had heart disease and diabetes and emphaseyma they died vefore they were in the mid 50's the rest of the family that I know of have breast cancer history and diabetes- I got cancer that has nothing to do with the breasts and all of my bio siblings are just fine ( we are all 38-52 now btw)---- so even if you KNOW his bio history chances are you are going to concern yourself over things that may never happen and if you are that concerned and since no amount of knowledge is worth your husbands mental health OR your relationship and rather than chance the negative backlash, spend the money and do the tests if it is that important,
    luvmygrandbaby

    Answer by luvmygrandbaby at 12:14 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • I'm also an adoptee. I have NO medical records. Nor do I want or need them. I merely take normal precautions, I don't smoke, I drink in moderation and get the recommended screenings for everything at the recommended intervals. (Next up, colonoscopy.)

    My adopted brother did seek out his bio family. When he found them, he already knew he had multiple sclerosis. He found out it ran in the family. But the horse was already out of the barn, so really it didn't do him much good and the contact did cause him some headaches.

    If your husband wants to find them, he can do it. But don't push. It's merely borrowing trouble.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 12:56 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • It doesn't really matter his parents history. His is acceptable in knowing if he carries anything in regards to your daughter. You can have your daughter tested for genetic diseases, too. It doesn't matter what his parents' history is. Just yours and his.
    SaraD1989

    Answer by SaraD1989 at 1:11 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • Why didn't this come up before you decided to have a child with him? It should have been a issue then?
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 7:01 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

  • I'm not adopted but I have absolutely NO idea about my family's health.

    I have no idea what any of my grandparents (or my father - mum refused to ask the doctors ...) died of. My mother considers her health (or anyone else's for that matter) not to be a subject of conversation. I suspect this is very common in her generation.

    I would leave your bf alone. If he doesn't want to look out his bio-family or not that is his choice to make, not yours.
    winterglow

    Answer by winterglow at 7:55 AM on Nov. 14, 2012

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