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How do we deal with the Pastor's inappropriate behavior??

My husband is the custodian at our church. He also goes to college FT and typically goes in to clean the church whenever he has time. He went in late last night to get some things caught up and caught our Pastor in a compromising situation with a member of the trustees. My hubby turned around and walked out, saying "I didn't see anything" and hasn't said anything to anyone, but he's scared that he is going to lose his job. I don't feel I can continue to go to this church after this!! This pastor has been married for many years and has three grown children. What to do???? I know it's not my business but do we just pretend nothing happened???


Asked by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Feb. 11, 2009 in Religion & Beliefs

This question is closed.
Answers (11)
  • Disclaimer: This is only my opinion, and if you (anyone reading this) don't agree with me, you don't have to, but don't waste your time trying to change my mind.

    The pastor is human, just like you, me, and everyone else who walks this earth. He is not perfect. Yes, he made a huge mistake. Yes, it does seem somewhat hypocritcal to lead the congregation and tell them not to do this while he appears to do so himself. I say appear, b/c, your hubby saw this one time, correct? If he only saw this one time, then he, and you, have no real way of knowing how long this has been going on. Perhaps this was the first time. Perhaps it was the first and would have been the only time. I am assuming, from what you say, that what your hubby saw is the only thing you know about the situation, which means that there is a WHOLE lot more you don't know.


    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:26 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I'm reading a book like this no lie. It's called "The Preachers Passion"
    I would say start to find another church to attend. It's obviously this Pastor doesn't take his vows or GOD seriously and he will pay

    Answer by mommatime78 at 10:07 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Not only would I leave the church and quit the job, I'd out the pastor.

    I know times are tough economically, but I couldn't work for someone I couldn't trust or respect.
    Now, keep in mind that I am not Christian --- but I'm trying to look at this from your perspective here...

    And you may feel it's none of your business --- but this man is a PASTOR!!!! He is LEADING an entire congregation in their relationship with God.... preaching the righteous life & warning/bashing people about sin --- and then is committing those same sin UNDER THE ROOF OF THE CHURCH?!?

    Talk about a wolf in sheep's clothing!

    Answer by Laura1229 at 10:08 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Honestly as a christian it is wise to not cast the first stone;A lot of people forget that pastors are people too, not to say he has an excuse for what he did, but that he to is capable of error, after all he's not god.

    However, having said that you shouldn't be left feeling guilty for knowing something like this, If I were you I would talk to his wife about it in private before telling the whole congregation. Let them deal with there marriage privately and then afterwards if you still felt uncomfortable then I would seek out another church.

    Answer by CaliLizard_2009 at 10:17 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • con't...

    With that said, without knowing every intimate detail, I feel it would be a mistake to tell anyone what your hubby saw. Again, b/c of his position, I see why you are so upset, but he is human. Would you want someone to tell an entire building full of people about a mistake you made?
    I can also see why you might feel the need to tell his wife, but again, I think it would be a mistake. A lot of people would be more likely to turn against you, simply b/c he is a pastor. They will, like you, want to believe he is above reproach and should be above doing what he was caught doing.

    I think the best thing for you and hubby to do would be to find another church if you are no longer comfortable going there, and I don't think you are wrong to feel uncomfortable having him lead you. If he asks you why you are leaving, or have left, then you can simply explain to him the reasons why.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 10:29 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • Heres a little bit of truth for you. My husband and I were married 27 yrs ago. We had belonged to this church for many years. 6 weeks after we were married we found out via a meeting at the church that our minister, the one who married uys, had been having an illicit affair with a deacons wife. Apparently the majority of the church knew it and that is how it all came out. We were very upset. This is the man who just witnessed our marriage with sin, deceits and lies in his heart. We were angry at friends who knew but chose not to tell us. This incident hurt the entire congregation, in fact ripped it apart. As the minister he had/has an obligation to be living by example. Yes he is human. He is also a servant of God. It took me years to come to terms with feeling like he had somehow tainted our marriage. It sounds dumb now, but it didn't then. I'm well aware our vows were to one another..and God knew what was in OUR hearts...

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:53 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • cont'd
    the fact is he affected a lot of lives. I believe it is your christian and moral obligation to go to your board, elders..whomever it is in your church and report nothing more than what was seen.

    Answer by GrnEyedGrandma at 10:54 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I would go to your pastor and discuss what he has done with him. He knows what he is doing is wrong. If you keep it between yourselves and your pastor though, he may be more open to discussion. You may also want to suggest possibly resigning.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 10:54 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • I would talk to the pastor - tell him my concerns about what I am going to say and what I thought I saw. Let his actions dictate yours. If he deals with your husband in an upright way then you can make changes, if he doesn't then this is not the church for you. I wouldn't involve anyone else. Spreading gossip is awful. Others will see the truth over time if this is continuing behaviour. If it was a moment of weakness maybe he needs some support too. We are all only human no matter what our occupation is. We all have weak moments and fluctuations in our faith. Maybe instead of anger and accusations he needs a helping hand.

    Answer by b_cheerful at 10:56 AM on Feb. 11, 2009

  • TropicalMama - thank you, that's pretty much the way both hubby and I feel. We're not planning on telling anyone, since it's not our business, nor our place to do so. I certainly can't imagine telling the entire congregation or his wife, who we hardly know!! For all we know, it was a one-time occurrence and now that they've been caught hopefully they'll stop doing what they're doing. I definitely don't know if I will continue to attend services at this church but my husband can't afford to quit the job.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:06 AM on Feb. 11, 2009